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Birds Of A Feather: Me and My Crew Of Non-Married Folk

I don’t know if it’s the economy, I don’t know if it’s because of what Essence Magazine says, or Tyler Perry movies say and show about black love and the lack thereof, or sociologists saying we just won’t get married, or we’ll get married a lot later than our white counterparts.

Well, let’s look at the stats. If you look at Facebook, a large majority of my white friends have taken a trip down the aisle and have a brood of kids.

Then, there are the black folk.

They had kids, but eh, a hand full of em are married, and may not necessarily be even married to the person they had kids with. I’m not saying white folks have it together and make the best marriages, because people of every color have issues, but I worry about my people. For real.

All of these single mothers, looking haggard and tired with no sign of help or support just irks me. It enrages me.

All of these single, black men who seemingly don’t want to settle down, they confuse me too. Especially the ones over 35. I’m baffled.

No scratch that.

I’m attracted to these men. This is my fatal flaw. Their timing just never dovetails with mine.

Maybe I have my own fears in terms of settling down too. Long distance queen, and ending a potential relationship with someone who was really into me. Ugh.

I got to change the prescription on my love glasses.

I guess I’m going on this tangent because I’m a product of a two-parent home and I love the love my parents share. That’s right, 40 years of marriage. They are gangsta. I’ve also been watching a lot of old Cosby episodes, and there’s a reason people of all races swoon the way Cliff and Clair even look at one another. There’s love there, there’s an acceptance of each other, and well, in most of the episodes, you can tell they get it in, and they still enjoy doing it. LOL.

Sometimes, I do wonder how women with kids manage to beat me to the altar, but you know what? They probably think my life is awesome and filled with freedom and opportunity, so I’m going to tend to my own grass and keep it moving. One of my girls reminded me, that the men they are marrying, I wouldn’t want. And that’s probably true.

Besides, I’ve come to the conclusion, that I’d really rather be alone than in a jacked-up marriage or in a relationship with someone who I’m settling for because they look good on paper or they adore me and I don’t feel the same. That message has been pounding me over the head for the last two years for sure.

But as I look around, I’m not alone. I have educated, awesome friends, male and female, who happen to be black and happen to be single. Some of them are in long-term relationships, some in those long-term relationships really love their partners. They may even be living together for substantial amounts of time where it seems like marriage is the next logical step. But they are being super cautious about it.

Not sure what the apprehension is for those folks. Watching these people together, it seems like they have it down. Even if they get on each other’s nerves, they still manage to keep on swimming.

Some of the live-in couples just say the timing isn’t right, or they are saving money. Fair enough.

Last year, one of my good friends got married, but other than that, all of my people are 30 and older and single as the day is long.

I keep wondering if all of a sudden, it’s going to catch like chicken pox in a day care and I’ll look up next year begging God to slow down the wedding frenzy so I can afford to attend them all, look good and give the folks a decent gift.

I’m not going to lie. Sometimes when I go to bed at night, I have to put on the radio real low to help me sleep. I feel the loneliness, my heart starts to speed up a bit. I breathe, pray, eventually calm down and drift off to sleep. But those pre-sleep moments, I do wonder if I’ll be alone for the next ten years or so.

I wonder if I’ll be like the successful, beautiful and highly-interesting single 40 and older women who for the life of me I can’t understand why no man has snatched them up.

Like is it that bad? Is it them?

Is that my future? Geez. I’m trying to work out and eat right to look awesome and age well, and I got to go on vacation alone or with my other single home girls?

I want the real thing, but do I really have to wait until my 40s now?

(I’m a jerk. I just let go of a great guy and I’m back to complaining about being single. Yes. I know.)

It may be that way. With this suckie economy, meeting a man living at home with his parents is not uncommon, meeting a man who hates his job– totally possible. Folks are trying to get it together, but they just can’t and it really isn’t their fault.

And I want a stable, financially secure, self-assured man. I just do.

So for now, I don’t feel as much pressure because I hardly have any friends in my close circle that are actually married either.

I’m sure it will get worse when my close, close homies start tying the knot. I want all my people to be happy, but I won’t front, the walls may start to close in, and it may get harder to sleep in my bed alone.  Not sure if my alarm clock radio can only do so much to distract me from my beating heart.

 

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