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Archive for the month “March, 2016”

What I Learned About Being Turned Down By a Black Unicorn

If you read the headline, you might be completely confused.
Spoiler Alert: I got turned down by a hot guy, intelligent, community-oriented one at that. But, I managed to learn something.

And you’ll all learn what a black unicorn is. Keep reading.

So, thing number one. You may meet a hot guy doing a favor for someone else. It’s like a little reward for being unselfish. I have a co-worker who was starting a side gig at a community center up the street from my place. The co-worker lives pretty far, but needed to pick up and sign some paper work. So he asked if I could pick it up and bring it to work.
No problem. I arrange to pick up the paper work after work yesterday and I walk into the center ask to speak to the director and here is this fit, chocolate man with a nice beard. As he’s looking for the papers, I am smart enough to notice he’s not wearing a ring. I’m playing it cool and thinking, “Damn, he’s fine and he’s out here working with the chiren. This guy is EXACTLY my type.”

But I was overwhelmed. I had no game, I felt like I wasn’t really quick on my feet, so I really didn’t say much. I asked questions to clarify what my co-worker needed to sign and that was it.


The chocolaty do-gooder asked if I was coming back to turn the papers in. It made me tingle. I mean, did he care if I brought it back? Did I put out some vibes? What’s up? Yaaaas. And I told him that I didn’t know.

He responded that basically it didn’t make any sense for my co-worker to make the trip and I agreed and told him most likely if I were to return, it would be around the same time the next day.

The next day is today. I told my co-worker I thought this man was fine and I was interested. My co-worker confirmed he wasn’t married and to go for it. He handed me back the filled out paperwork.

To be on the safe side, I called the director informing him I’d be returning and if he’d be in the office again. He said he wouldn’t and I could just leave the paperwork at the front desk. Not wanting to lose my nerve, I took a deep breath and said, “I hope I’m not too forward, but I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner. I’m actually a student in a Master of Public Health program and I’d like to know if you’ve ever worked with public health folks for some of your parks and rec programs.”

So he said he didn’t. And I mentioned that there’s a lot of great opportunities with it. Realizing I needed to get on with it, I said, “Well, I’m calling from my cell phone and if you’d like to talk sometime or go out, would you like to do that?”

“Well, actually I have a girlfriend.”
*Heart sinks.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Well I’ll hand those papers into the front desk later today. Thanks.”

So, I got rejected.
But it wasn’t that awful.
What did I learn?

I learned that you just have to jump in. If you get a tingly feeling and you want to talk to a guy and you get a first chance or even a second chance, you should just do it.

Would it have been wonderful if he did want to hang out or talk further? Hell yes.
But I’m ok and actually proud of myself for trying, instead of walking away wondering what could have been, and being mad at myself for not speaking up.

I mentioned this scenario to a friend and told her how anxious I was about asking him out. I described him and his background (that I stalked on LinkedIn), and she simply responded, “Go get your black unicorn.”

When I told her that the mission was abruptly aborted, she said, “Well, there was a reason I called him a unicorn.”

I had to laugh. Him being completely single was probably a stretch, but it was a great lesson for me to just go for it. There really is nothing to lose. And his rejection was civilized and his let down was direct and humane.

He might be a black unicorn after all.
Final lesson.
Black unicorns might exist.

Sasha Obama: An Ode to the Little Sisters With Big Presence


Sasha is serving face in attendance at her first state dinner. Image: Getty/Pool

Ok, it’s been a looong time since I’ve connected with the lifers. I’m sorry.

My life has been out of control in both positive and negative ways. I’ve been going hard at school, facing a lot of challenges and the stress from it all has messed with my health and caused me to shut it down for at least a day and a half this week.

But we’re going to push all of that aside to talk about someone who I connect with on so many levels it’s not even funny. I was so inspired, I had to come out of semi-blog hiatus to pay proper respect.

Natasha Obama is her government name, but she’s so real, her fam is so real, everyone knows her as Sasha. And you can’t get no more government than living at the White House, but folks ain’t gonna call her Natasha or Tasha. Nope. It’s Sasha, baby. So there’s already something kind of counter going on.

Miss Sasha has had swag since day one, and paved the way for the Riley Curries of the world to hijack the hearts of millions with one well-placed honest look or reaction to their famous dad, or even the public.

sasha early years gettyimages-51913478

Here’s Sasha looking at the camera as if to say, “I been on.” Circa 2005 Senate Swearing in ceremony. Riley Curry is new to this. Sasha Fierce is true to this.

The cool thing about Sasha is she knows yall are watching, and she doesn’t care. Sasha has to be the founding member and president of the Sidwell Friends chapter of the “No Fucks Club.” And I’m here for it.

Obama departs Washington

U.S. President Barack Obama and daughter Sasha (R), along with two of Sasha’s friends, board Air Force One as they depart Joint Base Andrews in Washington July 17, 2015. President Obama and Sasha are traveling to New York City to meet up with Obama’s other daughter Malia for some father-daughter time. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Here’s the thing though. There’s something magical about being the younger sister to a female sibling.

Me and my sister are 10 years apart. The gap between Sasha and her older and equally fabulous sister Malia isn’t as large, but how Sasha goes about this thing called life felt so familiar.

When you’re a younger sister, you spend time really admiring your older sister, but you aren’t blind to her flaws either. You know the personality traits that might be holding her back, and you’re frustrated about them because you think she’s amazing and while you’re working out who YOU are based on what you see in your mom and your older sister and other women figures in your life, you also become very clear on adapting the things you admire and avoiding the things that you may be critical of her about.

As a younger sister, you are, on some level in a mental competition with your sister and this competition is for you.

If your sister met certain benchmarks in high school, your teachers remind you of this, so you aspire to reach higher and basically break family records, you have a family name to uphold, but you also have to set yourself apart.

My sister was the first in our house hold to go to college. I was the first to go on a scholarship. My sister was an honor roll student, but I was an honor roll student taking advanced placement classes. My sister played basketball and was the captain of the cheerleading team.

I played basketball and volleyball. Cheerleading? Nah, son.

Younger sisters are known for being more outspoken, throwing more shade and generally being the hell-raisers who question parental authority, test and push boundaries and get off on going left when everyone else goes right. And while they may give their older sisters grief, little sisters are fiercely protective of their big sisters and will go to war if anyone messes with them. Little sisters will get ugly, down and dirty when big sisters try to keep the drama to a minimum. And to some extent it’s true.

Speaking of younger sisters getting down and throwing the hands if need be…Another famous younger sister sibling Solange Knowles is a fantastic example of a strong younger sister who can follow the beat of her own drum, have the room to speak her mind, try new things and be spared some of the level of scrutiny her superstar sis Beyonce would face if she took some of the same risks or even actually truly spoke her mind.

Beyonce gives a nod to this point in one of her songs “Flawless.” “My sister taught me I should speak my mind.”

Sometimes bad ass little sisters give older sisters the permission and the safe space to let loose a little, even if it’s between the both of them. And that’s a super power in itself, when older sisters who have characteristics of their own, might feel as if they have to be the more responsible and restrained one, especially in public (knowing their younger sister probably gives no damns at all).

As I see the Obama girls grow into gorgeous, confident, poised young women, as we saw last night in a few photos from their first state dinner, I couldn’t help but seriously see myself in Sasha, even though I don’t have the powerful parents or the bank account.

I saw a young woman who continues to carve out who she is in the shadow of parents and a sibling that basically define black American excellence, who is comfortable.

She’s human. Her face is expressive. You can tell when she’s bored, you can tell when she’s amused and you can see straight joy and animation when she’s got her head cocked back holding court with her friends and cousins. You see glimpses of the strength she gives her older sister from a shared photographed glance.



Shine on Sasha!! Let’s go little sisters!





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