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Archive for the tag “Erykah Badu”

Phone Down

Erykah Badu has penned a culturally current and on-point song about dating in the age of smartphones and our collective obsession with them.
This is an excerpt of my favorite part of the song:
“I can make you put your phone down
Make you not wanna check that again
I could make you put your phone down
Ridin’ in a drop hair blowin’ in the wind
Baby I will put my phone down
‘Cause when you talk Imma listen
I can make you put your phone down
Leave it at the crib guarantee you wouldn’t miss it
I could make you put your phone down
And it wouldn’t leave your pocket
I can make you put your phone down
Probably wouldn’t even know how to unlock it
I could make you put your phone down
I see your friend callin but forget em’
I can make you put your phone down
Your mama probably think you out there missin'”

I’ve recently been having a string of dates (with the same person, hurrah!) where phone down has been in full effect.
We’ve naturally done this as there is a genuine desire to converse and just get to know each other, and it probably helps that we’re past the age of 30. So both of us can recall a time of being booted off the single landline shared by your entire household, when conversations with “your little friend” have gone on too long.

Alas, things have changed a lot even in the last decade. Our worlds are fast-paced. Our food is fast, our computers are fast, our smart phones are even sometimes faster than our computers. And yet the things that may be most important to us, like the relationships we develop, we try to blow past that too, with the expectation that we’ll gain the kind of trust, closeness and intimacy that can only come from honest-to-God-true put-in-the-work quality time. This should happen naturally of course, but quickly. Quickly is the key. Our collective attention span is crap, trash, ga-bage, basura. And this is probably indicative of the types of relationships we’re seeing come together and then quickly fall apart.

It’s been liberating to spend an entire day with someone, sharing thoughts about all kinds of things, learning about who they are only to glance at a phone for directions to the next location, or a yelp review for a restaurant we’re about to try or movie times at a nearby theater.

Sometimes we fear quietly co-existing with another person. But with the RIGHT person, sitting quietly, letting your thoughts or the last words expressed just linger in the air can be comforting. And it’s very honest. From every snort of laughter, to blush of embarrassment, or pause you take to complete a thought, you’re completely exposed. Distractions have been eliminated and you’ve shown each other how much you value the other person and their time. You’re saying, you are all that matters to me right now. It’s a powerful statement. It’s worth more than thousands of likes.

There was a time where people argued about the value of sitting down each night for a family meal because parents were working and kids involved in different activities. People were scattered. Now, we’re in an age where people are sitting down for the meal (more people work from home, kids spend a lot of time at home) but aren’t truly present because glued to their own individual phones and devices. The premise of connection has always been the same, but the practice has totally switched up.

So go ahead, and put the phone down. You probably wouldn’t miss it. I know I didn’t.

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Crushin

I think I have a crush.

It’s been taking years to develop, but I’m willing to step forward and admit it.

There’s a really cute guy in the service department of the dealership I go to to get car repairs done.

He’s always very nice, and polite, and HONEST about the work I need to get done, and helps me figure out the least painful ways to get my car fixed and still keep me safe on the road.

He’s like a hero to me.

I’ve been gushing to everyone about how helpful he’s been during these past painful weeks of car trouble.

While some of the other guys in there over exaggerate on the estimates, he doesn’t.

I think I kind of sort of flirt with him, and I can’t figure out if he is feeling it or not. I didn’t give it much thought previously because I was in a relationship and at one point I was engaged.

But hmmm. The fact that I wore a sundress, flat ironed my hair and wore lipstick to be at the shop by 8 a.m. today, um, yup. It’s official. I have a crush.

Couple that with him saving me $300, and giving me a loaner (when they usually drop me off), I’m swooning.

He seems quiet and polite, a rarity these days. And he’d get points from my dad for knowing about cars. My dad always wants me to date a man that knows something about cars.

He seems really quiet and polite, he laughs at my jokes. I may be too much for him. I can be loud and a little crass.

He doesn’t wear a wedding ring, but who knows? He may have a girlfriend. He may have a boyfriend. He may just humor me as a customer because, well he’s supposed to be nice.

One of my homies said I should go for it.

But I already know that’s a bad move. This same friend says I have the “Erykah Badu effect” on men. I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

*Erykah Badu Effect: When one’s lovin is so good, it makes men ecclectic, vegetarian, go on life journeys to get themselves together post relationship. i.e. Andre 3000, Common… (For more on the Erykah Badu effect, one blogger breaks it down here in a post called, “Magic Genitals.” Too funny.)

I can’t Badu him because I like getting my car fixed there, I like him being nice to me and if it went horribly, I’m quite sure he and his colleagues would find more things wrong with my car all of a sudden.

I told my friend it was too risky.

The only way I could do it is if I bought a new car from a competing company and rolled in there to ask him out.

I also wonder if I’m romanticizing this guy because whenever I have car trouble, I’m already vulnerable and stressed out.

He could be a jerk, or a slob. He could have four babies mothers. Maybe he’s on a work release program.

Oh, but he seems so nice.

Did I mention he has one brown eye and one grey one? It’s strangely unique, thus more exciting to me.

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