29tolife

Just another WordPress.com site

Archive for the tag “Telling the truth”

RIP, Boo Thang. Good Riddance, Lying-Ass

Well folks, you’ve been reading.

You all saw this coming.

People move in and out of our lives all of the time.

Seriously, think about it.

New jobs, new cities, graduating from school, going back to school, your church, death, people rotate in and out.

That is the nature of this thing called life. We are in constant motion, traveling through it.

As I told you all in my last post, I was growing weary. Time was running out for Boo Thang.

And time ran all the way out Thursday night.

When he asked to stop by, I assumed he was feeling the vibe that things weren’t going well, especially since I sent him that text about confidence.

Nope.

He was happy as a clam and even brought wine. I introduced him to Moscato D’Asti and now it’s like the best thing in the world.

So being oblivious, he want to hug me and kiss me and I kept squirming like Pepe Le Pew’s unfortunate feline girlfriend who keeps falling in the wrong can of paint to make her look like a skunk.

I was blocking shots like Mutumbo.

So after a great discussion about the state of the black community, politics, the sequestration and watching Awkward Black Girl, the finale (it’s awesome), he was getting ready to leave.

I told him I wanted to talk to him about something. I couldn’t let him leave. I couldn’t take another day of being phony or knowing that I wasn’t that into him.

So he sat down in the chair and he braced himself. He braced himself.

I started out with asking him what he wanted from this relationship and where he saw things going.

Brace yourselves for his answer.

“I don’t know, I want us to keep hanging out and getting to know each other and then it can go somewhere.”

My response:

“It’s been five months. We haven’t seen each other for two weeks and we haven’t really been talking a whole lot. Things seem to be going ok to you?”

“Well things haven’t been great, but I just thought we were both busy.”

Yeah, ok, pimp.

So I go on about me wanting a serious relationship and how I’m at the point where the direction I’m trying to head now is marriage. I spoke about how at 28, just getting out of grad school, he has just started his professional life, he has just started his grown up life.

I even realized that even though there was a few years between us, in life experience, I had a decade on him.

He’s never lived outside of Maryland.

I’ve lived and worked in a bunch of different places, I’ve had ups and downs in my relationships. I’ve had to speak up sometimes and fight for things, I’ve been through a lot. I’ve learned to love myself, I’ve learned to appreciate who I am.

I told him that I have high expectations of the man who is going to be my man. I told him I mentioned the confidence thing because I can’t be confident for him I want the man in my life to really know himself and be able to make decisions and I will stand by him and be his biggest supporter. I told him he’s not there yet.

I said there was nothing wrong with that, it’s just timing.

So with big puppy eyes, he asks, “Well is it where I’m at professionally?”

Wrong again, lad.

I told him not at all. He’s where he’s supposed to be.

“Does this mean you don’t want to talk anymore?”

I said, “I would actually love to still talk to you and hang out, but we got to stop the romantic stuff.”

At this point, he already had his baseball cap on low across his eyes. Before then, his brows stayed in a permanent knot on his forehead as he listened.

I told him, if I’m off base, to correct me, but I’m pretty sure I’m right. I told him he is in transition and that is ok, but the fact I have to explain why I want to be picked up and dated and wanting some consistency, it’s a problem. No one who is five months into something does not really see or make time for each other for two weeks and they live in the same area.

So he said he’d talk to me later, we hugged and he left.

He sent me a text later, saying that he was glad to see me and appreciated our talk.

I told him I agree.

But that’s not how this story ends folks, oh it gets better. I mean, it wouldn’t be a 29tolifeblog story if there wasn’t a ridiculous twist.

A homegirl of mine said she thought she saw old boy on a dating site.

Not the one where we met and where I thought we both closed our profiles…

This fool must believe in loopholes.

So this morning she’s like, I have a screen capture of the profile. I said, well what’s the name and what’s the city?

City, check.

Profile name.. was the name of homeboy’s favorite rapper and some number and I already know not many people would pick that name.

My friend sent the pic. And boom there his ass was.

Here I was, feeling sorry for him. Thinking I had broken his simple, little heart and this mo fo has been out there, probably still talking to other women.

So, that’s all folks.

Here we go again.

I’m open to suggestions. If you folks have great friends, cousins, uncles, third tier friends, send em my way.

Back to the drawing board. Again.

Tip the bartenders, God Bless and good night folks.

Here I am, in a tee-shirt, wrapped in a blanket chronicling my pitiful life for you all and having a Sex and the City marathon, because Carrie Bradshaw knows me like no one else.

I’ma keep hope alive.

Shit is real.

Advertisements

Truth Moment: Confidence Is Key With Me

You know what?

I’m frustrated. Beyond frustrated with the guy formerly known as pseudo-boyfriend boo thang.

I’m irritated because it seems like he’s kind of trying.

But that’s the thing that kills me, he’s kind of trying.

It ain’t a full push, like hey. We are going out to dinner tonight. I want to see you right now, because I haven’t seen you in two weeks and you haven’t really been responding when I hit you up.

It’s a passive aggressive way to date.

It tells me you ain’t sure, but you want to kind of have me around.

I can’t be about that half way life.

I guess it’s because I’m used to being pursued. Hard core.

I’ve actually told men to exit stage left because they were too pushy.

His ambivalence annoys me.

But, he’s young.

I’m finding youth and inexperience is biting him right in the butt.

Earlier today, he talked about some changes happening at his job and how he may take up stripping. In the joke, he asked me what I’d like to see.

I didn’t respond.

After the long 20 min text silence, he says, “LOL never mind that question.”

My thing is, once again. Go all the way.

I call it “George W. Bushing it.” If you wrong, be adamant about going all in and dare folks to question you. Like give them a side eye so strong, that they question their own beliefs.

He punked out of his own joke.

He went on the line, put out a feeler, hoping I’d cosign on wanting to see him naked, hence solidifying his confidence.

I didn’t and I  don’t. Not anymore, because everything else fell apart.

I would have actually given him credit if instead of him asking me what I’d like to see, he’d say, something like, “Girl, you better act right, I may stop by and do the Magic Mike.”

One, you’d still get the laugh. Two, you may get a flattering response, that I indeed, want to see you pop, lock and drop it, and three, you’re showing me that regardless of my reaction, it doesn’t matter and somewhere, somebody is going to dig it.

SMH.

Sometimes you have to take risks and fake it til you make it.

I’ve mentioned in a previous blog how an ex of mine made the ballsy move to just snatch me up and kiss me. He later told me it could have ended in me reciprocating (as I did) or a slap in the face, but regardless, he went on the vibe and went in for it.

I should have expected this person to be passive because the first time he kissed me, he asked me to and it was on the cheek.

At the time, I thought it was respectful and charming, now I know I need a man who takes charge.

I once boasted that I was attracted to and loved assholes.

I’m going to revise that.

I am attracted to and need confidence.

Things are starting to add up with this person.

He says he wants to buy a home. He can’t decide. He thought about renting an apartment. He backed out of an apartment when someone said he should buy a home instead.

He said he doesn’t like his commute from my neighborhood, but actually looked at an apartment in my neighborhood.

He wants to leave his current living situation with a relative, but now he’s going to move in with another relative.

He’s been real wishy, washy and I’m not liking it. Not liking it one bit. As a 31-year-old woman that grates on my psyche.

Now I thought this person could afford to live alone, but I’m not so sure anymore.

I’m starting to see that he goes wherever the wind goes and according to whatever the last person said to him.

Once again, I feel like he needs more life experience.

He’s a really sweet person, but he needs more experience. He has to be confident in himself and in making decisions.

I feel like he is quick to apologize and people please and take responsibility for things he shouldn’t.

I had to give him a speech about a co-worker basically throwing him under the bus and how he needs to watch his back and stand up for himself and not let people put blame on him for things he isn’t responsible for thinking it’s noble to take one for the team.

In life and in business these days, that kind of thinking is going to get you nowhere.

You can be a team player, but don’t take people’s crap. You can be a hard worker, but when you do something above and beyond, you got to speak up and remind folks, because their memory gets real short if you don’t.

I’ve decided this man is the epitome of closed mouths not getting fed. I’m afraid I’m going to have to lay the complete hammer down on Sunday, when I agreed to see him and let it all out.

I like this person enough to not let him walk around living his life like this.

His last relationship did shake his confidence, but it shouldn’t be an excuse.

There are so many guys not as smart or nice or educated as him walking around like friggin King Tut.

When I auditioned for a fantastic choir in DC a few years ago, during my audition, the vocal coach told me that I should sing with more confidence. She said there were people who came in that didn’t have half the talent and showed up like they owned the place.

Same rule applies when it comes to wooing me.

You are selling yourself. If you don’t believe, I can’t believe.

And ask my friends. When I’m in a relationship with a man, I believe in him to a fault. I am the president of the damn fan club. I see more in him than he sees in himself, and I challenge him to believe in and what I see. Maybe it’s messed up, maybe it’s me kind of wanting to “fix” people, but to me that’s how I show love, that’s how I show how much I do respect you. If I have a high expectation of you, it’s because I know you can do it. With out a doubt.

So if a man questions himself, if a man doesn’t believe in himself, you’ve lost me. You’ve just lost me. I think I’m a great catch, so the fact you’re sharing my company means something. If you don’t understand even that, you got a long way to go.

I’m not even trying to be cocky, but it’s the damn truth. Age, experience, failures have taught me all of this.

If you aren’t giving full effort, I can’t give full effort.

Maybe after my speech he’ll hate me, or he’ll want to at least want to remain friends.

Either way, the truth is in order.

I’m about to explode with it.

Hope he can take it.

Post Navigation