I want something badly.
This came as a surprise to me because I didn’t realize how badly I wanted this particular thing until I realized how close I am to getting it.
They say success is where preparation and opportunity meet.
Preparation, I’m all over it and it means so much more to me than ever before.
I’ve noticed something about myself just this week. Rewind to about six to eight months ago. I found myself saying to friends and loved ones that I wasn’t me anymore.
I was no longer that driven, over-achieving, kick down a door, make it happen, just one more no away from a yes, girl.
It made me horribly sad, because I thought I lost that girl forever. I thought I was resigned to a life of accepting the bare minimum from myself because I felt I just didn’t have much more to give. At the time, I didn’t.
I can’t go into details about what I’m obsessing over right now but trust, when it goes down, a triumphant blog is to come. (If it doesn’t work out, an introspective one will probably appear.) And the thing for which I am so passionately gunning isn’t really the point of this blog, but the feeling that I’ve derived from this desire.
Being able to even feel what I’m feeling right now is almost as exciting as the prospect of attaining my goal.
But I will say this, upon recent events, my confidence in myself has been renewed and I’m feeling good about the future and the possible new directions it may take me in. Something was finally clicking in the universe, which in turn, propelled me to snap back into some of my old (positive) ways I assumed I lost forever.
Me going to the lengths I am going in preparation for the thing I want right now, would have been impossible months ago. I wouldn’t have had the strength mentally or physically. No way. Fear would have kept me in my bed with the covers over my head, I wouldn’t have dared to attempt this. I would have had a million reasons why it would never work and why it would be impossible.
Today, I see the possibilities. Even a few things associated with this dream that could be an inconvenience, I can see myself managing and eventually eliminating if I chose.
I’m paying greater attention to details, I’m refining. I’m even debating pulling an old school all-nighter fueled by Mountain Dew Code Red (getting conflicting information as to whether or not it is still sold or available) to study even more details of importance that can help me reach my goal.
All of this extra effort may or may not even be necessary, but I don’t want to look back and say I should have done more when I could have done more.
I’m a firm believer that when you are given an opportunity, you owe it to whomever gave it to you– God or human or both, to meet them half way by putting in the effort of honest, earnest preparation.
I’m not sure if I will get what it is that I want. I really hope so, but the fact I have regained the ability to feel this passionately about wanting something and to recognize this feeling and know this part of me hasn’t left for good, I’m relieved. I am emboldened.
It feels good. It feels right. It feels like me again.