A very long time ago I wrote a post about the power of writing things down.
This blog, in itself has been therapy for me, it’s been a motivator and it’s held me accountable. You folks who take the time to read it and offer comments and encouragement have also helped me along the way.
As I’m cleaning out my desk at work, and my final week at my job is coming to a close, I found a memo pad. Of course I found memo pads, I’m a journalist. We have way too many.
But as I looked in the pad, I found that I wrote a lot of random thoughts, tee-shirt designs, scriptures and drawings or simple things on my mind along with work stuff and research and reminders.
I’m going to share with you one series of thoughts I wrote down and I wrote down the date too, but not the year, after digging through the rest of my notebook, I may have written this in March of 2013.
I want to be happy.
I do not want to be upset or miserable.
I do not want to push people away.
I do want to take risks.
I do want to trust my feelings/gut.
I want a new job.
I either want to buy a house or rent a great place I love.
I want to travel.
I don’t want to be uncertain.
I want to be loved.
I want someone to understand me.
I don’t want to complicate things.
I want to be courted.
I want to feel secure.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be in shape.
So, this morning, I smiled at the person who wrote those desires and next to each point, I wrote back.
I want to be happy. I feel pretty good. June 18, 2014.
I do not want to be upset or miserable. I’m not!
I do not want to push people away. I feel even closer to my family and friends and God. No man though. LOL
I do want to take risks. I held a stingray two weeks ago. I went snorkeling in the ocean. THE OCEAN! I’m leaving my job after 7 years. I’m currently in grad school. No scholarships this time baby. LOAN.
I want a new job. I repeat. I’m leaving my job this week, after 7 years for a new, amazing opportunity. And girl, we about to get paid… and girl we about to craft national/global messages on mental health. Ya heard me?
I either want to buy a house or rent a great place I love. My place is cool just the way it is and it suits me for this period in my life. The rent to damn high though, but I bet you’ll be outta there in the next two to three years. Bet.
I want to travel. Boo, we’ve been to Curacao, Durham, the Cayman Islands, and Kansas City in the last nine months. International twice! You were just in the Caymans two weeks ago and Kansas City three days ago. Holla.
I don’t want to be uncertain. That’s going to happen sometimes. Know God will keep you in the safe space so you can get it together.
I want to be loved. Girl bye. Bye Felicia. You on some self-pity type stuff right now. God loves us, the fam loves us, we got us some great friends. And we are getting a hang of this loving ourselves thing more and more. You’ll be aight, pumpkin.
I want someone to understand me. We are of the aquarius kind. We are aloof and mysterious and always thinking high, lofty, deep, far-reaching thoughts. Folks don’t have to understand you all the time, but they should respect you, they should listen to you when you speak. They don’t have to understand you all the time, just stand in your truth daily. That’s it. That needs to be enough for you. Do everything from a place of truth, do everything from your heart. Don’t do stuff that doesn’t feel right to please other people. You have a right to opt out.
I don’t want to complicate things. Then don’t. We are way too busy right now for extracurricular foolishness. But do remember closed mouths don’t get fed. Your definition of complicated ain’t like everyone else’s. There are times you over use your right to remain silent. Speaking up for yourself may rock the boat or complicate things, but sometimes you have to do it. Don’t be afraid of that. If you do things from your heart, if you take care of yourself without belittling or tearing down others, that is not making things more complicated.
I want to be courted. I concur. You ain’t never lie.
I want to feel secure. Nothing wrong with that either.
I want to be healthy. We’re doing okay in that department, but we need to work out wayy more, more sleep and a better diet.
I want to be in shape. We still want that, but we seriously got to get it together. We’re traveling now, but we were way too winded running to catch that flight last week. Just saying.