Another headcrack came to me in the form of one simple sentence.
A friend forwarded me an article about settling, and the women who really want to get married need to get on board with settling for the guy who actually likes you. Like, likes you a lot.
The premise of the article is basically the fact that women keep chasing these good-looking, charismatic, emotionally unavailable men who keep stringing them along just enough and showing signs of serious relationship material to only yank the carrot again. The author concludes, “The truth is, when you finally abandon your propensity to desire men who don’t like you and instead make up in your mind to settle for the men who do, you’ll quickly realize that you didn’t settle at all.”
I had to think about this.
There were good men in my life that I didn’t give much of a chance, and I blamed a lot of things. Bad timing, not over the last relationship, not enough spark (my personal fav). But then there were times I tried to give these guys a chance because I knew it was the right thing to do, but something still nagged at me.
I’d step on the sidewalk and my heels would click clack, “He ain’t it.”
Birds would chirp and dogs would bark, “He ain’t it.” The hum of my ceiling fan would whisper it to me too. So, I’d say forget it and put the man out of his misery.
It’s no secret on this blog that I tend to love men who are jerks, who are difficult.
I bragged to my friend that even though I loved assholes, I knew for a fact, they loved me back.
Then that heifer has the nerve to hit me with some heavy stuff.
“Yep, your assholes loved you back, but did they love you “enough”? And are you satisfied with being loved back or are you really looking for the guy who will love you enough?”
It was a revelation really. I think you can ask any of my exes if they still love me or have love for me, and they will tell you yes and without hesitation.
But none of them loved me ENOUGH.
The words stung at first, but then it made me feel better.
It was soooo simple really. Terribly simple, and I never saw it that way before, considering I’m always talking about relationships, and I dissect them here on this blog.
But I feel the only drawback to the men who have the potential to love me even more than enough is, I’m not sure if I can love them enough.
My friend also pointed out that people use “settle” like it’s a dirty word.
“It makes it sound like you are getting nothing that you want. ”
Another good point.
I’m going to have to continue to chew on this for awhile.
For now. I leave you with the classic. “Settle for My Love.”