I saw something on Facebook that made me instantly empathize and sympathize with a girl from my high school who posted it.
Her status went from engaged to single.
My heart went out to her. However, I chose a different route. I kept my disengagement quiet on Facebook (I don’t post my relationship status anyway, so there was nothing to change and I saved myself from having to hit that button and having “single” staring back at me mockingly.). Instead, I share sometimes on this blog. You can read the post when I finally broke my silence on the topic, here.
So because this was now public info, ol girl opened herself up to the flurry of questions and comments to which she responded in an embarrassing, emotional rant, telling people to mind their own business and not make up their own conclusions for what went wrong or try to tell her what she should or shouldn’t do.
You aren’t Jennifer Anniston boo, you didn’t have to go out like this. You really didn’t. As soon as you wrote it and clicked, ” update status” you gave up your right to say “Mind your own business.” By making it public, you implicitly gave everyone the right to jump on in.
I’m going to have to file that under, “Now That’s What I Call Stupid, Vol 1.”
And as someone who understands the deluge of questions and emotions being hurled at you from your family and friends who were on this exhilarating ride to happily ever after with you, now you’ve got random internet dramamongers getting you hyped up too.
I didn’t wear sackcloth and sit in ashes when my engagement and relationship ended, but I took my time to mourn the loss and process all of my stages of grief.
I had to be still, I had to be quiet and I had to shut out the sounds of all of the people well-intentioned and otherwise so I could get myself together.
When I was ready to cry, I did. And boy did I when I finally did. My family and friends were actually scared that I was handling it too well. I was trying my best to fake that everything was alright and that I was strong.
When I was ready to talk to people I trusted, I did. And when I decided to drop everything and take a trip by myself, I did that too.
I feel particularly bad for this woman because she does have a child, and she also has to deal with her child’s reaction to all of this as well. And I hope she tries to set an example of class and grace under fire and not carry on any foolishness with her ex at all, let alone in front of the child.
It was on my heart to send her a private message to tell her this is hard, very, very hard, but she will survive. I wanted her to know in all of this she needs to listen to herself and not even get mad if she misses him or still wants to be with him sometimes. I want her to know she should just feel what ever she’s feeling and not let anyone tell her her feelings are wrong or she needs to heal faster or needs to get under (or on top of) a new man pronto (which were among some of the insensitive things I was told).
But since I’m not really cool with her like that, my well-intentioned note as someone who has been through it personally, may be taken as just one more voice in the midst of what seems like a million with an opinion. Besides, that would mean I’m telling my business too, which is what I avoided by not putting out a press release on FB.
She did already post in a more recent, and still quite emotional status that she was glad she found out now about her fiancée’s shortcomings in terms of his inability to stand strong with her in difficult times and she is relieved she didn’t go through with it.
Once again, she’s saying all the right things for the public, but her heart is being pulled in a number of directions right now. Been there, done that. But it took me a lot longer to say I was relieved I didn’t get married and really mean it.
I wish her well. She has a rough road ahead. But as her “press release” stated, and as I know personally, she really is going to be alright eventually.
This was my official song dedicated to the ending of my relationship. I thought it was totally me and my situation. This goes out to my poor Facebook friend.
Now stop telling your business and concentrate on your healing!