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Archive for the tag “here we go again”

Introducing “The Candidate”

Ok. Here we go. Still getting over the whole debacle with Officer Cutie, I went back to Plenty of Fish with vigor.

A couple of cuties hit me up, but they are starting to drop like flies. One guy was a firefighter who moonlit as a manager for a female rap artist. He sent me a link to her music video and I will say, she is telling her truth. But I’m not interested in songs about women running drugs for their men and watching her do that and kill him at the end. She could be a raging success if they ever made a Love and Hip Hop DC.

He was a bit much. I knew after a while this guy would go the way of Lancelot because he also had no filter. So once the convo died down, I think we don’t need to resume it.

Another guy was really cute. He wants to go to college and study journalism, God bless him. He seems really nice and after four years of being single, he is very ready for a relationship. He needs to stay in the yellow light lane.

Slow down.

But I enjoyed his convo, he’s good-looking and has a nice sense of style, but I get the sense because he wants to do what I’ve been doing for ten years, he’s going to end up feeling more like a mentee than a boyfriend.

But let’s get to the most interesting point of my night on POF last night.

I saw a pic of a really handsome guy. But I said to myself, he looks so familiar. I just couldn’t figure it out. It was driving me nuts. I knew that I knew him but just couldn’t think of where.

So straight up, I sent him a message saying that I thought I knew him and the two places I thought I may have known him from.

So he smiled and said one of the two (well email smile).

So I said, I feel horrible for not remembering, but if you are who I think you are, it can’t be right. This guy moved down here for his girl, and if he’s on POF, that’s foul. LOL.

So then, I looked at his user name. Spelled it out backwards and it was his REAL NAME.

I knew who this guy was. So I told him. Your user name is your name backwards. I totally know you. LOL.

Well, I totally knew who he was at that point because he was fine as hell and I interviewed him for a position on my team at work.

We offered him the gig, but after stringing us along for a week (he had other offers I heard through the grapevine) he turned us down.

Oh well not a biggie.

So he was still trying to remember me and then I said, well you actually interviewed at my job, strung us along and rejected the offer. I really wish you had been up front about the other offers. I said there’s no hard feelings. You were overqualified anyway. 🙂

So then he said he interviewed at a lot of places and finally remembered and asked me my name.

Then he said “to your other point, we broke up months ago. A friend told me about this site.”

So with my foot planted firmly in my mouth, I decided to give a little. “Hey, I understand about moving for love. I almost did it like three years ago. We were engaged and it didn’t work out. I really meant no disrespect, it was a joke. But I’m really sorry.”

So he laughed and said it was cool. So I give him points for still asking me out. Some men could have taken what I said really personally and went off on me.

Then came the kicker.

“So since we met randomly on here, there isn’t a reason why we can’t go out right?”

“Um, I guess not. I mean you didn’t take the gig, so no HR drama. Sure.”

And here we go.

Introducing The Candidate.

I feel okay about this because I already know his resume. I know he didn’t send a fake pic, and I know people who know him. I was already attracted when he showed up for the interview. I was actually relieved he didn’t take the job, because I would have had to stay calm and cool everyday.

But reasons why I feel some kind of way. He’s in the same industry as me, which can be a good and bad thing we know some of the same people, which can be a good and bad thing. I said I would not date someone in the same industry again (Oh Katherine Woodward Thomas and saying what I won’t do).

And the super biggie is, is a few months out post breakup, post moving for his woman. To make that kind of move meant they were serious and probably put some time in. So there’s a part of me that feels like I could be on some rebound tip and easy to date and discard since he didn’t have to vet me from the site. So those are the things in the back of my head.

I am willing to go out and hang, because hey, I’m down to see what happens. I’m taking a risk.

Don’t Say What You Won’t Do

R and B crooner Jon B. came out with a song back in the early 2000s called, “Don’t Say.”

“Don’t say, what you won’t do. You know you’ll be the first one, to go on through.”

Now this song is actually about a girl that’s doing a man wrong, but I do like the original line for today’s post, “don’t say what you won’t do.”

I’ve always said, I do not want to date men from NY, especially black men from Long Island or NYC. Said this for years. I particularly have a lot of venom for black men on Long Island who seem to be disgusted by black women and don’t deem us good enough for whatever reasons they have.

I’ve also said, I didn’t want to date cops or active military men, because I would be constantly fearful for their lives and going nuts that they’d make me a young widow and have me acting like ol girl from “Silver Linings Playbook.”

I’ve also sworn off Caribbean and African men.

My friends have threatened me not to date any more men long distance. Like they’ve threatened. Some have said, they would travel across the world and country to stop me from dating long distance.

And they all laughed their asses off when me and Officer Cutie had a wonderful date and I had that sound in my voice when I talk about guys I like. It gets all high and sing-songy. So annoying.

Oh Katherine Woodward Thomas of “Calling in the One.”

You got me trippin right now. Oh, Katherine. When you said in your book to open up and not place barriers on who it is you date, and how your husband ended up being of another race your mother told you not to date, I had a panic moment.

Officer Cutie is a Caribbean man, from NYC, and clearly from his name, a police officer on a really dangerous beat.

So here’s what had me all messed up today.

Officer Cutie is a quiet guy, but when he speaks, you really want to pay attention. Today was no different. I perked up when he told me he had a question.

But let’s back up. Yesterday, we did talk about him coming to visit in the next couple of weeks and we were trying to decide on what’s an appropriate length of a visit since this is so new. I said he should come for a day, but I wouldn’t be surprised if things go well it should just be a weekend. But we should just see how it goes.

Back to fairly recent o clock today.

He basically asked me if I’d ever be willing to move back to NY.

I told him I really liked the DC area and that I would need a really good reason and an equally awesome job for me to move back to the Empire State. However, as I’ve said to tons of friends and as my life experience has indicated, I could end up anywhere, so I won’t say never. But I don’t really see it.

I asked him why he wanted to know and if he was trying to figure out if it was worth it to continue talking to me.

This dude:

“I ask because I was wondering if I ever had a chance of making you my girl and if things keep going well, and they kept going well, would you come back to NY to try to make it work?”

I lost my breath for a moment. Felt temporarily claustrophobic, but then relaxed. For the next few moments I was fixated on the words “making you my girl” and I smiled.

Then I went back to panic.

Yall know my story. Me falling in love with a man, getting engaged, planning to move to Chicago and even getting the green light from work to set up a home office there. The engagement falling apart, and me being devastated and embarrassed and the two years of darkness.

I had to come clean with Officer Cutie.

That I was a serial long distance dater and that my last relationship was a whopper. It wasn’t just a relationship, I was about to get married, then I wasn’t anymore.

I told him my story and braced for the worst. Who would want to deal with that? At least I warned him. It’s his own funeral.

He simply said NY and Chicago were different, that I had family in NY and that he would never ask someone to marry him and back out. If he was asking, he was intending to do it.

NY was different. There are a million ways to get to NY from the DC area, inexpensive buses, the whole nine. A long distance relationship in the Big Apple would not be the same logistical nightmare.

So I told him I thought it was important for him to have all of the information so he could make an informed decision about dealing with me. Then I added that the relationship ended in 2011 and that after a lot of soul-searching, I’m not bitter and crazy. I joked that I dropped a lot on him.

He then disclosed that he’s also been single since 2011 and has dated a lot since then, however I was the first one he could actually see himself with. Even though we only had one date, he really liked my personality and he believes we have chemistry.

At that point you could have really knocked me down with a feather. “I can actually see myself with you” also rang in my head.

A man, is straight up saying, “I can actually see myself with you.” The man is also asking questions to see how feasible this situation could be, but didn’t seem stalkerish or pressed, but open to seeing how things progress. But he wanted to at least see where my head was at before proceeding.

I really can’t be mad at that.

I’m trying to find the part of me that is supposed to say this is all a bad idea.

But I’m struggling to.

And that folks, concerns me.

“Don’t say what you won’t do…” “Making you my girl…” “I can actually see myself with you…” “Never say never.”

Oh brother…



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