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Archive for the tag “gifts”

My Creative God Complex

I am creatively restless.

I am about to explode. There is so much in me.

I lamented to a friend that I was itching to get out of my office, go away someplace, create, write, paint badly on canvas (never painted in my life), eat the most wonderful foods, drink amazing wines and have sex. That would make me happy right now.

My day dreams are becoming really powerful these days. Too powerful, distracting, and intoxicating for me to ignore and not act. They are far more fabulous and filled with passion and purpose than my current state.

In them, I am ridiculously happy, well-dressed, healthy and traveling as I please. I am working on my various projects, I am launching my novel. My non-profit for young women is doing powerful things.

Tyler Perry and Oprah are very interested in turning the novel into a movie. I’m asking Tyler over lunch respectfully about how he feels about the black bourgeoise crucifying him on every turn and blaming him for the coonization of black people in today’s media landscape, and how my main concern is that honestly those same people are the ones who love my book. How will he and his brand legitimize me in the movie world? He looks at me intently and says he loves the challenge and that is exactly why he was drawn to the material. His question was how will me and my book finally make those folks see him with different eyes?

He assures me not to worry. He’s ecstatic that I am so humble and wanted to learn everything about screenwriting that I can. He is impressed that I tactfully asked my question about coonery to his face. I’m so heavily invested in my book, and my characters that while I’m open to working with the pros, I want to be hands on…

See there I go.

To make matters better or worse, I get a breathless email from a friend who is traipsing through China this week, eating great food, exercising vigorously, immersing himself in language and culture and having a wonderful time. I’m jealous and inspired at the same time.

My sister sends me an adorable photo of the diorama of the wetlands she (mostly probably) and my nephew made for a school project. I think it is the finest diorama I have ever beheld.

These things heighten my senses.

I opened my fridge this morning to find spilled milk. I laughed while cleaning it up, and laughed harder at the irony of laughing at spilled milk. I thought of a new shirt design from that one incident. I thought of writing this blog. The creative force was beckoning me and I was already starting to run late for work.

Work is standing in the way of the greatness rumbling within. Damn…

Because I feel I am an artist today. On this extraordinarily rainy day, I decide to wear large jewelry, a shorts jumper over a white turtle neck, and blue tights, a massive statement necklace and long black jacket and tall black boots. It’s so extra for where I’m going to spend the next 8 hours, but I’ve got to be free. I’ve got to express myself today and through my clothes too (fashion is art). I recently finished reading an amazing novel, “The Human Stain”. I believe in order to be a great writer, you have to read great reading and study what the author was doing.

I was entranced by these characters Philip Roth developed. They each had a story that was thoughtfully played out. They were flawed, they were messy, arrogant, some how they were all intertwined with one another. They had secrets, they made massive mistakes, they carried their pain and they were often reckless in the quest to feel alive and free, if only momentarily.

I followed that connection in me. This yearning for reckless freedom. Freedom from the hold that paying bills and eliminating debt has on me. Freedom from the quick, scary pangs of fear when it’s really quiet in my apartment and I hear a random sound foreign to the regular sounds of my home and realize I am alone.  Whatever that sound is, if it is evil and wants to have at me, it has a very good chance of doing me in and no one will be able to save me.

I fill the noise with the low hum of the radio, say a prayer and go back to sleep.

So how do I break free?

The sobering reality is, I have to toil on in my practical world to pay the bills and finance my dreams that I feel are well within my reach.

Then came the rational roll-up-my-sleeves mantra I’ve adopted to “do what you have to do so you can do what you want to do.”

In my Holy Spirit-filled home church, there was a saying people often said. “Your gift will make room for you.”

This meaning, if you stick to your God-given talents, acknowledge Him in it, recognize where it comes from always, opportunities will present themselves.

I am a creative person. I am a writer. I had gotten so far from the writing path professionally for a number of reasons. It’s time to come back full circle, this time doing it on my terms. I’ll finish my book. Tyler and Oprah will come…

I feel a power and a connection to God when I write from my heart or when I sing. The creative force itself is Godly, in my opinion. Why wouldn’t it be? He is the ultimate Creator, I think He delights when we start combining our intellect and what’s in our soul to make something meaningful, even if it is only to one person.

Folks often think when we love others unconditionally, or treat people kindly, that is when we are most God-like.

That’s cool, But I think when we create something, see an idea through until it is materialized into something we can see, hear or feel, smell or taste (food is art too) that’s when He says, “Wow, look at my children.”

When we make something beautiful or useful or meaningful, I think that’s when we are most like Him.

Too Grown for a Christmas List??? Nope, Not Me

I’ve decided I am not too grown to have a Christmas list.


After all, I’m being helpful to the people I love the most. I mean, I’m not going to have a detailed list like I did as a kid, where I actually cut the pictures out of catalogs and circulars (finding the lowest price), but I think it’s a good idea to have some reasonable things in mind when family and friends ask you, “So what do you want for Christmas?”

Shopping for grown people can be a pain. You don’t want to waste your money by getting someone a crappy gift and you don’t want the people you like and love to think you are just some thoughtless twit phoning it in.

For people who aren’t that close to me like coworkers and such, they can’t go wrong with a $10 gift card to any of my favorite lunch haunts (Chipotle, Panera, Potbelly). It’s a great, usable idea that will never be a waste. I also love Ghirardelli peppermint bark. That is addictive and it’s seasonal so it’s not going to always be around. Or pick me up a box of Zen Tazo tea. Those things make me happy and it’s inexpensive. One year I purchased cases of diet Coke for co workers who were always wanting a can, but not wanting to go to the vending machine. They were set and they were thrilled. So simple!

I do expect my dad to get me a new digital camera, he helped me break it during our family reunion this summer and he hinted at replacing it.

I told one of my homies that I really, really want a nice infinity scarf and I saw a nice one for under $20 at Nordstrom.

There’s another awesome Michael Kors scarf that’s a little more pricey that I would feel better about treating myself to rather than having them cop it for me.

I saw this Lulu Townsend brass knuckle clutch at DSW, and it’s kick ass. It’s red and they don’t have it in black, and I don’t even mess with a lot of red, but I just want it. I’ll figure out what I can put it with later. I’m the queen of oversized bags, but this one made me stop and take notice.

You are my homie for life if you get me a gift card to the eyebrow threading place I go to. Sometimes I forgo it to be cheap and tweeze at home, so it’s a real treat to me. I think if your friends go to the same eyebrow spot or nail salon, it’s a no-brainer to give them a gift certificate to the places they frequent for personal upkeep.

Philosophy’s Hope in a Jar (big or travel size). The only product that truly moisturizes my face for real, for real. Especially the times of year when my nose starts peeling! This is a perennial winner because the large jar of hope in a jar should last you until next Christmas when someone can buy it for you again. These are the luxury beauty splurge items that can last, and you feel a lot better when someone else gets it for you.

Body by Burberry perfume. It smells nice. That is all.

The Lockheart wedges from report shoes. I saw these in an outlet near my parent’s house over the holiday for $70 bucks. They usually go for $90. I couldn’t pull the trigger, because I was being responsible, but damn, they are hot. These are stupid hot, because they give the illusion of a regular heel, but upon closer inspection, it is indeed a wedge.

I also am cool with new dishes, pans and knives. Is it just me, or do you some how lose forks? I don’t understand that.

Speaking of kitchen items, this is too expensive for someone to buy me, but because I’m flat-footed, when I cook for a long amount of time, my feet start to hurt really bad. These Anti-Fatigue Kitchen Mats are the truth and can provide me a little relief, while I’m preparing the grub.

I’m a salsa-making champion. This bowl makes sense for my life. Love the store Uncommon Goods. They have awesome quirky gifts.

That’s what this girl wants. Pass it on to my loved ones if you see them in the streets! Make your list too!

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