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Grown Man Confidence

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve managed to see two amazing musicians, known for their persona of sex appeal almost as much as their mind-boggling musicianship and artistry.
I saw Prince two weeks ago, and saw D’Angelo last night.
Seeing these two amazing performers in the same month had to be Kismet, because there were a few things I peeped about them, that made me think about why people are so enamored and attracted to them. It also made me think about how most women are looking for similar elements in men. You don’t have to be a genius musician, but there are some basics that can be applied to anyone, to achieve real sex appeal and that intangible… attraction.
1. Confidence. So everyone says confident people are the ones who win at life. Being in the presence of confident people make us feel more at ease. Confident people seem to be in control and seem like they will be able to handle whatever is thrown at them.
I will say this about confidence. People say, oh, if you don’t have it fake it. But I say that’s putting a band-aid on a gaping hole in your flesh larger than a paper cut. Confidence develops over time, and is grown and cultivated and forged by failure and being embarrassed and bouncing back after being told no. Confidence develops when you do something someone said you couldn’t do, or when your version of good enough drowns out everyone else’s assessment.
2. Doing things you’re good at and pushing yourself to be even better. Nothing builds confidence more than doing things you’re good at. When people watch you do your thing (whatever that is) and you make it look effortless, watch people get drawn to you. They’ll want your opinion, they’ll want your approval. Watching D’Angelo and Prince perform made me want to pick up a guitar and sing. Now I’ve taken guitar lessons and it’s hard freaking work. I’ve played the drums for years, and it took practice not to suck. So people who have developed a level a mastery for what they do aren’t just sexy because of natural talent, they are sexy because they take it to the next level with hard work, dedication and discipline. There’s a certain devotion musicians have to their work, and trying to get better and experimenting with new sounds and being fluent in music and other artists. They are sponges, they have people they look up to, they study certain sounds or riffs over and over, and then they interpret it, weave it into their own sound to make something unique and new, rooted in the old. That’s levels of sexy.

3. Being yourself unapologetically. Prince and D’Angelo have taken some serious fashion risks. Sometimes they don’t come out with an album right away. Sometimes people don’t get their music. Some people may think certain songs are too sexual, or too political. R and B fans may not like the songs with a more rock edge, the rockers may not like the songs that sound more like R and B… but it doesn’t matter. These artists do what feels right to them, they wear what makes them feel good. Does it stand out? They pull it off because of confidence, but being yourself unapologetically and moving past all of the reactions, leads to the sexy confidence.

4. Inside out. Sexy grown men let the sexy radiate from the inside out. There are some men I know now that aren’t as thin or as muscular as they used to be, but a warm smile, an easy laugh, the sweat they build up from fixing something around the house or an auto repair, makes them irresistible. I’ve read articles that after the massive success of D’Angelo’s “Untitled (How Does It Feel?)” he struggled with body image and having to keep up that BODY that teased us in the video. Today’s D’Angelo is thicker, healthy looking and still making women swoon. He has a sly grin that seems like he’s about to lead you into some trouble and you are down for the ride. He had so much energy on the stage, there was joy on his face while he was working the crowd and receiving the love from the crowd. The man was in the moment. There have been times when I’ve observed men I love doing simple things, quietly, looking serene and self-satisfied. In those moments, they were sexy, and in those same moments when I catch them, I might offer them a hug or kiss without a word, because I appreciated seeing them in that moment. They’d wonder, “Oh, what’s that for?” and I’d just kiss them or hug them again and walk away.

5. Maturity. One of the greatest gifts of getting older and living is experience and maturity. Mature people can be confident without being arrogant. They can understand the power of confidence and how it may lead to influence, but they don’t abuse it. They don’t have to win every argument, but can firmly and passionately make a point that sticks with you well after the conversation is over. Mature and confident people don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Frankly, they don’t want to and they aren’t going to. Who they are and how they handle business and how they treat people in the face of adversity or in the pit of failure, in their mind, says what needs to be said. As far as they’re concerned you can take them or leave them, and it doesn’t change their life or who they are, they’re going to keep being who they are. I won’t say that nothing phases confident people, but criticisms, or suggestions don’t turn their world upside down, or represent an accurate reflection of who they are. When people know that, they hold on to their power instead of giving it away to every person with an opinion. They gather more strength to say no when they mean no and yes when they mean yes.

Do you know of any other qualities that make a grown man sexy?

Why I Don’t Like White Parties/Liberation Tour Recap

Welp, Labor Day is around the corner.

It signals the close of summer.

Old school fashion nazis say that one should not wear white after Labor Day, so I guess that’s why people love to have white parties that weekend.

I’m going to one where they say wearing all white is optional, so I may make some kind of spin on it.

I think white looks great before you leave the house and maybe as soon as you get someplace, but once you get to the summer party and start dancing, everyone looks even more disheveled as the night goes on.

The white linens stick to folks, you’re wrinkled, it’s easy to spill something on it, you’re always checking to see if you’ve spilled something on it. At the end of the night, everyone looks greasy.

Don’t even get me started on a white party I went to years ago, where I looked awesome. Even had a funky white hat that I wore.

Well, I ended up having a really great night, and NOTHING is grosser than doing the walk of shame in an all white outfit you partied and sweated out the previous night. I took two showers, back-to-back.

I already know I don’t want to wear a white dress. I hate white shoes, so that’s not going down.

I’ve already taken to pinterest for outfit ideas. I am in love with this. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0ZxSHkXY59Q/UABdpaMhbLI/AAAAAAAAvFQ/FqZ1u3-1W8A/s1600/4.+unknown+tumblr.jpg

I feel like ever since Diddy’s summer Hamptons party became on the radar of regular folks, party promoters and white linen enthusiasts have tried to recreate the original.

Also, I hate wearing all white to summer events, because it makes me think of all of those older couples who like to dress alike, often in white and usually the woman overdoes it and ends up looking crazy and uncomfortable with the heels and the accessories. I saw this over and over at the Mary J. Blige concert in Philly this weekend. BTW, it was awesomeness. She had folks going nuts. Awesome energy, I loved every minute.

I know why people love Mary so much. She gives everything. She is a massive superstar, but she gives everything when she performs and she just speaks to women. She speaks to us when we are down, she speaks to us when we are doing, “Just Fine.” There is something so honest about her, and when you see where she came from, her ups and downs and her battles, and you see how glamorous she is and what a major philanthropist and business woman she has become, NOW THAT’S EMPOWERMENT. She does not deviate from the formula. She sings to the heart, soul and pain of women, and she just does it right.

Nobody is doing it like her. D’Angelo never lost a beat, he is not is old cut up self from the untitled video, but he has such a sexy smile and his voice is gold. No one makes music like his. It was sexy, it was spiritual, the chanting, his pitch perfect screams (very Prince), it was part musical orgy/revival.

I also loved Melanie Fiona. Like my companion turned to me and said, wow, I didn’t realize how many hits she has. And he was right. Melanie has been slowly building. She’s a great performer and her voice was awesome too. Can’t wait to see her grow.

If anyone has any white party ideas, or do’s and don’ts, I really need some inspiration that will make me look fresh the whole night through.

This is really old, and not from the concert this weekend. But sample the greatness. Mary singing “No More Drama” is a revelation. I almost fought back tears. It’s ironic she’s wearing white! LOL. I was looking for the best quality in sound and such. Lucky day!

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