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Archive for the tag “dating older men”

Dating Fails Don’t Exist

I had a major light bulb moment pulling into the parking garage at work this morning. It’s been horribly cold, which tends to make people always a little more pressed for physical contact and affection and some love.

Since December, I was fixed up with a guy who was attractive, smart, and was passionate about music and the arts. I thought everything was all good. He was interested, he spoke highly of me but something wasn’t quite right.

Even from our early dates, he would abruptly stop the conversation to say that I cut him off, even if I was ten minutes late to PICK HIM UP from the metro, it was unacceptable.

Meanwhile when it came to my birthday, he did send flowers and cards. I love cards, but I love them most when people write in them. I should have known that when he didn’t write much in them, welp… (blame my dad, he always writes the most wonderful things in cards.)

Anyway the final straw was when i pointed out to him that sometimes he can come off condescending and it causes me to shut down.

Instead of saying he was sorry or he didn’t realize that he went off on me he blamed me, saying that I was too thin-skinned for him and that he shouldn’t wonder why he needs days off from seeing me.

Now, I was sensing something was up when he didn’t want to hang out on the weekends, and that outburst totally sealed the deal.

I told him I just might be sensitive and that’s ok, but I certainly don’t want anyone who tolerates me or needs to take days off from me. He said something else about him patting me on my head and telling me to settle down to which I responded “Pats on the head are for dogs and children, not your partner.”

After he refused to speak to me for a few days, it was hilarious that on valentine’s day, in an effort to be gracious I guess, sends me a text saying he’d understand if I took someone else to a concert we were both looking forward to. You don’t say, sir? I had already made arrangements to take someone else. And I had a great, worry free time without him.

For a few days I had this nasty after taste left in my mouth. I couldn’t figure out how someone who went through the trouble of all of these grand public gestures could be tired of me or harbor whatever feelings. Maybe like me he knew it wasn’t going anywhere and was trying to force it because a mutual friend set us up.

Either way, I just couldn’t shake how I let myself ignore the feelings I had because he once again seemed like the type of guy I always wanted, except for the part where he accepts me completely and adores me. This guy would go from one extreme to the next, pondering what our children would be like to not complimenting my hair when I asked if he preferred one style to another, but responding that at least one style was “neater.”

So who needs that?

So this morning I reminded myself that dating is a tryout. Dating is not a relationship. Me and this person were not in a relationship, therefore it wasn’t a failure or a reflection of my character, beauty, ability to keep a man. The sad part was I was changing myself, being more quiet because I preferred that to him tearing me down or challenging me for challenging him when I spoke my mind or shared an opinion. It seemed as if he had something to prove a former musician, who I still believe prefers to be that, but reality is reality and he has to pay bills. He was older.

There is an unhappiness in him. I hope he finds some peace. I think he’s envious of his best friend who has a beautiful wife and baby and he’s trying to play catch up. It didn’t help that after I’d had enough and called him out on being a jerk, that earlier in the week his job basically told him the same thing. So honestly, I feel vindicated. He’s oblivious. No matter how old you are, you should want to grow. And normally you are wise enough to accept feedback from people. Guess he didn’t want that from me.

Unfortunately for him, he wants a brilliant, beautiful mute who will carry his child.

I can’t be that.

I am loud sometimes. I am very quiet sometimes. Sometimes I like being the center of attention (he likes it all the time), sometimes I like playing the support role for others. I believe everyone has something to offer.

So I did something unexpected.

A person who managed to keep in touch with me had asked me to lunch or dinner a few weeks back.

I spoke to this person and asked if their offer was still on the table.

We got together on Monday. I laughed, I occasionally used foul language. He PICKED ME UP and he said some things that kind of hit me over the head.

I was talking about the new job I had since we last talked and being in school. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year, maybe even two years. I said doing this new job has given me the confidence to ask for more.

He said that he was shocked that I had a confidence problem because he knew I was a hard worker and creative and can read people. He said you always deserved more. You can think bigger, you should have been thinking bigger a long time ago.

So just days ago, I was dealing with someone who said I was too much, while someone else is saying I should go harder.

Days ago I was dealing with a person who said I could only be taken in small doses (even when I’m letting him do all of the talking), while someone else wants to plan trips and didn’t want the night to end.

Ok. It’s taking me a minute to see the light, but I see it.

Dating fails are an illusion. All dates don’t lead to relationships. That in itself is not a failure. It’s a tryout. And not everyone makes the cut, nor should you just give someone points for participation or attendance.

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A List Of Things I Know for Sure

You all know how much I love Oprah. She’s got this thing called, “What I Know for Sure.”

Over the past few days, even a couple of weeks, a lot of things have become very, very clear.

One of the things that keeps hitting me over the head is, new job. New job. New job.

Thing two is I’m totally voting for Obama. These things are tied together.

Thing three is nothing on this planet belongs to us. We are borrowing and sharing from and with the rest of humanity. We are borrowing from the future inhabitants of the world, we are sharing with those of us alive at the same time. Nothing belongs to us, because anything we have can be taken from us at any moment. So there’s no need to be greedy, or stingy, or so protective of what we have, because you’ll learn the lesson the hard way. Keep on doing what you are doing if you fall into that category.

Thinking this way this last week, wondering if I’d even have a job this week when others were laid off, it makes me want to give more. It’s not mine anyway. Whatever I do have in me, it’s time to give. When we do that, we are opening up opportunities for others and in turn, opening up more opportunities for ourselves. Hell, when my car almost broke down and I had to fork over a couple hundred dollars to fix, I just said, God this all belongs to you, I’ve been through enough, I just want my car to run and thank you that I didn’t break down on the road this weekend somewhere between Brooklyn and Maryland.

Back to the point…

The company I work for was sold.

Fine. We knew that was coming.

But we got sold to a smaller company that has not so great benefits, will make us pay more for our share of health insurance (some folks with families will be paying $1000 a month, like who has that and other bills too?).

Oh, the kicker?

A 7.5% decrease in all of our salaries. Yes folks, so here’s why I’m voting for Obama.

Republicans would argue that the government takes money from hard-working people who earned it to give to folks who don’t deserve it.

Well, in this competitive market, a COMPANY, not the government basically said, you make too much and for this company to grow, yeah we have to take almost 8 percent of your income that you did earn, and on top of that make you pay even more for healthcare… don’t worry, we will grow now because thanks to how awesome you all are, we’ll see profits down the line.

I sir, call bullshit. Please vote. Please take someone to vote. Do not believe this trickle down shit. Big companies are only going to look out for themselves. Period.

This is what companies and these businesspeople the Republicans want to give bigger tax breaks do, they fuck other people so they can keep their OUR money. We cannot let this happen.

Shit is so real. So I’m on the grind looking. This is downright scary.

I feel horrible for the pregnant woman on my job who basically said, with the new plan, she’s basically going to have to foot the entire bill for her pregnancy. She’s in a panic. And I don’t blame her.

So even working people, with damn company insurance, really need help. This ain’t no game.

Now that I’m done with the really bad news, the other thing I know for sure is that seeing my vision come to life fills me with joy. I’m determined to keep going.

I had the photo shoot for my tee-shirt line in Brooklyn, NY this weekend with fabulous, beautiful, hard-working talented friends.

I learned, when you let people in on your dreams and let them take a part of it, it not only lifts you up, but makes you accountable to really not give up and make it happen.

Why? Because these people believed in you enough to give up their time, their energy and sweat because they believe the dream too. Your real friends and loved ones are invested.

We were up at the crack of dawn, and I was doing every menial job possible, but I didn’t care. I loved every minute. I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of my friends who helped me. I can’t stop looking at the photos I took and video. I’m going nuts waiting for the photos  my professional photographer homie took. They are going to be insane.

Even just seeing how the shirts looked on other people filled me with pride. My models were beautiful, they were just being themselves, and from the photos I did see, they were just amazing. AMAZING!!!

I learned I do want to work for myself, and provide others with opportunities. I don’t want someone to evaluate me every year and give me their opinion of how I work, whether I suck or whether I’m awesome, then toss me a few pennies or not toss me any pennies. I want to give somebody a job so they can be independent, and feel good about themselves.

I’ll let my customers tell me, and I’ll tweek my product and services until they are happy and I get the value of those products and services. That is the American way. Not this world I’m living in right now.

I don’t want to be at the mercy of some large company that has the audacity to assess my value and then say, “you make too much.” Or, “You should be happy you have a job.”

Those are the options now?

Yall better wake up. I’m totally awake. Bright eyed. I got comfortable. I did.

If I didn’t get my promotion a few months ago, yall, with this cut, I would have been making a little over what I made when I first started at my job five years ago. That’s how real this situation is. My second year into my job, I had to take a second job. So taking a nearly 8 percent cut ain’t no joke. NO JOKE.

The next thing I know for sure is I’m developing feelings for the older gent.

He is supportive, kind, caring, funny and when I was having these crappy days, he was the first person I wanted to see.

One of my friends just suggested going speed dating, and I kind of don’t want to go. I don’t feel like I’m ready for a serious relationship with him right now, but I’m happy where we are. I think of him often.

So these are the things I know. These are the things I know.

What do you know for sure?

Older Men and the No Game, Long Game, Game

Time flies when you’re having fun.

For a little more than two months, I’ve been basically hanging with my older gent at least twice a week.

We’ve been going to restaurants, museums, taking in shows, having drinks, and I’ve cooked for him twice. We’ve even started the television series, “Breaking Bad” together. Yes. We are only on season one. We are waaay behind. No spoilers please.

He just disclosed to me last night that his birthday was coming up. Actually I brought it up because I wanted to know what his sign was. And when he said Virgo, I realized, that’s quickly approaching.

So of course I wanted to do something for him. It was instinctive. I’m excited because it gives me an opportunity to do something really nice for him. All of the wining and dining without a flinch, has made me feel like its high time to return the favor and I want to because he deserves it, in my opinion.

I’ve had a drama-free two months, no pressure for sex or a relationship and he basically enjoys my company, compliments me, listens to me and thinks I’m awesome.

So in honor of his, eek now 48th birthday which still makes me feel like the age gap has grown even wider and gulf-like, I’ve narrowed down the gifts and celebration ideas.

  • He’s a steak fan so the über fabulous Ruth Chris. It’s expensive, but if you add up all of the money he’s been shelling out, one Ruth Chris dinner on me really is a drop in the bucket.
  • He’s a golf fanatic, and he often plays at the club near my house. I was able to find out that there is such a thing as a golf gift certificate, so I was thinking two rounds of golf at the club on me.
  • And lastly, because he really likes go karts and thought of opening one, I would take him to this really awesome go-kart spot in Northern Virginia where you even wear a uniform, gloves and a helmet at a fabulous indoor track.

I was out with him last night, and he’s growing more physically attractive to me. His eyes, his smile, the beard he grew just for me because I wanted to know what it looked like. He doesn’t look like he’s “damn near 50.” Early 40’s totally.

I’ll actually be hosting a house guest the weekend of his birthday, so whatever we do will have to come a little later.

So, I think I like him. And no, we still haven’t kissed yet. Now that we haven’t done it, I feel like there has to be a right, special time for some reason.

I’m also nervous about it because things will certainly change.

Now that part, I’m not quite sure I’m ready for.

At this point, either of us would be free to walk away and it wouldn’t hurt that badly, but introduce the other stuff and full-blown feelings are involved and expectations.

But I guess if I’m willing to go all out for his birthday to show my appreciation for how awesome I think he is, something is already happening.

He said that he’s mentioned me to his friends and that he believes we are certainly more than friends.

He’s also mentioned to me that even though he hasn’t put any “Mack daddy” moves on me and he’s going very slow, that I should make no mistake,  he’s  interested.

And my personal favorite, was when he nonchalantly declared that men under 35 still have no clue how to truly satisfy a woman.

Bam.

I quickly followed up saying, um, is this some kind of self-endorsement? He said no, but he did say it was the truth and that men of a certain age appreciate women more and aren’t as enthusiastic about finding that elusive “something better.” They start appreciating what they have more and in turn will, do a far better job.

Well oh my.

For the man who says he has no game, once I started blushing and squirming in my seat, I could have sworn I heard “checkmate.”

So, while he’s patient, he’s made it clear that he’s gladly investing his time and energy in me.

I should be flattered. And I am.

This is all just very different for me.

Older men may claim to have the no game, game, but I’m starting to realize for a man willing to play one game of golf for five hours, wooing a quality woman for two months, without even a kiss is nothing. A man willing to play the long game and play it cool, has the ultimate game.

I respect his gangsta.

One and A Half Feet Out the Door…

I have a whole lot of grown woman songs in my head right now.

I’m slightly annoyed but entirely enlightened.

I was talking to two of my close friends. I said the magic words, “I think I may keep so and so around. I like him.”

So and so is the older gentleman, and we’ve been spending a nice amount of time together lately.

The most we’ve done is a lingering hug and a kiss on the cheek.

We’ve been trying all kinds of restaurants, he’s teaching me to play golf, we have gone to the casino and we have a really long list of museums and other things to check out and experience together. It’s no drama. He’s open and honest.

Words are powerful. As soon as I said what I said yesterday, I knew the universe heard me loud and clear, and would challenge me to hold me to it or back down.

As soon as I said it, I then followed up saying, “I can feel my ex coming. I haven’t heard a peep for too long, and now that I’ve said that, he’s going to pop up.”

I should have also included that I wanted a million dollars, because just as I was saying goodnight to my date after going out for seafood and then playing a few rounds of the Scrabble card game Scrabble Slam, my ex-fiance sent me a text.

You know the good ol’ how are you one.

I knew it.

I felt it, I knew.

His testosterone levels must have dropped, he felt a tingle in his balls, because I was having a really good time with someone else.

So I’m an active participant in my own torture. I return the message and then he asks to call.

So fine. We talk.

He let’s me know about his new job and he does his signature move of dropping information on me nonchalantly.

First, I said something snarky, so he playfully joked he would use all of the frequent flyer miles he’s racking up with his travel-heavy gig and come “hunt me down.”

To that I replied, “I’m at the same spot. There’s no hunting down necessary. No body is scared of you. Besides, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

I guess he saw this as a challenge.

So then he brings up the fact his company is headquartered 15 minutes from me. Duh, the last time we talked is when you hit me over the head with that info and then disappeared for three weeks, leaving me to deal with it, by sobbing uncontrollably and leaving work for the day. So no reminder is necessary.

He decides to announce that he’s told his superiors that anytime there is an opportunity to go to Maryland, he wants to be the person assigned.

Now, before when he mentioned this it seemed he would be assigned to go there from time to time, now he’s asking to be the one sent ANYTIME.

So he drops information, and I really didn’t react. I think I said something else snarky or changed the subject completely. He said I was acting stank when he just disclosed that he basically volunteered to be sent to Maryland as much as possible.

In my mind, I was asking myself what does this have to do with me? A year ago this information would have given me hope. Oooh, he asked them to send him to Maryland every time they need someone to go out there. Now, I just feel tired. Big deal.

The question is what are you trying to do once you get here?

What is your plan surrounding me?

At this point, I’d rather him go all out and say whether or not he wants me back and deal with my reaction than for him to drop all these hints waiting to see how I’ll react.

You’ll get a reaction out of me if you said, “I’m moving to Maryland permanently and I will do whatever it takes to be in your good graces again.” If he can do that or play P.M. Dawn’s “Die Without You” on two kazoos out his ass in two-part harmony, I’ll strongly consider he is really serious about me.

For right now, what he is shoveling me is filler.

And if you’ve seen me have a bad crab cake, you know how much I detest filler.

I honestly wanted one face to face over dinner to hash out some leftover stuff and move on, while looking ridiculously hot, give him blue balls and go home in triumph.

Even if he came back to Maryland for work after that grand event, I wouldn’t jump if he said he was in town.

But there he goes, upping the ante just slightly to get a reaction out of me. My reaction was not sleeping well last night and waking up annoyed this morning.

If he wanted to see me, he would have seen me by now. Long distance was hard enough the two years we did it. Now with him having a job where he’s gone and traveling four days out of the week, every week, he has no time for me.

He didn’t even mention any progress on his plan to obtain guardianship of his nephew, so I guess that isn’t even on his mind right now. He seems very much focused on himself… Oh that’s a newsflash. So that also pissed me off.

Dating the older gentleman taught me somethings. He treats me wonderfully. Like really great and we haven’t even rubbed up on each other. I may end up with a new car if I drop that thang on him. LOL. Just kidding. But I even told him, hey it’s so nice to be treated so well. I really appreciate it. The older gent said, “You deserve much, much, much more.”

Well hot damn.

He’s right.

While my ex is trying to earn frequent flyer miles to hunt me down, or come to my state when he gets assigned to do so once again illuminates that I am not a priority.

Following the first weekend we spent together, he wanted to see me so bad, he was on his job that Friday after booking a ticket in the morning and boldly walking off his job (his boss was out) to catch a flight. He even said if his boss called in to check, he could have gotten fired.

So if you had the balls to do that off of our first meeting, and you actually asked me to marry you, you would have found a way to come see me if you really wanted to.

I deserve much, much, more. So with that, I really think I’m almost done. I still love this man, yes, but really. I’m tired.
One of my favorite grown woman artists. Tweet. This is a gorgeous song. I’m going to cry, because this is one of her not well known tracks and it’s so on point. Lord this woman is a beast.

Researching Benefits of Dating (Significantly) Older

Because I’m gingerly traveling down the path of dating an older gentleman, I’ve decided to research the topic online. I do that. I do that when I’m sick to make sure I’m not one infection away from a terrible death or possible amputation. I do it when deciding what kind of lipstick might look right on me, I do it when I want to know how to decorate my home or when I want to cook a certain meal. 

Hence, I do what I always do when I’m having an obsession of the moment. I google for more info.

Same thing about anything Hunger Games-related, or how to use rosemary in everything.

Image

Eddie Murphy (51) and Rosci Diaz (28) are the new celebrity May/December Couple du jour. Photo from Beverly News Source: USWeekly.com

I came across these blog posts and I liked them.

I would like to share.

These gems are from the Men Aren’t that Deep blog, which I’m following right away.

http://thetruthfulman.wordpress.com/2009/04/16/benefits-to-dating-an-older-guy/

This blog points out that older men really aren’t playing games and they move on if the situation isn’t working. The blog also mentions that they take their time and tend to be patient. I will agree with this. At this point, a guy my age would have cussed me out and I probably would have been summoned to join him on Judge Judy to pay him back for all of the wining and dining and getting nothing more in return than a hug.

The next is from thefrisky.com. They are giving out 11 reasons why older ain’t colder.

http://www.thefrisky.com/2009-11-12/11-reasons-dating-an-older-man-is-awesome/

I do not know anything about number one, but I am curious if it’s true.

The other examples on the list I’ve found to be actually on point.

Interesting…

A Taste of Gratitude

I’ve decided aside from sex, cooking for real is one of the best ways to tell a man, “thank you.”

Sometimes, I think they appreciate the cooking more, because you’ve gone out of your way to plan, prepare a meal and actually give them something to sustain their life and energy.

But the key to being successful at this is um, actually being able to cook.

Aside from having a great rack or a lovely bum, nice eyes or fabulous hair, I do believe that men like to brag about their woman being able to cook.

Women who can cook have a serious advantage over any woman any day. I’m sorry.

If you happen to be good-looking and can cook, ladies, I believe the world is yours.

I’ve mentioned in other posts how cooking makes me feel womanly, like I’ve finally entered true womandom when I set a meal before a man, any man, not even men I’m romantically involved with and they look just satisfied and happy eating my food. I feel that way if my dad eats my food, or even if my nephew gulps down my pancakes in approval (I just cut them for him wrong. Cut first then syrup. Got it.).

So let’s get to why I’m even bringing this up. The older gent who I’ve now gone out with at least six times over the last two or three weeks, did me a huge favor.

Night three of derecho, (which left millions without power in 100 degree heat) he offered up his place to crash when I sounded angry and frantic that all of the nearby hotels were booked solid.

He was an ultimate gentleman. He slept on the couch, I took his bed. We stayed up for a while watching television and adding commentary about what we were watching and I showered and slept. I neglected to share this info with anyone. I know. It’s silly, because it’s not like anything happened.

I decided for such a deed, and for not trying anything at all, even going as far as sitting on an opposite facing couch for television watching and offering up his home during my distress, and being such a good sport every time we say good night and all he gets is a hug…he shall be rewarded with a home-cooked dinner.

I will hold this dinner at my home.

Besides, I had so much fun with him Sunday night watching Hunger Games I don’t mind. He is really a good sport. Even when I taunted him about serving in Operation Desert Storm while I was in the third grade trying to master cursive, he handled it like a champ. Embarrassed, but a champ nonetheless. We keep trying to decide if I’m really mature or he’s really immature, he prefers the former. I do too.

He said he needed to scrub thoroughly and then seek therapy.

I had a good hearty laugh.

I’m still trying to figure out the menu.

I’m leaning towards doing something with shrimp and rice and vegetables.

I’ve been wavering back and forth about the kissing, hoping some perfect time would happen to take the pressure off.

One friend suggested I continue doing what I’m doing and when I’m ready, I’m ready.

Another said to just get it over with so you know whether or not you even like being kissed by this person.

I’m still not so sure.

The sad part is, if he were even ten years younger, I would have probably mounted him by now and he would have had full under over bra action. We would have been snuggled up on the couch, talking for hours a few times a week, alternating houses.

So the 17-year gap is still screwing with me. If I met a man my age who was exactly like him in every other regard, I’d probably be well on my way to love and potentially thinking, maybe I could almost almost get married again (ha ha).

His patience is so admirable. Oh, but the age. He has such a warm smile and I feel safe around him. Oh, but he dresses like he’s ready for the golf course all the time. When he’s around, it’s all about me… Oh, how agonizing.

He’s even said that he’s totally attracted to me, but when I was ready for whatever, I would be ready. He would wait. He also seemed to have an understanding that if this didn’t go anywhere, he would be fine with it too. I can’t recall how he said it at dinner last week, but the way he said it was such a relief to me.

I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to learn here. Give older men a fighting chance, or slow your ass down with the men closer to your age.

I honestly feel like I’m in an old school courtship. He pays all the time. Usually by the second date with men in my peer group, they are looking around waiting, hoping you’ll go ahead and offer. Or just sit there forever until you pick it up because frankly they just can’t do it, but won’t say so.

I know we’re in times where young men are still living at home and the economy is brutal, but I have to say, even when I offer, he says no.

I’m also cooking because all of this going out for meals and drinks is getting expensive. I’ve been doing calculations in my head.

My last ex wined and dined me a great deal, but actually broke down and said to me, “Baby, this is too expensive. We need to start cooking.”

But then cooking became our thing. We’d spend time together chopping up things, enjoying the smells, tasting things, talking about our day, brushing up against each other. It turned into part bonding, part foreplay, and we saved money!

So here I am folks. I’m getting back in the kitchen to express my thanks to this man for being so wonderful to me. Oh boy.

Prelude to a Kiss

Heather Ernest/Flickr

Hey folks,

It’s been a minute. I’ve been on my staycation, catching up on some rest, actually getting to see the Wendy Williams Show and watching as many Baby Daddy DNA trash shows as possible.

I hate the Baby Daddy DNA shows, but I love them just as much, and then I contemplate a career in medical billing and coding or becoming a culinary artist, because those commercials running non stop surely make it look good.

The thing about staycations is, you can do things like see a matinee in the middle of the day, get waxed, plucked and pummaced, and do whatever you please and the next day you can do it all over.

I actually didn’t realize how much I rush, until I was in the grocery store on Monday. It was like, slow down, you’ve no place to go and when you get home, you still aren’t going to finish writing your novel or clean. So. Just. Chill.

Being on a staycation also makes you realize how much working is a big part of your life and how you can’t stay in the house all day and watch T.V. because you will lose your mind. My heart goes out to unemployed people who feel the way I do. It has to be a very difficult thing.  So I totally appreciate having a job. I appreciate having a job and vacation time even more, because I sincerely needed a break and a recharge.

Back to the thought of this post.

As I mentioned previously, there is an older man in the mix with intentions to gain my affection. By older, I mean a good 15 years, as I stated before in another post.

To make myself feel better, I think that Carrie and Big (of Sex and the City, duh) had an age gap, but maybe the gap I have is more Natasha and Big and in the end it didn’t work.

Ok, I’m going to stop thinking about it.

But it’s not so much the age. I really don’t think about it when I’m with him. We have great conversations and a lot of fun.

He’s courteous and kind and a hard worker and has streaks of mischief. He’s also handsome. He becomes more handsome to me the more I see him and the more I like someone, the more attractive they become. I think he looks a good six years younger than what he really is.

So with all of this said, I was doing everything in the book at the end of the night to not kiss him.

I’ve had good, bad and downright ugly goodnight kisses.

I don’t think he’d be a bad kisser, but I can tell he’s into me and if I kiss him and like it, down the bunny hole we go.

Will this mean I’m officially ready to move on? Am I ready to build something with someone again?

I complained about being lonely.

Here he is. Gift horse. All up in his grillpiece with a flashlight…

In a twist of irony, my ex-fiance texted me during dinner with good news that he landed his dream job.

Now if you read deeper into this, you could say, oh. He got his dream job. He’s finally getting himself together. I mean isn’t that why your engagement dissolved, because he said he was afraid that he couldn’t be a good husband and he didn’t have it all together yet?

But I’m way past reading deeper into that text and hoping for a happy reunion. For that, I am proud and thankful. Six months ago, that may not have been the case.

I told a friend, there must have been a tingling in his testicles just when I laughed at my date’s joke or started flirting. Little sirens went off in his balls. “She’s about to forget about you! She’s about to forget about you. Really!”

So back to me.

At the end of the night, I did everything in the book. The long hugs, the burying my face in his chest, the patented head turn away from his face, the cheek brush.

But I couldn’t kiss him.

I love this new getting to know you, innocent phase before emotions and hormones get out of hand. I know it can’t last forever, but we are only on the second date anyway. Is it wrong for me to drag it out?

If I kissed him, I knew I’d see stars and fireworks. We got along too well for him to have clam mouth. I could see a slight hint of disappointment in his eyes, but being the respectful, charming man he is, he quickly shrugged it off and told me what a wonderful time he had, and that I gave the best hugs.

Besides. I was drunk. I broke the early dating rule. I didn’t eat enough, stupid, stupid. But we didn’t want to leave the restaurant and stop talking, so we figured we should order, just one more and drink it slow. I barely got through four sips and I knew I was done. I told him I’m so sorry for wasting the drink. Being the sweetheart he is, he simply said, well you only had that one crab cake and it’s great that you know when to just stop.

Awwww. He should be a politician.

I don’t think it’s fair to kiss someone for the first time when you are drunk.

I distinctly remember my first kisses from the men I loved the most and usually they just couldn’t take waiting on me anymore and they snatched me up and I was done.

One of my most favorite first (early in the relationship) kisses came from one of my shortest beaus (5″8). I was walking out of a restaurant with a friend to our car and he trailed behind us and just as I was going to hop in the car, he looped his finger in my belt, pulled me into him and went for it. Our first, first kiss we were in a club. And actually it was ladies night, in the south. Long Island Iced teas were a dollar, and all of a sudden he grabbed me on the dance floor and planted one on me so wonderful, I couldn’t hear the pulsating music around me. It was like being submerged under water and then splashing to the surface when it was over, trying to catch my breath. To this day, he will say, “I thought you were either going to slap me, or get with it. Either way, I knew I just had to go for it.”

Damn I’m a liar. My best kisses involve me being inebriated. LOL. Too funny.

I’m thinking of my other favorite first kiss. This one involved my ex-fiance and we were watching the holy grail of love movies for educated black people, “Love Jones.” He offered to get up and pour us another drink, started making his way to the kitchen, stopping instantly. He made and about-face, marched over to me, grabbed my face and laid one on me. “Love Jones” turned into “Meet the Adults of Charlie Brown.” Whomp, whomp, whaaa, whaaa, whaaa.

When I hugged that man last night, I swear, my right leg shot up like I was welcoming him home from war in an iconic photograph. Old school. I even caught myself and put it down. But it shot right back up like a reflex exam.

So my friends.

Am I a nut job? Am I not really over my ex? Do I have a right to be scared of actually liking this man? I need some help.

Something tells me I need to apply my staycation philosophy of not rushing and taking the long way, to my love life.  What’s that? Do I have a love life? Gee whiz!

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