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Fear Makes Us Ridiculous and Unreasonable: The Real Estate Edition

I don’t want to pay anymore in rent to live in my place.

I just don’t.

There is a part of me that feels like I’m going to suck it up and take it, for “one more year.”

But unlike last year, and the year before when I was just super angry and just took it, I’m doing research. I’m even looking into renting a town home or condo. I’ve looked online and sent out a few inquiries. Maybe I will be inspired.

Oh, I hate moving.

Oh, and as I look around, I’m finding what I’m about to pay in rent this next lease agreement, still isn’t horrible in comparison, but it’s bad enough to me.

The only thing that bothers and scares me if I move is, I’m used to a certain amount of noise, or pseudo ghetto behavior that takes place in my complex.

I’d be livid to move and be someplace worse and be paying more money. It’s just so hard. The places that would be better neighborhoods, would be out of my price range.

This real estate situation pisses me off to no end. It’s just not fair.

I’ve also decided if I’m going to spend more, I’m going to get more bedrooms and square footage. It’s only right. Besides, when people visit, I would like them to have their own space and then I’d have a real office space when I work from home.

I’m scared as crap to buy a townhouse or condo. I’m scared of paying the taxes, I’m scared of stuff breaking down and having to pay loads of money to have it fixed. I haven’t saved enough for a down payment. I’m just scared of it all.

I’m more scared of taking on a house alone, than paying more rent. I just am. That’s real.

Don’t know if this feeds into my general problem with commitment, but that’s probably part of the issue. 30 years??? I. Can’t. Breathe.

There’s a part of me who wants to be with a stable man and get married within a year or two so I can move in with him and get a break on my rent and when stuff breaks down, I’ve got some damn help.

There’s a part of me that feels like that stable man can’t be too far away and if I up and buy a condo, I got to figure out how to sell or rent it, and then I’ll be like these crazy folks who I hate right now, trying to make people pay $2000 a month for a two bedroom.

I’m not lying.

Some of you are saying, why go through all of that? Get a roommate.

I don’t want one.

I am 31 years old, and I’m just not going to do it unless I’m helping a friend in transition who wants to move to this area. And even they have a year to get it together and get the hell out.

I want to get married someday, I almost got married, and yet, I’m realizing I have a tough time sharing my space for long periods of time. I clean when I want to, I cook when I want to. If an occupant of my living space has a problem with how I do things, I don’t want to hear it.

My father says you have to “pay the cost to be the boss.”

Being the boss of my damn life and home is expensive as hell.

I need a break.

When stuff runs out, that’s on me. It wasn’t because someone else ate, drank or used the last of it. Stuff doesn’t run out as fast. I like that.

When I have one roll of toilet paper left, I know how long it’s going to take for me to use it and I can delay going to the store.

That’s out the window when you have another occupant. You think you have one more day of tp, you sit down, relax and NOTHING! Now you either have to air dry or hope you’ve got some napkins or paper towel somewhere.

My cousin recently told me I think waaay too much.

She’s probably right.

She joked about going on a Christian dating site, to which I gave her a list of why I think it’s a bad idea, and how I don’t feel like having someone judge me for how much Jesus I have or don’t have at the moment or compare lifestyles. It’s happened with men I’ve met in general who have been Christian. Someone may look cross-eyed if you have a glass of wine, or slip a curse word. I’m judging too. So it won’t work. No gracias. But see, I had already given a dissertation on why I’d hate being on such a site without even trying it.

I pick apart dating.

I pick apart about the men I’ve dated and lost, or threw away, I keep playing over and over again why I should leave my apartment, and why I should stay.

This time, unlike the Christian dating site, I will go out and see some of these properties that are within the price ranges I’m comfortable to pay and then I’ll go on from there.

Take that fear. I’m doing something.

I will not be ridiculous. I will not be unreasonable. I will not marry some man to catch a financial break on my rent in the next three months. That will make me no better than the women of Love and Hip Hop. Someone stop me. Paying a little bit more in rent yet again is not worth my self-respect. Whoo hoo. Pep talk.


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