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Archive for the month “May, 2015”

No New Clothes Challenge

There are reminders all over my house that I have a huge shopping addiction.

The “good” shopping bags, with sturdy handles, that I refuse to thow away.

The clothes hanging in the closet with tags still on them.

And the overflowing laundry baskets and “handwash” or “to the cleaners” piles are nothing more than monuments to my addiction.

So as a summer filled with traveling (the Bahamas next week, Caribana in Toronto and a family reunion in North Carolina in July), and some good concerts (D’Angelo anyone?) is rapidly, and I do mean rapidly approaching, it makes a girl like me get downright pavlovian when it’s time to decide I need a new outfit worthy of each individual event I attend. Let’s not even forget a wedding in September!!! The clothes, the shoes!!!!

I’ll admit a new clothing item makes me feel good. It’s like celebrating a moment. And why wouldn’t a person want to celebrate going on vacation? Who wouldn’t want to strut through the airport looking and feeling like their favorite celebrities and then being able to take great photos in said outfits to remind you of what a great time you had and how great you looked and felt?

But I’ve come to a serious revelation that my friends have been telling me for years.

I have a lot of clothes.

So I’ve been trying (emphasis on the word trying) to purge more regularly to get rid of older items I don’t wear anymore to continue to make room for the new items I’ve been bringing in. For any local friends, I’ve collected old handbags to give away!!!

As I’ve been starting to think about what I’m going to bring on my vacation next week, it occurred to me, I didn’t need to shop for anything. I already had plenty of items to overpack in my suitcase.

Breezy sundresses?

Check.

Fabulous dramatic sun hats?

Check.

Proper hand bags ranging from beach totes, to crossbodies, to backpacks for day excursions and clutches for partying at night.

Yup, yup, yup.

Sandals, sneakers, pumps and flats that will get me to my gate comfortably if I have to hustle?

Got it.

Swimsuits that I don’t mind strutting my stuff in? Oh yes. I have swimsuits for each day I’m there.

So after taking inventory, and trying on and selecting clothes that I felt my very best in, I realized, I really didn’t have any pre-vacation shopping to do. That the only thing I really needed was an awesome, sturdy, strapless bra.

In my room standing over piles of clothes I gave myself a challenge. Don’t buy any new clothes for this trip. Wear what you already have. Go to the bottom of your laundry piles and wash clothes you completely forgot about. You have no legitimate excuse to shop for anymore clothes. The perfect outfit for any vacation scenario you can think of is already in your closet.

Rather than going to pinterest to gain ideas of what to buy for your trip, go there to compare what you like to what you’ve already got and work the hell out of it.

After all, you bought it because you liked it, didn’t you?

Besides, the money I’ll save from not buying new clothes can be used towards having an unforgettable experience while I’m on vacation. And you can’t hang that in a closet!

Do you buy new clothes every time you travel?

Good Friends Remind You of How Super You Are When You Forget

There are times I take on a lot.

I get frustrated and overwhelmed and I may huff and puff during the process, but things seem to work out.

Recently, I had about three friends suck their teeth at me when I started doubting myself. A beloved professor and mentor of mine was retiring from the university, so as a joke I told a friend I’d design a funny tee-shirt in his honor. (Some of you lifers remember when I was heavy on my t-shirt business and kind of gave up on it.)

My friend loved the idea and then I shared it with a few others and they all wanted shirts in time for the retirement celebration. I told my friends the money we’d collect from our shirts would go toward a scholarship fund being created in our professor’s honor. Everyone thought it was a fantastic idea.

My friend reminded me that just as they loved the idea, other people at the party were going to love it too, and to be prepared for an onslaught of orders. Another friend who was so tickled by the idea offered to build me a webstore prior to the event.

But the idea of my shirt being such a success scared the crap out of me.

How would I organize this? How would I handle the orders? Would people be willing to pay the price? How would I ship it? Is it the right quality? Is it good enough?

The thought of the business management side of it paralyzed me.

So I said, I’d just buy a couple extra shirts on top of the ones I promised to a few friends attending and would see how things went.

My friends were right.

As soon as we hit the building, people wanted shirts. We sold every single “extra” shirt (and by extra I only had three extra because I was worried about putting out so much money for extra shirts out of my own pocket because I told my friends all of their money would go to the scholarship. I was willing to take the financial hit.)

The man of the hour put on his free shirt immediately! (If that’s not affirmation, I don’t know what is.)

Illustrious alumni with highly impressive careers sought me out and quipped that they could afford a $20 shirt, so gimme!

I felt silly and embarrased and unprepared by only having such a scant amount of merchandise in a place with such enthusiastic demand.

So immediately, my website builder friend made me, in the middle of the party buy a domain name, via a smart phone and my other friends offered to help me pack and ship orders and work on a Facebook page. Then they all got together and said, “I told you so.” Even named themselves the, “I told you so crew” and did an “I told you so” dance.

I mentioned this situation to another friend completely unrelated to the ones at the party and when I told her how things went and how scared I was to really promote the shirts, she gave me the “you idiot” glare, then she offered to assist me too.

Photos of the shirts from the party circulating on Facebook have total strangers asking about them in the comments and saying things like, “Take my money!” “Want one!” “Need one!”

I got business cards and slips of paper with phone numbers and email addresses of people who wanted to know when more shirts were being made.

I was overwhelmed. But in a positive way.

I say all of this to say, it pays to have friends who believe in you when you’re scared. It’s downright funny when they get annoyed that you aren’t seeing what they see in you too. What’s the best about these kinds of friends is, they don’t just believe in your dream and say you can do it, they’ll give you a push and offer up their time, skills and talents and even money to invest in you so you can feel even more confident and less alone in the process.

The original friend who I shared the idea with me told me that it was bothersome that somewhere along the way I lost my confidence. That the old me would have not been so fearful about making the shirts and selling them.

And she was right. I’m not sure exactly of what happened or why. And maybe all of that doesn’t matter.

I’m just glad to know that I have amazing people in my life who will remind me, and force me if necessary to get it back and fly.

Thank you!!!

I Want to Scoop Ice Cream in the Caribbean Too!

I have been really intrigued by a woman who has been on the news and all over social media for quitting a 90k salary job in New York City, and leaving it all behind to work in an ice cream shop in the Caribbean.
If you’ve ever been to the Caribbean, you will wonder why you are killing yourself in the rat race of everyday life and be tempted to do the same. But you start talking yourself out of it.
You say, that kind of life isn’t for me.
I’ll be far away from family and friends, and airline tickets don’t come cheap.
I’ll miss the mall and all of my favorite places to eat and shop.
People in the Caribbean move too slow, it would eventually drive me crazy.
What would I do? Almost everyone is in the hospitality industry!
I visited the Cayman Islands last year with my cousin and best friend. My best friend is a nurse, and our tour guide happily took detours to show hospitals and new health centers to recruit and lure my friend to work there, because they are always looking for medical professionals.
I half-jokingly asked if she wouldn’t mind driving by the local newspaper, didn’t they need another writer or editor???
My best friend was actually considering it. Who wouldn’t?
I’m jealous of that woman, but not for the obvious reasons. I’m jealous because she had the guts to do what most of us joke and say we’ll do, but never do because of fear.
That woman went out and got exactly what she wanted and she’s happier. She took a risk. She did something outside of what most people would consider the norm. Through a very limited lens, people believe being 31 with a $95,000 salary is having it all. As she explains, in her article, in NYC, that’s a base salary to live a comfortable existence. And I’ve even said, I would never move to NYC for a job for less than $90k. It’s a complete waste and I’d be totally stressed just trying to simply live.

It’s another message to me that success isn’t measured in money, and happiness surely isn’t either. And while we are always concentrating on negotiating for more money, we neglect to negotiate for our happiness. We put hard lines on how much we expect to earn according to our skills and talents, but we don’t tell potential employers, or lovers or ourselves, what our non-negotiables are for our peace of mind and our joy. We don’t ever really take the time to sit around thinking about what truly makes us happy and how to incorporate that into our lives without feeling guilty about it. Why do we equate happiness with friviolity or even selfishness? Happiness is the first thing to go last on the list for some reason, meanwhile the things that make us happy can make us mentally and physically healthier and it should be a much higher priority.
Most of us are working ourselves to death in thankless jobs, for companies who will replace us if we choose to leave or up and die. They just do. A friend of mine told me about a colleague who just dropped dead while working out. This man was in his 40s, and the company wasted no time in finding his replacement shortly after his memorial service. So, companies have goals and priorities and bottom lines, and so should we. Even Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital has to start looking for a new neurosurgeon, post McDreamy… booo.
Stretching ourselves to make it to each weekend or even better, a 3-day holiday weekend is a sad existence.
I think about how hard my parents worked, and how my dad is in his 60s and isn’t even thinking about retiring. He likes working, but he doesn’t feel financially secure enough to stop because well he helped put me and my sister through college, as well as paid for medical bills for my mom.
While I can appreciate the work ethic that was handed down to me, I am not a fan of generational work yourself in the groundness that got passed to me too.
This is why I’m very thankful for the opportunities I’ve had in recent years to take what I call “Real Vacations.”
We’re drowned out by the sounds of our bills and things we believe we have to do first, before we can experience… well life. And I’m sick of it.
Maybe I can’t run off to the Caribbean… well I could, it’s just really scary. But, it’s time to take control of the pleasure in my life in smaller ways.
Allow yourself the time to do things you like to do, and take in the beauty of where you live.
I’ve been making more frequent spa trips. I like visiting local parks and botanical gardens, I’d like to check out some of Maryland and Virginia’s wineries. I want to visit some of the beaches in Delaware and North Carolina. I’ve been looking at bed and breakfasts online.
I’m not saying go out and make huge life changes on a whim. This woman did her research, she asked people questions about what kind of transition this would be and then she was realistic about how her life was going to change. Then she went for it.

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