After a few glasses of wine and some silly girl conversation, a friend convinced me to join an online dating site. I signed up for three months and after about 48 hours, I’m already over it.
I tried to tell myself be open-minded, to give people a chance, but most of these men are hideous.
If they are good-looking, they are primping and posing with no shirt on, and I don’t want them either. Or they have 3 or 4 kids. Like they are 26, and have 3 and 4 kids.
I’ve already been yelled at and put down because I don’t want to give my number just because they said my photo was pretty. I’ve been told I am immature and playing games because I’m not ready to give my full first name, after I already said up front I don’t want to until I feel more comfortable exchanging more messages. I feel that I have a unique name and because of what I do for a living, folks can look me up and find out a lot of information. Excuse me for knowing stranger danger is real.
Then I have guys who are 24 years old grilling me about my life plans and successes and aspirations because they are super ambitious and their latter 20s, which are truly humbling years haven’t happened yet. They are so excited about just completing college and so proud of that, it’s like they are really trying to quantify my success and measure it by their scale.
No me gusta.
It’s flattering at first. All of the pings and the men saying they think you are pretty, beautiful and stunning even. I think a couple hundred men have viewed my profile in just two days and about 90 of them have actually tried to reach out.
Most I weren’t interested in, but it gave me a high. I kept checking the site to see who else admired me and actually wrote to me in their own words instead of using the stock responses.
But if I see another profile talking about how they don’t want to deal with drama, or they are drama-free, or how they don’t want to play games, they want women and not little girls, I’m going to scream. These men are regurgitating the same crap over, and over and over again. Those are what I call the “drinking game words and phrases.”
This truly has offered a number of lessons in social anthropology and psychology.
Some of the arrogant men want to pick me a part and almost make me prove I’m worthy to talk to them. It seems that a lot of these men are defensive and sensitive and jaded. I really thought they had more options. Or these men are just the losers of the world. I can’t call it. I’m already having ptsd because now I’m super careful of everything I say if I choose to write a man back and I feel I have to explain why I don’t want to give my name, number and address off the top.
You would think having a pick of hundreds of profiles would help me narrow down the field. Only two men have seemed remotely interesting, but there’s still something about both that leave a sour taste in my mouth. I may go out with one of them.
Now men I don’t even know and have never seen in person can be rude? Or too pushy? Or send me poems already? It’s almost laughable that I almost got into an argument with one man who just really had to have the last word and continue to berate me.
Then I had to realize, hol up. I can just delete this fool. Why am I getting bent out of shape?
This is supposed to be fun right?
This isn’t where I’m going to meet my husband, this is just a place to meet folks in the meantime, so why the hell do I care?
Because I do want to meet my husband someday and not think the perfect man for me was actually killed by a drunk driver last night.
I have a feeling that I’m not going to survive the three months, because I’m not feeling this online dating. Maybe I should have chosen another site, but I was just encouraged to try something and get out there.
I think I’m going to go back to the drawing board and just start putting more effort into my outfits, hair and make up every time I go out.
For some reason I feel like online dating was a lot more fun in college. I actually used it to either talk to guys at my college who I was nervous to approach in person, or meet guys from my college I would have never otherwise met. It was great. Everyone seemed more attractive and with far less baggage.
Online dating now, it’s a whole other story. I feel like I’m in a virtual rehab facility/halfway house where people are still recovering from bad situations, relearning how to integrate into society.
So what does that say about me?
Am I desperate?
Am I lazy?
Am I now ugly and uninteresting where when I go out, quality men (who I like in return) just can’t see my aura and gravitate to me.
At the urging of my home girl from the illustrious Kiss and Hide blog, I picked up a book that claims to help you get to your soul mate in seven weeks. It’s called, “Calling On the One.” Now I don’t know if my soul mate will come a calling six weeks and six days later, but the author is speaking some serious truth about self work. And I’m about that.
I will agree, that when you open yourself up, when you are honest with yourself and real about your limitations, but play up your strengths, you will give off a certain confidence, you’ll reevaluate what’s important and that will open you up to looking at the people around you differently, and maybe even your guy will be closer than you think or someplace you didn’t expect.
Right now, I’m a dog chasing my tail.
I’m dangerously close to throwing nearly a year of celibacy out the window for a guy who turns me on like nobody’s business but has no interest at all in a real relationship.
So I press on.
I don’t think I’ll check for my messages as frequently, because at day three, this crap is already getting old, and I’m getting older too…
Okay, I am impatient and acting like a child with a Christmas toy, but I’m sorry, I can tell already this is wack.
Someone give me some encouragement. Stick it out for the three months and occasionally check the emails and accept a date or two? Make the best of it? Or call it quits now?
What say ye?