Hitting a wall? Gotta Switch It Up.
This weekend was a success. Here’s why. I did a lot of things I wanted to do, which included just spending time with folks and not studying. I participated in a great book discussion with former co workers who couldn’t have been more diverse and it was a breath of fresh air. I got to see women who I’d worked with for 7 years in a very different light. They were vibrant and open and absolutely delightful. To experience them in a more relaxed element was so wonderful. My guess is they probably got to see another side of me too.
Because I was killing a slew of birds with a single stone, I also managed to catch up with some other friends who lived nearby in the area I was in for the book club and so it turned into a shopping party after we had lunch. Then that turned to fro yo, and a mini makeover to help me get ready for a much-needed night of dancing in DC.
When I say I can’t remember the last time I got down and dirty, sweating all over my entire body, sore feet and all, I really can’t remember dancing so hard. And most of the time I didn’t even have a partner and it didn’t even matter. This party was spinning tunes from Hip hop and R and B from the 90s and the whole crowd lost their minds. It was wonderful. One guy I was dancing with was absolutely delightful, I had no problem grinding, hugging on and flirting with this guy because I needed a release. I rubbed his bald head, I sang words to saucy songs and I just let my body move however it did. And he was with it. He kept telling me I was trouble, and I playfully denied it.
We did exchange business cards, as people do in DC, so hey, who knows? Maybe we’ll stay in touch. But I won’t stress over it.
I sent a text to a friend the next day saying, “Sometimes you just need to get all sweaty and grind in a dark club with a stranger.”
I’m not sure if the pressures of working full-time and school have made me more open to just being in a moment, but even when I went out of town to visit a homegirl, I wound up kissing a stranger in the club parking lot. I was scared that I was regressing, and then realized, I’m a grown woman. I wasn’t having sex with these people, but at the moment, they were giving me something I absolutely needed. And to kiss them back, to flirt and shake my butt to touch them was my show of gratitude for sharing a moment with me, where neither one of us expected nothing in return and would have been perfectly fine walking away with the memory and mystery of that person.
So, I’m embracing these moments that only single, grown women can have. If I want to kiss a guy and I feel safe enough to do so, I will. If I want to dance a little sexy, if i buy a freak um dress or wear a new shade of lipstick, I can. And I will.
When your time is limited or it seems it’s always accounted for the moments that you have complete control over, you find yourself giving into indulgences to feel alive, and feel as if you are breaking free from the routine. I think it’s ok. I think we’re allowed from time to time.
There are days I wish I had the guts and the lack of bills and responsibilities that would allow me to just do school full time. I really like my new job, so I wouldn’t want to quit. But I have noticed when I can study at a much slower pace on the weekend, I retain the information better. I’m not just going through the motions to fulfill a requirement which is how I feel mid week.
It was nice to study at the park today and then take a nice walk around the lake. It actually reenergized me.
The concept of balance has been weighing heavily on my mind these days. Mind, body and soul. I’ve been needing it and craving it. And this weekend taught me that studying all weekend wasn’t going to get it. That I still needed fun and other stimulation and variety and human interaction, and a handsome man picking me up like a Magic Mike extra while Ginuwine’s Pony pulsates through a sweltering DC night club.
I feel much better off of that memory. I’ll stop being so scared of what Monday brings… and will take my butt to bed.