Just another WordPress.com site

Archive for the tag “Kyle Barker”

Lancelot Vs. Kyle Barker the Results Show

It’s been an interesting, eye-opening weekend.

In my last post, I waxed on about how Kyle Barker had this strange power over me. I alluded to his love of weed before, but after speaking with him and having drinks with him and hearing him wax on about how his recent trip to Jamaica was awesome because of the amount of weed he purchased and consumed and how he engaged in reckless drunken, and high behavior…

My bubble was burst.

I sat thinking, “What the hell? You are a grown man. You were on one of the most beautiful islands on the planet and weed was the only thing you can rave about? Not the scenery, not the food, or the music or even the beautiful people?”

Now fast forward to the next day, where a simple text between me and Lancelot turned into me spending the entire day at his lovely home. Sitting outside on his deck making drinks and talking about everything. Businesses, home buying, family, “the racism of low expectations,” so much. I cooked dinner. When the sun got in my face, he pitched a tent.

Looking at his well-manicured yard, he talked about the weeping willow which seemed to be the centerpiece.

I went nuts because, in one of my dreams from last week, when I was traipsing around the South, there were weeping willows a plenty. I love those trees. I told him about that dream. He smiled and said, “Well, I guess you are supposed to be right here right now.”

I kept staring at that tree. I told him he should rent his yard out to old church ladies so they could hold teas there, it was just that beautiful. I stretched out and let the cool breeze hit me. I saw birds with vibrant colors. I joked that even the air smelled different in his neighborhood than mine. And we probably live barely five miles apart.

I told him about how I used to marvel at trees down South. The real skinny ones that lined highway 95 or 85. You could tell they were old, but somehow they were ridiculously tall, but never snapped or bent. I used to think giants like the ones from Jack and the Beanstalk had to live up there.

“Strong roots,” Lancelot said.


He chuckled when I could see the colors on the wings of the birds and how excited I was to see them.

“This is what beautiful days should be like,” I said.

He said my amazement reminded him of when got lasik eye surgery and how it seemed like the entire world became this insanely vibrant place, with so many new secrets revealed, the smallest details of life normally missed, unfolding, now undeniable.

We talked all day and all night.

He loved the food and we ate until we were full.

We mixed drinks and I joked that usually I use the cheap stuff, when he offered up the good stuff. And boy there is a difference between the cheap stuff and the good stuff.

I was gone.

I paid for it dearly all day Sunday. But we still had a great time.

Day fell into night and at some point, he grabbed me and kissed me passionately. My head was spinning from everything I drank and from the moment.

I found myself nervous and quietly saying, “Please don’t kiss me like that if you don’t mean it.”

And I gave in.

Kyle Barker couldn’t be half the man Lancelot is on his best day.

Case closed.

Lancelot is the man who will tuck you in.

Kyle Barker will fuck you.

Lancelot is the man who will make you breakfast.

Kyle Barker will be long gone by then.

Lancelot will make you tea and bring you water and an aspirin.

Again, Kyle Barker will be gone and smoking.

Lancelot is the man who will reach for you in the middle of the night and hold you closer.

Kyle Barker will be gone and smoking.

Lancelot is the man who has a ten year plan and has long term visions he is certain of.

Kyle Barker has a great job, but he’s not game changing anyone’s life or providing folks with opportunities to empower themselves.

Lancelot is the man who won’t sell you a dream, he makes them come true and they are better than you originally imagined.

Kyle Barker is a means to an end guy. He does what he wants and what works for him at the moment.

Lancelot knows how to share. He gives freely. He is open, he is honest.

Kyle Barker is vague but that’s probably because he’s high.

Lancelot challenges you to be better.

Kyle Barker doesn’t care if you are better or worse as long as you aren’t wearing any panties.

I want to be better. I want to be more serious about my dreams and goals. He amazes me. I am inspired.

I respect him deeply.

And he’s a great kisser.

This is a no-brainer.

The Devil Listens Too

A long time ago, the old folks in church often liked to say, “When you pray to God, the Devil listens too.”

Last night, I prayed for my love life. I’ve started to do that more. For some reason, I never did. I always prayed for good health and peace of mind for my family and loved ones, prosperity, favor at work, but for some reason, I left God out of my love life.

So, last night, I prayed for a partner who was serious about loving me and protecting me and sharing his life with me.

Apparently, like an annoying little sibling, the Devil was on the kitchen phone (I know, I used to eavesdrop on my older sister).

I wake up late today, and I wake up to a good morning text from, none other than “Kyle Barker”.

You all know him. The suave, good-looking, intelligent man who rocks my world, but makes me a mess. Per the usual, we had a drag out some time last year and haven’t spoken for several months. I had said enough was enough.

But the other part to this that makes it so odd, is I thought about him as recently as yesterday.

A friend mentioned a few days that I should just hook up with him and rid myself of this serious lusty itch, I’ve got going on.

I said I couldn’t lower myself to call. I had too much pride and last year, I had nearly made it an entire year, without having sex. I owed it to myself to be strong. He wasn’t really worth it.

I had to hold myself accountable.

A simple good morning, and I was swirling. Questions, all over my head. What do I say? How do I respond. Be cool, ice-cold.

I said I was surprised to hear from him and that I thought of him just the other day.

To which, he replied he hoped I thought good things and that he was changing his number.

To which, I replied, my thoughts were good enough, however, when it came to him, the lines of good and bad often mingle and become murky. Then I told him I hoped all was well with him.

Then he threw down the gauntlet, said he missed me.

I would have been ok, but why did he say that?

I asked my best male friend what the deal was and if he was lying. My boy says he’s lying.

I know God works fast, but He isn’t the author of confusion.

He wouldn’t have me be with someone incapable of protecting me and my heart and this person has been careless in the past. This person has always confused me if nothing else. This person never really actively pursued me in the way I now realize a man should.

So maybe today’s text exchange was a test of sorts, to see just how much I’ve grown. If I can think for myself and be strong enough not get caught up in someone who always made me feel so weak.

I won’t blame the Devil, this time.

Either way, it’s going to be on me.

Post Navigation