It’s ironic that on Election Night, one of the online suitors who I had exchanged a message or two with called me.
I was already feeling great about new guy, but I took the professor’s call, juussst to see.
Let me start off by saying this man is friggin brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant. He is a chemical engineer and he’s ridiculously intelligent. He shares his findings all over the place and is no doubt a published researcher.
I love smart men, but this was even too much for my nerd-loving ass. Just too much.
But I think he is a religious, black, Sheldon Cooper and it was a little too much for me.
My head hurt once we got off the phone.
I felt like I was applying to MENSA. He asked me simple things, in complicated ways, and while I think I’m pretty darn smart, I felt like Penny from Big Bang Theory trying to survive a lesson in physics from Sheldon. (Love this show)
He drilled me with questions, and I hate it when men ask me where I think I’ll be in ten years.
He balked when I said I didn’t want to have children at 40 and that at 37 if it doesn’t happen, it just won’t happen.
His response, “Even with the advances in modern medicine?”
Yes, sir. “Even with the advances in modern medicine.”
The most interesting and loaded question of the evening was when he asked me, after giving a long-winded intro basically if I had three wishes what would they be?
But I’ma give you the full.
“So, say you pull over at a cute little mom and pop gas station. And you see some old school glass bottles of Coca Cola, you decide, I’m parched and I would like some Coca Cola. You reach in the deep tub of ice, grab your Coca Cola, wipe of the condencent (not condensation folks) and you open it.
Out pops a genie and you could have three wishes.”
So I answered, first if it was Election Day, I’d wish for Obama to win. Secondly, I’d wish for unlimited plane tickets, and third, I left it open.
I joked with a friend later, that my third wish would be the ability to have an orgasm every single time!
So I asked him the same question. I said normally when people ask things like that, they already have their answers in mind.
I friggin kid you not people, when I write for you his answer. I could have never made this ish up ever in my lifetime even if I had Oscar Wilde, Junot Diaz, Toni Morrison in the room with me.
“Have you ever watched Star Trek? Ok, ok, well they have these things called replicators where you can basically replicate anything. But, I would have a replicator that does not need an energy source of any kind.
Next, I would deplete the funds of anyone who benefitted from slavery and give that money to the descendants of slaves as reparations.
Finally, I would create a room with no windows that would allow the Holy Trinity to manifest itself in human form and allow people to come and consult it and speak to it. ”
I’m not lying yall. I’m not.
So I told him, “I’d feel like an idiot saying I want elves making Krispy Cremes in my basement after you wanting a room where the Lord shows up to have chats with people and replicators that don’t require an energy source.”
He laughed and said, he appreciated the fact that I was creative enough to answer and it meant I was quick on my feet. He said there are a lot of people who don’t answer at all.
I’m sure this man will be a great catch for someone, but not for me.
I’ve been in situations where it seemed like I was smarter than the man who was interested than me and I hated it. And now, yeah. Being on the other end, I hate it too.
I believe him when he says that he isn’t elitist, but smart people love other smart people. There’s a certain level they are looking for when they are seeking a relationship or the people they bring in their circle.
He said he was just a simple, southern boy with old school values, and I believe that, but eh, um, yeah. I’m not the right fit.
I tried to get him off the phone so he could eat his food and he said he’d call me back later that night, and I told him he really didn’t have to. Not sure if he’s going to try again. And one time he left a voicemail and had to include this is Dr. So and So. Really? You have to remind me you have a Ph.d?
I’m sure he is a genius, and he seemed to have strong opinions about family values, community and service. All of that is excellent, but um, naw.
I want a man who is smart, who is spiritually-grounded, who is kind and cares about humanity. But I also need a man who is goofy, edgy, and a little x-rated. Potty humor! I like potty humor! This man, I don’t see him going there, God bless him. And that’s cool. I applaud people for being themselves no matter what. Because whoever they are, they fit for someone, somewhere.
I think he is super nice, but eh, not for me. I’m thinking by the end of the convo, he may have felt it too. It will be interesting to see if he tries to contact me again.
Throughout this convo, with the professor, I kept thinking, “I can’t have sex with this man.”
So, new guy seems to be in the lead for the election of my heart…