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Treat Me Like A Lady

I wrote a post awhile back about vulnerability being one of the greatest gifts of womanhood. We make it look beautiful and through our example, we can create an atmosphere for others to do the same when in our presence. It’s something that should be applauded and celebrated.

But let us talk about reality.

Within the confines of romantic relationships, we can only be as vulnerable as we are trusting of the person we lay our burden down to.

Go ahead, retweet that.

So what does that mean?

Our romantic partners have to earn our trust. Our romantic partners have to show us stability and loyalty and discretion. Can they keep our secrets? Are they quick-tempered? Are they judgemental? Do they make us feel absolutely comfortable? Can we be ourselves around them? Can we be our silliest self? The nerd? The freakiest freak? Are our partners open and honest? Are they judicious with their words? Are they being genuine? Do they think about how they respond and react to us? Do they anticipate our reactions because they truly know who we are? Our thoughts? When we are being irrational? When we need support?

I come from a long line of very strong-willed, fiercely independent and free-spirited women. I surround myself with friends who come from the same ilk.

I have friends who have endured physical and emotional abuse, death of dear loved ones, great loss. We (I’m including myself) have battled depression, we’ve questioned ourselves, we sometimes didn’t like what we looked at in the mirror.

We’ve had very, very horrible days and equally horrible thoughts. Thoughts that brilliant, beautiful, smart, talented women are told that we shouldn’t have.  We’ve contributed to the caricatures painted of us as superwomen, because we don’t want people to know that underneath the great clothes, the pretty hair, the degrees and success, that we cry alone non-stop til our heads are throbbing with pain, we worry about our futures, we get scared and shame ourselves for even feeling this way– as natural and human is it is. We’ve convinced ourselves that sucking it up is the best way and that we have to do it alone, because no one else will do it right, or even understand us.

But we’re wrong. We aren’t using the grand gift of vulnerability. And smart, independent women are always supposed to use our gifts.

It’s crazy to think this way. But when I think of having a man enter my life, I am a realist. He does have his hands full.

As tough as I think I am, I am equally fragile. I’m more fragile. I’m made up of so many things– my flaws, my strengths, my fears, my accomplishments, my grit, my wit. It will take a special kind of person to look at my messy self and see the mess, and see the beauty still shining through.

I told a friend today that the essence of what I want in a man is this: Someone who makes me feel like a lady.

I think there is a distinction. I’m a woman. Every damn day. I’m doing what I gotta do, I’m working, I’m paying bills, I serve as support to my family and friends and co-workers and I take these things on gladly.

But when I’m a lady, my main purpose is to be light and fabulous and sexy and mysterious. When my man allows me to be a lady, he figures out the details. I just show up and I’m a stunner. I am on his arm, without a care and he handles the rest and I’m confident that he handles it. I won’t micromanage, I won’t emasculate. I won’t even reach for my purse. He takes care of me, he dotes on me and he is in awe of me.

I want a man I can chop it up with like the homies, I want to be madly in love and feel passion. I want to share my thoughts and fears and dreams with no reservation. And I want him to make me feel like old Hollywood. Like silk. Like Chanel number 5, like pearls and pill box hats, and mink stoles and red lipstick and stockings with back seams. He MUST make me feel like a lady. And as a modern woman, there is nothing wrong with being strong and independent and wanting that too. I don’t want to make all of the decisions. I don’t want us to assign gender roles to how we express our feelings. You’re acting like the man! You’re acting like the woman!

We react to things, the way that we do because of so many factors. Because of how we were raised, because of whatever life has done to us along the way. We are simply acting and reacting like ourselves. If a man cries, and shares how he is feeling, he is not acting like a woman. If a woman cusses, or if she won’t cry, she is not acting like a man. People are acting and reacting in ways that are most natural to who they are.

If a person earns your love and your trust. Be vulnerable. Take it to the next level. Push back the fear, and give them a shot to love you more deeply. It’s a risk and that person has to deserve it. But if they’ve proven themselves. Do it.

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4 thoughts on “Treat Me Like A Lady

  1. dbaham on said:

    Yes ma’am!! I needed to read this right now… because whew, being vulnerable is so damn scary when you’re used to trying to be superwoman all the damn time, right?! But you’re absolutely right — when you meet someone who earns your trust, you have to be willing to push back that fear and take off that superwoman cape. The key is making sure it’s with the right one LOL

  2. One of the best things I’ve read recently

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