29tolife

Just another WordPress.com site

Archive for the tag “encouragement”

Vision Boards May Be A Window to the Subconscious

Over the weekend, I sat down with a friend. We had wine, we caught up and we made vision boards.

My friend had already started one and it seemed like she could never finish it, and well, it was time for me to make a new one.

Hers was filled with images and words dealing with marriage and babies.

Mine said absolutely nothing about marriage or babies, or rings or wedding dresses. My board seemed to be more about self-esteem, encouragement, fitness, travel and me starting grad school next month. I did mention love and faith and spirituality, but nope. Nothing concrete about relationships. Which is odd, because it’s a prevailing thought in my mind, day in and day out.

So once we pointed out those differences in our boards, I went back to my house that night thinking, dang, I want love. So what’s up with that? Maybe I should be MORE specific.

Maybe I should devote a vision board strictly to love and relationships.

So Sunday, I put on some music, broke out the art supplies and old magazines and I got to work.

The border of my vision board, I wrote all kinds of words that I think are crucial to a happy, healthy, mutually beneficial relationship.

It seemed like I focused on the concepts of partnership, trust, honesty, courage, friendship, having fun together, traveling, trying new things, passion, respect.

I finished my very nice-looking board, and once again. No marriage, no mention of the m-word. No babies. I only used the words family and home. I cut out no photos of brides or babies or dresses or rings or flowers.

I did cut out a photo of a man and woman kissing and the woman was wearing a ring. The only other images I cut out were of a couple relaxing and sleeping together cuddled up in a hammock and another couple on a beautiful island, having a special, romantic dinner.

So after I finished, I looked at this board again surprised at my choices.

I don’t think it was conscious. I strictly wrote down things I felt, things that were most important to me and I cut out words and images that spoke to me, so that’s what made this exercise even more eye-opening.

What can I take away from this?

Do I want to be married? Ever?

Yes, I think I do eventually, but not now. I clearly need to feel completely secure in my next relationship and my focus is on building, building, building, feeling safe, feeling loved, feeling appreciated. I put down all of the things I knew I needed. And maybe in the past I hadn’t taken the time to really, really delve into the things I needed. I just hoped the person I was with could give me those things whether they could or couldn’t and I went along with the program. Maybe in the past I didn’t know all of the things I really needed.

Do I want kids? Ever?

If you’ve read my blog, you know I’m on the fence about having children. So it’s still a big question mark.

I’ve been telling a lot of my friends about the vision boards, and they’ve all been very interested and asking me how to do it. So here we go. There’s a number of ways you can go about it.

When I was working on my tee-shirt company and preparing for the GRE those were goal-specific.

I put down goals, and even deadlines for those goals. And I’d cross things I completed off. I’d paste words and pictures that were related and inspired me.

The boards I made this weekend were general. But I do think that the more specific your board, the more you can analyze it and drill down what you need to do in order to accomplish whatever your vision is. My general board showed me that I really want to be more physically fit, I want to do well in school and I want to travel and I want to be happy and feel good about myself.

The love board showed me a lot about myself and what I expect from a partner, which in turn might be a great thing to share with a guy who may actually have a chance. That board can serve as a reminder if any man I’m dealing with is lacking in certain areas, then I can articulate what I want and need.

So my suggestion is, for whatever kind of board you make, break out old magazines, glue, stickers all of that good stuff. Be relaxed and comfortable and devote some time to it. Don’t rush. I may have worked on my boards for two or three hours. If you don’t finish in one sitting, that’s okay too. I prefer finishing it so I can take a good look at it.

My friend made positive, affirming sentences out of some of the words and phrases she cut out. That’s also a good idea. The point is to pick out things that really stick out to you. I like taking things from magazines because you can’t predetermine what folks put in the magazine. What you see and how you apply it to your vision will be very unique to you and you’ll cut out certain words and certain images because it says something to you that someone else may not see.

So hey, if any of you make a vision board, please let me know how it goes and if you see something in it that you didn’t expect. This was really enlightening and it was a lot of fun and relaxing.

 

Advertisements

Cutting Down on the Negatives

Ok, my charming, witty homie ShoesOverBooze, of Kiss and Hide has me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. She reposted my blog post on her blog and also took part in my Do Something Movement challenge that I wrote about a few days ago.

She’s off to a great start and she shared some very real and honest stuff. I wish her the best of luck and I’m sure she is going to reach her goals!

I beat myself up a lot too! I’m going to work on that one as well. 🙂 Go girl, you are just awesome!

Read what negative behaviors she’s going to defeat right here…

 

Cutting Down on the Negatives.

My Tentative Message to the Girls’ Conference

I don’t even find it a coincidence that a few moments ago, I was invited to speak on a panel for a young women’s conference in my hometown in March.

I’m basically a week away from turning 31 (where I told my best friend, this is the year we ‘show em how it’s done, 31’), and I’m reflecting and such anyway.

I was asked about potential topics, and  the main one that came to mind was about talking to the girls about real things that usually result in success.

Folks talk about dreams and hard work, but no one ever gives the specifics like:

Making a Plan.

Revising the Plan.

Finding Mentors.

Doing what it is you want to do for FREE until someone can pay you.

Realizing that the people you may be helping for free can in fact help you later.

Not giving up.

Not listening to negative people.

Sticking to your mentor like glue.

Befriending like-minded people who have similar goals, so yall can eat Ramen by candlelight together and dream out loud. Those friends will hold you accountable and remind you of your dream when you forget.

Having the understanding that feeling tired and uncomfortable and frustrated and as if time is standing still and you are too– is part of the process.

The importance of giving back.

Finding other strong women who really love you and will nurture you.

If what you are doing isn’t working, doesn’t feel right. Then stop. Find the right thing. Do not waste time. Don’t be scatterbrained and mistake lulls for it not being the right thing, but if you are just totally miserable and can’t see a light at the end at all, you need to find something else to do.

You can’t do anything worth doing by yourself. You have to ask for help.

Mistakes can be helpful.

You have to take a risk. If you aren’t a little bit scared, you aren’t trying hard enough or putting yourself out there. You are playing it way too safe.

The second thing I want to say is, there is money and clothes, cars and jewelery if you depend on your looks, your body and a man. But you still have to pay in some kind of way for that life too.

And now after spending the last decade trying to chase an amazing career and make loads of money, I want to really impart on the young women that everyone won’t be a doctor or a lawyer. Everyone won’t be famous or wealthy.

But guess what, if you aren’t, it’s ok. You are not a failure.  The worst thing you can do is something someone else wants you to do that you don’t want to do yourself. It’s wasted time going to school or picking a job because your parents or someone else told you it would make you a lot of money.

It’s about you finding your lane, honestly. Making an honest living that you are proud of , doing work you are proud of.

Even if you don’t go to college, or you join the military or do a trade, or start your own small business, pick something you are interested in. Figure out how to make a living out of it, then use the internet to track down all of the people you admire in that industry and ask them for advice or bounce ideas off of them.

If you decide I want to make enough money to travel once a year and pay my bills and that makes you happy and you aren’t selling your good good on the street or on Craig’s list, then hunny, you do it.

That was the lesson I’m learning in my 30s. I may not become filthy, stinking rich. It won’t hurt, but I’m proud of what I’ve already accomplished and I live independently and I go shopping to buy the things I like and I handle my business. Sometimes you don’t realize how blessed you are.

Have I been looking for a new job? Sure, but I can still pay my bills and splurge on great restaurants and theater and things I like to celebrate my upcoming birthday. I’m so blessed to be able to do that. Right now, that can be enough until it’s my time to do something else.

I’m looking forward to this event. And now, I have to plan something Olivia Popeish to wear to said event!

Love this song. Makes me want to go get em!!!

Post Navigation