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Archive for the tag “online dating”

Introducing Officer Cutie and Why I’m Still Single

I had a lovely weekend. Visited the ‘rents hung with the homies, had a great date and managed to do something touristy in my own back yard.

I spent Memorial Day on Long Island, and even ventured out East all the way to The End. Montauk Point. For some reason, I always imagined the lighthouse being bigger, but I thought it was still pretty dope. It was beautiful out there. Felt other worldly. The Atlantic Ocean spread out before me, vast, unending. It was very cold that day, to be the official weekend that kicks off summer, but it was fantastic. Me and my cousin played, “count the black people” we could see from East Hampton on to Montauk and back. Our tally was 28. Thank God for that family of five at the light house. LOL.

The Hampton Jitneys were rolling in full effect, (some only ten minutes apart) despite the funky weather. Monday was the only really nice day with sunshine we had all weekend. I’m sure the high rollers wanting to enjoy a Hamptons Memorial Day were disappointed.

After checking that out and getting myself a lighthouse magnet for my collection for the fridge, me and my favorite cousin made our way to the Lobster Roll A.K.A. Lunch, a very popular roadside eatery. The food was delish and so was the girl talk.

I couldn’t have been happier, until Monday, when I finally met up with a cutie NYPD officer, who I had met in the fall of last year online. I kept saying when I would come home, he and I should get together and it never materialized. I reached out to him around the time I got my plane ticket, because I refused to drive on such a busy holiday. Luckily, he was down to hang.

We had a great lunch and then we went to Dave and Buster’s and played games, shot pool, had a mean game of air hockey and even did bowling. I’ve been to Dave and Buster’s a few times, and I don’t think I’ve ever done so many activities in one visit. Normally me and friends pick one thing and keep it moving. But it seemed like we didn’t want our little date to end.

Officer Cutie was courteous and really sweet. I’m digging him. And of course I dig him and he digs me because I’m the long distance queen and I can’t seem to keep a man in the DC/MD/VA area to save my life, even though I’m really trying to actively date.

We got so comfortable at one point, I had to give him a kiss on the cheek for every gutter ball, and I had no problem with this. I told him I was a woman of my word and would pay what I owed. He managed to get a good eight kisses. And no, I didn’t suck on purpose!

He was cuter than his photo, which made me very happy. But here’s the other thing that sticks with me.

He’s quiet. He’s very calm. But I guess you can’t get rattled easily if you police one of the roughest neighborhoods in NYC. That’s what’s fascinating. He wasn’t aggressive, which I figured cops had to be. He was so, cool. Easy. He spoke softly. He seemed humble. He had things to say, but he didn’t dominate a conversation. He wasn’t imposing. I enjoyed his company but worried when we had pauses in conversation. Sometimes I worried I was too loud or goofy.

You all know how quick I am to knock men from New York and go on ad nauseum about how ridiculous they are and how they often want to be players and talking fast and trying to trick and stay 20 steps ahead. So Officer Cutie made me eat my words.

I felt like a lady and safe around him, he was just flirtatious enough without being disrespectful or pushy and he smelled soooo frigging good.

I think I’m still high off of the scent of his cologne. At the end of the date, we hugged, exchanged kisses on the cheek and I mentioned that he should visit Maryland. He told me he would need an invite and so I invited him. He smiled.

When I was at the airport, he sent me a text saying he really liked me and he hoped we’d see each other soon. I returned the sentiment. But something tells me this may get interesting. However, long distance? Again?

Not trying to really think about it. But I did like how I felt around him and I’m trusting that feeling and I don’t want to ignore that because he is in NY.

I’ve got some local online prospects that I’m trying to vet. We’ll see how they stack up. When I am actively dating, men tend to eliminate themselves and one guy always rises to the top. It actually helps me focus and narrow the field quicker and not waste time with fruitless encounters.

In a recent conversation I had with one guy, who I am interested in going out with soon, he asked that question that I get often. “You seem cool, attractive, why are you single?”

I’ve written about this loaded question before, but now I have a new perspective on it.

And this is what I said.

“I’m single right now, because I’m single. The right man for me just hasn’t revealed himself to me just yet. I’m confident it will happen because I’ve been through enough now to know how to properly identify him when he comes. So for now, I’m meeting people and talking and that’s cool. He’ll show up.”

I honestly feel that way now. There’s no way he’s not going to show up. My life is love. I have so much love for my friends and family, there is no way I’m destined to be alone, there’s no way that the God who loves me wants me to struggle and not have the emotional, physical, spiritual love that I want and need. No way. It may not be the timing I want, but I feel like I’ve been finally given all of the tools to help me identify him, regardless of looks, status or financial status. I’m going to know who he is when he shows up. (Thanks Katherine Woodward Thomas, author of “Calling in the One”).

That’s been my prayer. Lord, help me identify him, and help me quickly identify those who are NOT him and help me exit quickly.

I know exactly what I need to feel. I know what I’m supposed to feel when he speaks, and when he looks at me. I know what to listen for, I know what not to ignore. I’m confident he will answer any question I ask him comfortably and without hesitation, because he’ll know he’s been looking for me too and there’s no reason to hide or not be truthful. I’m thankful for that. I couldn’t say that a year ago or even two years ago.

Things are about to heat up yall.

I can feel it…

Gone Fishin’ Back Online Dating Again, Oh Boy

I’ll admit. I’ve been in a rut.

I’m slowly climbing out. So I went ahead and joined an online dating site, again.

I’m doing Plenty of Fish this time. It’s free. Whatever. I have noticed there are some good-looking guys and it seems like IT guys are ruling the roost, and most folks are talking a good game. But what’s so funny to me is that it seems like everyone wants the same thing, a chance, but we want a chance with people we want and that’s all we want.

Therin lies the rub of these sites, if you aren’t completely open-minded and willing to bend a little and just actually meet people, I think you will be highly disappointed and disgruntled. One guy I talked to last night said that on two occasions he went on dates with women who looked nothing like their photo.

I’ve decided that I’m going to at least hold conversations with the men who appear to be interested in me, and as one of my favorite books suggest, wait on what it is I feel, not what I see, to help guide my decision.

All of the men who I think are attractive, I have a feeling a lot of women think they are attractive and some of these dudes have an attitude. The other dating site I used last fall, it seemed like I had a flood of men trying to meet me on the first day.

I feel like things are moving kind of slow. But I also made the decision not to put any photos of me up with straight hair. I’m wondering if that’s been a deterrent and I don’t have any full body shots. I’m going out with one of my friends tonight, so I’ll get my friend to take some then.

I’ve come to the conclusion I need a cute guy who doesn’t realize he’s actually good-looking. I’m so serious. I’ve decided to look for one stand out feature in a guy who I might not be interested in at first glance and capitalize on that. If I notice he has great eyes, I’ma hold onto that. If he has a great smile, I’ma go with it. He might be large, or super skinny, but I’ve decided if I find one physical feature that I can dig, then I’m all about it.

I’m a fan of beards and goatees, so if I see a nice one, I’ll go with that too.

I’m going to be open. I am making room and providing a welcome atmosphere for my dude to show up.

I’m going to be able to identify him and it’s going to be awesome.

I did already get invited to a bbq this weekend. It made me feel a little uneasy because we only had a hi, how are you convo.

And I’m confused by the men who send just a hi in a message. I wrote some gems, you don’t have an opinion on anything I said, at all?

I know people did reading comprehension in school where they had to read a passage and then write about what they just read. I’m saying, can these dudes at least do that?

As usual, I’m going to keep you fine folks posted.

Hedging My Bets, Well Kind Of…

It’s ironic that on Election Night, one of the online suitors who I had exchanged a message or two with called me.

I was already feeling great about new guy, but I took the professor’s call, juussst to see.

Let me start off by saying this man is friggin brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant. He is a chemical engineer and he’s ridiculously intelligent. He shares his findings all over the place and is no doubt a published researcher.

I love smart men, but this was even too much for my nerd-loving ass. Just too much.

But I think he is a religious, black, Sheldon Cooper and it was a little too much for me.

My head hurt once we got off the phone.

I felt like I was applying to MENSA. He asked me simple things, in complicated ways, and while I think I’m pretty darn smart, I felt like Penny from Big Bang Theory trying to survive a lesson in physics from Sheldon. (Love this show)

He drilled me with questions, and I hate it when men ask me where I think I’ll be in ten years.

He balked when I said I didn’t want to have children at 40 and that at 37 if it doesn’t happen, it just won’t happen.

His response, “Even with the advances in modern medicine?”
Yes, sir. “Even with the advances in modern medicine.”

The most interesting and loaded question of the evening was when he asked me, after giving a long-winded intro basically if I had three wishes what would they be?

But I’ma give you the full.

“So, say you pull over at a cute little mom and pop gas station. And you see some old school glass bottles of Coca Cola, you decide, I’m parched and I would like some Coca Cola. You reach in the deep tub of ice, grab your Coca Cola, wipe of the condencent (not condensation folks) and you open it.

Out pops a genie and you could have three wishes.”

So I answered, first if it was Election Day, I’d wish for Obama to win. Secondly, I’d wish for unlimited plane tickets, and third, I left it open.

I joked with a friend later, that my third wish would be the ability to have an orgasm every single time!

So I asked him the same question. I said normally when people ask things like that, they already have their answers in mind.

I friggin kid you not people, when I write for you his answer. I could have never made this ish up ever in my lifetime even if I had Oscar Wilde, Junot Diaz, Toni Morrison in the room with me.

His answer:

“Have you ever watched Star Trek? Ok, ok, well they have these things called replicators where you can basically replicate anything. But, I would have a replicator that does not need an energy source of any kind.

Next, I would deplete the funds of anyone who benefitted from slavery and give that money to the descendants of slaves as reparations.

Finally, I would create a room with no windows that would allow the Holy Trinity to manifest itself in human form and allow people to come and consult it and speak to it. ”

I’m not lying yall. I’m not.

So I told him, “I’d feel like an idiot saying I want elves making Krispy Cremes in my basement after you wanting a room where the Lord shows up to have chats with people and replicators that don’t require an energy source.”

He laughed and said, he appreciated the fact that I was creative enough to answer and it meant I was quick on my feet. He said there are a lot of people who don’t answer at all.

I’m sure this man will be a great catch for someone, but not for me.

I’ve been in situations where it seemed like I was smarter than the man who was interested than me and I hated it. And now, yeah. Being on the other end, I hate it too.

I believe him when he says that he isn’t elitist, but smart people love other smart people. There’s a certain level they are looking for when they are seeking a relationship or the people they bring in their circle.

He said he was just a simple, southern boy with old school values, and I believe that, but eh, um, yeah. I’m not the right fit.

I tried to get him off the phone so he could eat his food and he said he’d call me back later that night, and I told him he really didn’t have to. Not sure if he’s going to try again. And one time he left a voicemail and had to include this is Dr. So and So. Really? You have to remind me you have a Ph.d?

I’m sure he is a genius, and he seemed to have strong opinions about family values, community and service. All of that is excellent, but um, naw.

I want a man who is smart, who is spiritually-grounded, who is kind and cares about humanity. But I also need a man who is goofy, edgy, and a little x-rated. Potty humor! I like potty humor! This man, I don’t see him going there, God bless him. And that’s cool. I applaud people for being themselves no matter what. Because whoever they are, they fit for someone, somewhere.

I think he is super nice, but eh, not for me. I’m thinking by the end of the convo, he may have felt it too. It will be interesting to see if he tries to contact me again.

Throughout this convo, with the professor, I kept thinking, “I can’t have sex with this man.”

So, new guy seems to be in the lead for the election of my heart…

Post Game Report: Tommy, You Ain’t Got No Job

Hey everyone.

Welp, I’ll give an update. So far in the last four days, I’ve managed to go on two dates and visit my fam and friends in New York and I’m exhausted.

Seriously, I’m strongly considering hoisting up my eyelids with toothpicks, if this coffee I picked up on the way into the office today won’t do the trick.

Your girl is tired.

But, I will say even though I had a lot of venom for the online dating site after the first debacle, I’ve met three nice guys.

(Why do I have the tune of three blind mice in my head?)

The crazy thing about these dates is the fact that they have really been impromptu, out of the blue, hey let’s go out, ok, let’s go. So I never had much time to prepare myself and get crazy, super glammed up, which I’m kind of happy about.

I mean, if you are going to dig me, you’re going to dig me right?

So date one was with what my mom affectionately calls an “airman.” That’s right people, God Bless America and the troops! I had snagged me a good ol chap from the U.S. Air Force.

I thought he was a nice guy. I thought he was pretty good-looking with a nice smile, when he did smile or laugh (I made fun of his serious face).

Did I feel major sparks? Eh, not so much. I can’t call it.

He may be the kind of dude where we’d have to go out a few more times before he’d really loosen up. I haven’t heard from him since the date, and I was a bit disappointed that he didn’t ask me to text him to let him know I arrived home safely. He did give me a nice hug. But throughout the evening, I really couldn’t tell if he was interested.

But date number two, oh.

That was last night and this man had no problem expressing that he thought I was gorgeous, and interesting and different I was and how he wanted to know what my ring size was.

Now, he was good-looking too. The convo was absolutely excellent and I never had that good a time in Chipotle to save my life. We were talking so much, that I didn’t finish my burrito bowl (a first) and it got cold.

We even continued the night shooting a little pool and getting more acquainted.

Here’s the rub.

There was a popular running joke/storyline for a character on the comedy t.v. show “Martin.” One of Martin’s best friends, Tommy, was well-dressed, well-spoken, but no one ever knew what he did for a living and he never disclosed what he did.

Well, this guy seemed to have done or is doing it all. In the span of our convo, he’s had a number of jobs, almost made the 2004 Summer Olympics, and aspires to get his pilot’s licence (but doesn’t want to be a professional pilot), wants to own his own plane by 40, is a musician, and the final gut punch was when he said he lived with his sister. I know a lot of people can’t afford to live by themselves. It’s a huge luxury.

Case in point: I was watching t.v. with my parents this weekend and a news story mentioned how more and more home builders are building homes for three generations and folks are snapping them up. My father asked me if that is something I would ever want to do with my future family and he and my mother.

I let out a huge laugh. And said, well you did it with your folks until you could buy a home, and I’m sure my kids would love having you two just a few steps away and it would save me money on childcare.

My father being so astute, laughed and said, “you didn’t answer the question.”

Anyway, it shouldn’t have surprised me that he didn’t have his own spot because he gave a long answer about what he did. So it seems, being a gifted musician, he does piano lessons, but that’s about it. And when he said he goes to the gym at 11 p.m. every night, it clinched it even more. “Tommy, you ain’t got no job.”

My heart sank as I walked to my car. There was something genuine and sexy about him. He seemed to be a dreamer. He told me that he liked to fix cars, and take things apart and challenge himself to fix it. He told me he could cook.

So for someone with all of these skills and talents, I guess he just can’t seem to do the 9-5 thing, and it’s not for everyone, I guess, but sheesh, I don’t know, yall. He’s highly interested.

Of course.

So I think the lack of for real solidified employment is what is preventing this seemingly nice, interesting man from having a serious relationship. But, it’s a big, friggin, deal.

Bachelor number three is tricky.

He is a New York City police officer. He is also good-looking. What I like about him is, he seems sensible and he makes his contact with me count. I missed having a phone convo with him Friday, because I was on my way to my date with the airman. So it will be interesting to hear his voice. He already has a tough job in one of Brooklyn’s most difficult neighborhoods, so I’m sure when he wants to chill, he wants to chill and have no drama in his personal life.

I said before that I hate NY men. However, I like texting him.

I’ve always said dating a police officer would give me chronic chest pains because I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I know he made it home safe every night.

I am quite interested in hanging out with him, when I go home for the holidays though. So yes, I am on my Carrie Bradshaw right now and of course, Kyle Barker hits me up asking how I’m doing…

But all-in-all this is actually turning out to be fun and it’s getting me out of the house.

I still refuse to take any of this seriously, but I do think it’s helping to open me up to new situations. So that’s a bonus.

Stay tuned. I’m sure it’s about to get interesting.

Addendum. ‘Fools Eliminate Themselves’

One of my closest and dearest friends told me years ago, that fools eliminate themselves.

Like just watch and listen and they will talk themselves out of your life, panties, etc., because they are so ridiculous, you just can’t fathom yourself dealing with them.

I’m going to tell the full story and hold myself accountable.

This dude I was supposed to be going out on a date with who I already figured was a hot mess, has been pressing me for a booty photo.

I have a wonderful plentiful butt. I get compliments on it. Fine.

He wasn’t satisfied with the lovely photos of my face. He just had to know if I had an awesome body.

I wasn’t going to do it. I haven’t sent booty pics in a few years, and when I did it was for long distance boyfriends who missed it like a best friend.

So basically there was a text exchange. He keeps calling me guarded and it’s so hard to get close to me.

Um, fool.

We talked on the phone for the first time ever in life last night. And sent a few messages.

Getting to know someone takes time. It just does.

I almost wish he’d cut the crap now and say,

I want to say all the things you want to hear, because frankly I want to smash. But because I think you are intelligent and classy, if I say that, I know you’ll shut me down.

I’m patient enough to bear with your Victorian prudish ass, because the most difficult ass is the most satisfying.

But no. He won’t do it.

So when I called him on it and said don’t make me out to be a Victorian prude we just talked yesterday, and one day does not a close relationship make, I get a voicemail.

This cat cancels our date and says we should postpone until it seems like I feel more comfortable… My translation: more open to the idea of letting him hit.

We have a control freak and a freak freak on our hands people.

This dude has a particular pace in his head of where he thinks this should be going if we are having good conversation and I guess this dude was thinking he was on pace to smack it, flip it rub it down within the next two weeks.

I won’t say I got played.

I laid all of this out in the previous blog. I knew he was ridiculous. I was just waiting for him to eliminate himself. I was waiting for him to lose his cover of being this nice guy who wasn’t a shallow gym meat head that couldn’t spell for shit. I wanted to show myself that my gut is right and to trust it from here on out.

So, I could either just fade him out.

Or call him back and let him know that I don’t think I’m the woman he’s looking for.

I’m fun. Ask my friggin friends. Fun as hell.

I can be crass.

I love Ghostface.

I can be sexual, downright nasty. Shameful. Ask my boyfriends and lovers.

But I’m not sharing any of that with someone after a few messages and a phone call.

He gave some sorry spiel about not wasting each other’s valuable time and he feels we shouldn’t force a date if I’m not all the way comfortable because he wants the date to be awesome.

Whatever. You want to get some.

Wanna see the messages we exchanged to end it all? I know you do. I love yall so.

Me: I got your message. I’m still at work so I didn’t want to call back. You are cool, but I don’t think I’m the woman you really want. I can be honest about that. I’m guarded for a number of reasons. I was engaged and it didn’t work out. I’ve worked hard on myself to heal. I haven’t had sex in a year and when I do, I want it to be epic and I want to be comfortable.

I think you have a very clear vision of where you want things to go and i applaud your ability to do that. I don’t think I’m going to get on your pace in a time frame that is satisfactory to you. So it’s ok if we don’t hang. I enjoyed talking to you, but the more I think about it, you don’t want the kind of girl I am. I’m just me and I accept that.

Him: You see me? I’m Hot! Prudes are no fun, holler at me when you want to relax and get acquainted. boo.

Him: I’m bored. I won’t give you my attention anymore. Good bye. Next… lol.

Me: And there it is! Thank you.

Him: No fun! And your prudish. LOL Peace.

Him: Be good and take care. Your very prudish.

Him: Date women ma. I’m gone. Like the last guy now. Learn to act right, really?

Me: Thank you for confirming who you are and what you are about. I shared something honest about myself to give you some insight and you are carrying on like you are. It’s ok. It’s clear, I’m not your type. We can end the convo.

Him: What am I doing? You’re not even sexy! Geze! Yuck! Prude girl with no ass! Lol

Him: I’m too cute for you. now that I really look closely to you. Do your hair and hit the gym boo, peace.

I think in his texts, this fool went through all of the stages of grief in less than 15 minutes. That has to be a record.

Welp. Here we go. I’m back in the dating world. I didn’t even have to go get a drink to get that dose of cold water to the face.

Who’s next?

Years ago, if this would have happened, I would have tried to prove to this man just how cool I was and how prudish I was not and I would have been miserable.

I dodged a bullet and a potential STD on this one. Go me.

This is progress.

I’m cured.

I could have pretended that I’m above doing stupid things and I’m better than letting a man like this even have some of my time, but I wrote this blog to hold myself accountable and to keep record that I don’t have to put up with anyone’s shit and that I should always trust myself above all else, because I’m right. What I feel is correct.

Back In the Game: Returning to Familiar Territory

It was a perfect storm.

Being bored, the temperature getting colder, the restlessness, the loneliness, the need to just take a risk and just open myself up–

It all led me to joining an online dating site.

So I may be having a date tonight. May be meaning if it happens, cool, if it doesn’t which tends to happen too, I won’t get bent out of shape because earlier this week I didn’t expect to be going out on a Thursday night and I’m going to a political fundraiser tomorrow evening with some friends who plan to introduce me to a guy tomorrow.

Feast or famine. Yes, I know.

Talked to a guy last night on the phone, and in pure me fashion, my fascination with assholes led me to the precipice.

He’s almost everything I can’t stand and get a bit excited by all at once. You’d think I learned my lesson in 1999, 2003, 2010, 2011.

He’s from NY. The city.

God. That’s already wrong. I’ve mentioned in previous posts how I don’t like dating men from NY even though I am a New Yorker myself.

The grown woman in me is saying, why are you even bothering with things you said you don’t want. It’s counterproductive and just ridiculous. Stand up.

The bored, lonely chick taking up residence in my brain is like, you’ve been bored as shit and you’ve tried the men who were safe and supposed to make sense and they didn’t move you either. You peaced out on them. At least be entertained in the interim.

This guy’s a fast talker, he’s slick. He’s preoccupied with his looks for sure. I can’t tell if he’s a shyster or a salesman. Please refer to Jody’s mother, Juanita from the movie Baby Boy on the difference.

“Are you trying to be a salesman or a shyster? You buy from a shyster, you feel like you got took. You buy from a good salesman and you feel lucky.”

He went to my university and hated it.

Another red flag.

At first, I wasn’t going to hear any of it. To me, if you went to my school and hated it, you didn’t try hard enough, you were narrow-minded, or you thought you were better than everyone else or you just had a screw loose.

Talking about my university in a negative light is damn near like cussing my mother.

But I listened. The interesting thing is, his gripes were valid and things he said, I couldn’t disagree with. It’s just not for everyone, and he basically admitted that every situation is different and he had certain expectations and was really surprised and let down. I gave him the rundown on my experience and he took in what I said.

Ok. Fine.

Strangely, he made me laugh which always puts me in good graces. In some ways he reminded me of my close boys from home who I can talk openly with about all sorts of things and make off-color jokes and be comfortable.

Also strangely, I do believe he was sincere when he was talking about the scene here in D.C. and how he can’t stand it and the other places he’d rather hang out. That’s an issue that’s near and dear to me, but I still think this guy works a situation with politician-like acumen, and will push a situation to see how far he can go. Interestingly enough, if you tell him no, he tries to push, but when you are firm, he backs down but won’t pout and get all silly.

I was testing for that last thing specifically. I don’t mind people testing boundaries with me in terms of flirtation or what they can and cannot say. But once I’ve said what I am or am not comfortable with, that’s where I am with it and don’t put me down or belittle me because you didn’t get what you wanted. I honestly expected him to act that way, so I could weed him out.

He didn’t.

That spoke volumes and helped his cause a great deal.

I find it funny this guy keeps thinking I’m highly conservative. I can be, but I do know how to have fun, but I feel like it’s a layer you have to earn to get to.

Going on a date with him will be like splashing cold water on my face. A jolt, a little refreshing and necessary to wake up.

I’m either going to dig him, or I’m not. Or he will strengthen my resolve to leave the assholes I love so much alone for good, or renew me for another year of the ladies association of asshole appreciators , Maryland Chapter.

This dude loves taking pictures of himself. At his desk, in the bathroom, at the gym. He has no lack of self-esteem and I think he’s attractive, but not the typical attractive I go for. More horrible signs of what I don’t like.

The strange thing is he seems really interested, and I’m surprised because of how shallow I kind of assumed him to be.  I like the fact he’s trying to prove he’s not shallow. And as I said, there are some hints of things I really respect in the way he’s expressed some things during discussion.

He is blunt.

He is self-aware of his asshole tendencies and even self-described himself as a prick.

So you all are asking. Why? We read your blog. You are a lovely girl, you’ve dated jerks before, you know how this goes down. You already have a good list that gives you plenty of cause to shut this down.

I have a curiosity problem and an ego. My ego is actually bigger than I let on. For some reason I get a kick out of getting under the skin of these types of men, just to prove to them they aren’t a slick as they think they are. Kyle Barker, a guy a referred to in a previous post is the only guy that seems to be winning the war in this regard. Haven’t cracked him, but I stay on his mind. We’ll have to call it a draw for now.

Not even two weeks ago, I was growing bored with a nice guy. So I need to cure myself back to reality by spending time with a prick to help me refocus.

This is twisted logic. I agree.

The other point, which is really the main point of all of this is basically to warm my self up for the real war. It’s official, I’m dating again. This is going to be suckie, and it’s going to be fun. But it’s a war. This date is a small battle to prep me for the rest of the tour.

I’m doing this on purpose to remind myself, I can’t take this dating stuff seriously and that whatever happens, is going to happen and I can’t walk into this assuming every man I meet is going to be the one. I’m doing this for you all. Because, you best believe I’m going to have some great material. Hang on to your socks.

It’s about to get real.

Online Dating and My Interesting Two Days Of It…

After a few glasses of wine and some silly girl conversation, a friend convinced me to join an online dating site. I signed up for three months and after about 48 hours, I’m already over it.

I tried to tell myself be open-minded, to give people a chance, but most of these men are hideous.

If they are good-looking, they are primping and posing with no shirt on, and I don’t want them either. Or they have 3 or 4 kids. Like they are 26, and have 3 and 4 kids.

I’ve already been yelled at and put down because I don’t want to give my number just because they said my photo was pretty. I’ve been told I am immature and playing games because I’m not ready to give my full first name, after I already said up front I don’t want to until I feel more comfortable exchanging more messages. I feel that I have a unique name and because of what I do for a living, folks can look me up and find out a lot of information. Excuse me for knowing stranger danger is real.

Then I have guys who are 24 years old grilling me about my life plans and successes and aspirations because they are super ambitious and their latter 20s, which are truly humbling years haven’t happened yet. They are so excited about just completing college and so proud of that, it’s like they are really trying to quantify my success and measure it by their scale.

No me gusta.

It’s flattering at first. All of the pings and the men saying they think you are pretty, beautiful and stunning even. I think a couple hundred men have viewed my profile in just two days and about 90 of them have actually tried to reach out.

Most I weren’t interested in, but it gave me a high. I kept checking the site to see who else admired me and actually wrote to me in their own words instead of using the stock responses.

But if I see another profile talking about how they don’t want to deal with drama, or they are drama-free, or how they don’t want to play games, they want women and not little girls, I’m going to scream. These men are regurgitating the same crap over, and over and over again. Those are what I call the “drinking game words and phrases.”

This truly has offered a number of lessons in social anthropology and psychology.

Some of the arrogant men want to pick me a part and almost make me prove I’m worthy to talk to them. It seems that a lot of these men are defensive and sensitive and jaded. I really thought they had more options. Or these men are just the losers of the world. I can’t call it. I’m already having ptsd because now I’m super careful of everything I say if I choose to write a man back and I feel I have to explain why I don’t want to give my name, number and address off the top.

You would think having a pick of hundreds of profiles would help me narrow down the field. Only two men have seemed remotely interesting, but there’s still something about both that leave a sour taste in my mouth. I may go out with one of them.

Now men I don’t even know and have never seen in person can be rude? Or too pushy? Or send me poems already? It’s almost laughable that I almost got into an argument with one man who just really had to have the last word and continue to berate me.

Then I had to realize, hol up. I can just delete this fool. Why am I getting bent out of shape?


This is supposed to be fun right?

This isn’t where I’m going to meet my husband, this is just a place to meet folks in the meantime, so why the hell do I care?

Because I do want to meet my husband someday and not think the perfect man for me was actually killed by a drunk driver last night.

I have a feeling that I’m not going to survive the three months, because I’m not feeling this online dating. Maybe I should have chosen another site, but I was just encouraged to try something and get out there.

I think I’m going to go back to the drawing board and just start putting more effort into my outfits, hair and make up every time I go out.

For some reason I feel like online dating was a lot more fun in college. I actually used it to either talk to guys at my college who I was nervous to approach in person, or meet guys from my college I would have never otherwise met. It was great. Everyone seemed more attractive and with far less baggage.

Online dating now, it’s a whole other story. I feel like I’m in a virtual rehab facility/halfway house where people are still recovering from bad situations, relearning how to integrate into society.

So what does that say about me?

Am I desperate?

Am I lazy?

Am I now ugly and uninteresting where when I go out, quality men (who I like in return) just can’t see my aura and gravitate to me.

At the urging of my home girl from the illustrious Kiss and Hide blog, I picked up a book that claims to help you get to your soul mate in seven weeks. It’s called, “Calling On the One.”  Now I don’t know if my soul mate will come a calling six weeks and six days later, but the author is speaking some serious truth about self work. And I’m about that.

I will agree, that when you open yourself up, when you are honest with yourself and real about your limitations, but play up your strengths, you will give off a certain confidence, you’ll reevaluate what’s important and that will open you up to looking at the people around you differently, and maybe even your guy will be closer than you think or someplace you didn’t expect.

Right now, I’m a dog chasing my tail.

I’m dangerously close to throwing nearly a year of celibacy out the window for a guy who turns me on like nobody’s business but has no interest at all in a real relationship.

So I press on.

I don’t think I’ll check for my messages as frequently, because at day three, this crap is already getting old, and I’m getting older too…

Okay, I am impatient and acting like a child with a Christmas toy, but I’m sorry, I can tell already this is wack.

Someone give me some encouragement. Stick it out for the three months and occasionally check the emails and accept a date or two? Make the best of it? Or call it quits now?

What say ye?

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