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On to the Next: Online Dating Makes It Easier to Throw the Peace Sign

I always have a saying that when a date is going bad, “you gotta take your purse and exit.” I often use that in a literal and proverbial sense.

A wise cousin once said to me, online dating can be a curse because you meet so many people and if you don’t like something about them right away, you can start up something new immediately. You aren’t really seriously giving anyone a real chance.

She may be on to something.

Even while dealing with this “Mad Scientist” situation, my options are open. I actually have too many options and they flood my pof account daily.

I think I’m selective, but it’s not unusual for me to engage in conversations with three men at a time. There are two men who are ready to be promoted to phone conversations, and I had to laugh. They both sent me the let’s talk on the phone message, within minutes of each other.

Mad scientist mentioned me wanting something “shiny” and saying he is not that. But I think it’s a little hypocritical and makes me seem basic, when he said himself, he doesn’t want to get bored by a person. To me that’s like Miley Cyrus calling Kim Kardashian an attention whore, just in Latin.

But meeting someone new can give you hope that they might actually be cool and worth spending time with. But I have left a lot of text messages and voicemails unanswered because someone newer and shinier came along.

But isn’t that the point of dating? Shouldn’t a person meet a bunch of different people, talk to them gather the vibe and then weed out the ones that don’t spark? I think so. And just as I check my messages on POF, I see the same three guys in my rotation online at the same time as me, yet they aren’t always in conversation with me. I’m just doing what the Romans are doing. They are dropping conversations with me, as they meet people who better fit into what they like, just as I am.

It’s a strange world we are in right now. It feels as if there truly are no rules and we have to just fend for ourselves.

Mad scientist was right about one thing. There is a script. I do feel like a couple of times a day, when I’m on the site, I’m repeating my “dating elevator pitch.” Where I’m from. How long I’ve been in the area. What I do for a living. What I like to do for fun. What school I attended. Why I’m single. And asking the same questions in return.

I was thinking about something while lying in bed. How I want to forget what it feels like to want love. I remember when I was in love, there were moments I just stopped to savor it, and I tried to remember what it was like when I felt so lonely or when I was waiting for the person I was with. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember that feeling. I was relieved that I couldn’t remember, and I said that life is cyclical, the likelihood is high that I’ll feel that way again and be unable to feel the way I feel now, so yup, I’ll breathe it in. I’ll snuggle in closer while he sleeps and I’ll listen to him breathe. And when he looks at me the way he looks at me, I will eat it all up. I will eat it all up. When he takes my hand, I’m going to fight to remember just how it feels because this moment will slip away. And when I am alone and wanting to remember so bad, I won’t be able to, but I’ll know that it happened. I’ll know at that time it was real.

Sniffing Coffee Beans

I was in a funk for the entire weekend.

Guys who seemed to be interested all started flaking out at levels of disbelief.

These were people who initiated contact with me, flattered me, talked about the future, blah blah.

But when it came down to it, it was all talk and no action and no follow through.

I haven’t heard anything from the Candidate and I’m a little disappointed.

I had a long heart-to-heart with my favorite cousin and she said that I need to just stop.

She described my recent Plenty of Fish binge as being at a department store fragrance counter and smelling every cologne without sniffing coffee beans in between to clear my nostrils so I can actually smell each, distinctive scent.

Well hot damn. She dropped some knowledge on me.

I have been acting like an unsupervised fat kid at Golden Corral.

I’ve been wanting to feel something, meet someone great so badly that I haven’t really been taking time to nurture any real friendships or relationships. I’ve been getting frustrated by non-responses, or responses that I thought were stupid and checking people off of my “good enough for me list” that I started becoming the women I make fun of.

I was going out on dates because I was bored and they actually asked, but I didn’t have a genuine attraction. And with every new conversation, I feel my patience getting shorter and shorter.

My cousin is right. I need a great whiff of coffee beans to reset my mind. I need a break from POF.

I thought going into it with such vigor, would give me the results I wanted because I was actually trying this time. I was showing the universe that I could handle this that I was truly ready for love. So bring em on.

I’ve run into a number of issues. Good looking successful men who thought they were too good-looking and successful to even talk to me.

Men who live at home with their folks, which seems to be not so uncommon these days, but they seem to have a chip on their shoulder about it because of the way other women have responded to it.

And dream sellers, the men who compliment, flirt and say the right things, yet they fade away.

I’m not sure of where my next guy is. I’m just not.

I don’t want to get married today.

I just want someone in my life who I’m excited about and who is equally excited about me. Someone who wants to spend time with me, a person’s whose company I can enjoy. Where we can be quiet all night or laugh all day. I can’t be crazy. This has to exist somewhere.

Friday night I felt this insane claustrophobic feeling. It felt like I was starved for love and it hurt and the panic set in. Where was it? Would it be coming?

It made me wonder if I made a mistake by ending things with Officer Cutie. Should I have given it a try despite my gut feeling about the drama to come with his child? I knew I did the right thing. That baby is too young, the relationship between he and the mother has not matured enough. I did the right thing. I know I did.

But feeling like this hurts. And I don’t want this feeling to drive me to desperation. That’s totally unattractive and I’m better than that.

I’m a jerk. I’ve turned down nice guys, but I wasn’t attracted to them. And that makes me a horrible person. But I’ve tried that stuff before. I tried to look past my unattractedness and kept saying this person is nice, this person is nice, and it still didn’t work.

Coffee beans.

I can’t seem to get this shit straight.

Once my ipod recharges, I’ll hit the gym. Maybe that will help…

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