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Should Your Man Have a Say In What You Wear?

This blog is called 29 to life. So when I write about certain things, I write from the perspective of a grown woman who understands compromise in relationships and values it.

Recently, I saw a bunch of bloggers or people on Twitter with various opinions about Rapper/Actor T.I.’s reaction to his WIFE’S let me emphasize WIFE’s sexy Instagram photos.

And he said the following on social media:

“You have so much more going for u other than you a**. Although it is magnificent, I think u should spend just as much time showcasing those other things as u do ya #booty…Awesome pic tho. Luv.” – See more at: http://madamenoire.com/346855/t-checks-wife-tiny-showing-much-skin-instagram/#sthash.S5n4IXYA.dpuf
A lot of the websites are saying he “checked” her or put her in her place.
So of course all of the “independent women” chimed in about Tiny flaunting her assets.
I see it from two sides of the coin. I see it from Tip’s point.
That’s his wife. The mother of his children and most men want you to be appealing and attractive and they feel good about having a good-looking woman, but they don’t want your goodies all over the net. And they don’t want you to pose in ways that are suggestive in your photos.
I agree with this.
On the flip side, as a woman who is now into her 30s, I can see why Tiny is posting the photos. Tiny has like five kids.
It looks like she’s lost some weight and she’s probably very proud of herself and her body and is feeling really sexy.
I’ve already told folks, even if I lose 15 pounds, you can’t tell me nothing. I’m going to be feeling myself. And when you get older and have kids, you have to work extremely hard for your body.
But the best thing about getting older is if you are lucky and you’ve learned something, you really start knowing who you are in the inside and feeling good about that person. So when your outside is looking right, grown women can’t be stopped. So, I also understand where Tiny may be coming from too, wanting to show off a little bit.
I’m more on the modest side and I do think with age you can keep it sexy, but the more simple and subtle you keep it the more appealing you are. Times have changed. Women in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s (hey Michelle Obama!) are looking fabulous, taking care of themselves and wearing great flattering clothes.
We aren’t going off into that dark night with a whimper. And I love this.
But within the confines of a committed relationship, does the husband/boyfriend have a right to express his dislike for how a woman dresses or conducts herself on social media? I do like the fact that he didn’t tear her down, he did say it was an “awesome” pic. So he wasn’t out there just being a hater.
Some people have argued that should have been a private discussion. But I’m glad T. I. did it, because it opens up dialogue about how far should people in relationships go with semi racy photos online.
But there’s also a third leg to this chair. Women like Beyonce and Gabrielle Union are in committed relationships. But they have a different body type than Tiny. I think Tiny looks great, for the record. She would be considered thick in my opinion (and my scale of thickness is a sliding scale, I also think Jill Scott and Marsha Ambrosius are thick. I consider myself thick too). There’s a part of me that wonders if when women like Bey or Gabrielle wear bikinis or revealing outfits, their bodies are more accepted? I wonder if T.I. would be less critical if Tiny looked more like the chicks in the Blurred Lines video, or if his reaction would be the same…
What say you lifers?

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9 thoughts on “Should Your Man Have a Say In What You Wear?

  1. Ebony Rose on said:

    I don’t believe a man should tell a woman what to wear, however, I understand him not wanting his S/O to wear uber revealing clothes. I’m slightly modest, like yourself. I believe I can look sexy and show my weight loss, etc whithout being naked.

    I do think their is a double standard. Soceity thinks it is perfectly ok for the Beyonces, Gabbys, etc of the world to wear revealing clothes, but not think women.

    • Exactly. I think it is appropriate for a man to speak up about his woman to his woman but he needs to be really tactful and choose his words carefully.  I actually have a new post in mind about if your partner has the right to criticize your weight. There is a new web series called love handles and it made me think about my ex and his weight loss and the pressure he put on me because he did it. 

      Sent from my Galaxy S®III

      • Ebony Rose on said:

        Yes, tactful is important. I think T.I. was very tactful in his response.

        I have to check out this new web series!

  2. I actually agree with TI – even as a self proclaimed fashionista who hates when ANYONE tells her what she can and can’t wear. It is my prerogative to dress how I want as a single woman (and deal with whatever type of attraction that may garner). But, the Bible clearly tells wives to respect their husbands (among a bunch of other things) and I think one way we do that is in the way that we dress and carry ourselves. In the same way that I find I disrespectful to his marriage when TI has nekkid woman parading around in his videos, I find a certain level of disrespect in her posting über sexy pics for the world to see. I’m not encouraging my man to pick out my outfits every morning (that would be grounds for divorce!) but, if he felt like what I was wearing was disrespectful to our covenant before God, I’d want him to say something.
    Now, as far as Beyoncé wearing stuff – I agree it’s a double standard and another blog post for another day. But, maybe, Jay should make a stand for his marriage and suggest his wife save the La Perla for the bedroom and not the Grammys stage.
    There is a much larger cultural conversation to be had here. But like you, I’m glad TI said something because it starts the dialogue.
    Whewww – that was a lot. Thanks for listening to my 2 cents plus 10!

    • Well said, Erika! Well said. And I appreciate all of the cents. I have a blog in my spirit right now and I’m so glad you mentioned the Bible and God, which brings me back to the center of my purpose and the kind of man that needs to be in my life. I had the most disappointing conversation with a good looking, successful man I was totally feeling. He said a few things last night that gave me the ultimate record scratch and I’m not sure if he’s going to recover. And I’m hurt that this man cannot be what I wanted. So hurt. I didn’t even blog about him because I didn’t want to jinx it. But it’s all about to come out now!! LOL

  3. 1) Society most definitely has a double standard with this when it comes to body size.

    2)Besides body size, when comparing Beyonce and Tiny showing off their bodies and how their significant others deal with it, I also think of their husbands’ brands. A lot of Jay-Z’s music focuses on him having “the baddest chick in the game”; therefore, of course he would want Beyonce to flaunt it because it is a part of his branding. Then we have T.I. who I believe has tried to become more mature as a man and in his brand over the years. He wants to be taken more seriously as an actor, an entrepreneur and as a family man. Therefore, he probably doesn’t want his wife showing off as much because he’s trying to be taken more seriously and she is a reflection of him.

    • T. Mack! You are brilliant as usual. That’s a very good way of breaking it down. I was going in that direction but burned out before I could say it as perfectly as you did. True that.

  4. Interesting discussion. My initial reaction to it was “whoa, he could have said that to her privately.” But then I thought about it some more and checked myself — “well she didn’t put the picture up privately, so then why does he have to say something to her privately about it?” I don’t know. I definitely think it’s a fine line. I certainly wouldn’t want my husband calling me out in front of our friends if he thought what I was wearing was inappropriate, but I would also hope/expect that we would have already had a discussion about those kinds of things within our home prior to me walking out of the house. And I wouldn’t want to represent our home in a way that made him uncomfortable, just as I would expect the same from him.

    Ultimately, I do think a wife and a husband are held to a higher standard for a reason. But I also think certain standards are dependent on your particular marriage. Basically, you gotta know your husband and your wife. In Jay Z’s household, it’s deemed appropriate for Beyonce’ to dress the way that she does in public. But in TI’s, it’s not. My guess is that both women know those facts better than the rest of us do, but that there’s other dynamics going on in the Harris household that are in play here.

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