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Monday Morning Confessions

It’s not a juicy as you think.

But here we go. There’s loads on my mind.

I’m still reeling from the reunion I had with my ex last weekend, and noticing his increasing reluctance to have the post weekend “talk” about our feelings and where we are with everything.

He’s dragging his feet.

Confession. So am I. I’m not sure how any of this is supposed to work out. No matter what road is taken, I feel like it’s going to be an emotional challenge that I’m not quite prepared for.

I still don’t regret the weekend or how it went or what happened. I feel like it was necessary for us to either move on with or without each other going forward.

The second thing I’m struggling with is I took out my fabulous braids. Well it was time. But I kind of realized that being a natural hair girl, having those long braids and minimal upkeep gave me a lot of time to sleep in longer and it gave me a real confidence boost. I really liked how I looked in them and now, I’m kind of having to readjust to my own hair.

I’m even thinking what used to be the unthinkable… getting a weave.

Taking the braids out and having to face my own thick, tightly coiled hair again, reminded me of the daily work I had to do to affirm myself and my own beauty. Sometimes, I really dig the fluff. It makes me seem artsy and confident in my own skin, but I had no idea that taking the braids out was going to have such a psychological effect on me. As I stood in my bathroom mirror trying to decide if I felt like sitting under my dryer for an hour, or just slapping gel in it to make a bun, I suddenly felt overwhelmed, tired and unpretty.

I can’t go to work like this by Monday…

No, my hair wasn’t straight in the braids, but it was long. And easy.

I was getting more attention from men. And, super big confession, I was actually happy my ex got to see me in all of my Poetic Justice glory and not with my fro. He doesn’t like natural hair and has said so in the past and said it’s difficult to imagine me with it. So I felt like when he saw me, I was at my best. I had enough to worry about and thank God it wasn’t my hair.

So has this reunion made me shrink back into an insecure person wanting validation?

Has the ending of my braid hairstyle made me regress back to the days of wanting my hair to flow in the wind?

Not necessarily. But it all has been making me think about the way I see myself. First of all, some might say, if the braids make you feel good, then just keep redoing them. That was a thought that crossed my mind. I mean what is 7 hours every other month?

Then I thought about going to the Dominican salons and getting blow outs from time to time.

Then I thought about the weave.

Really not sure what to do next about all of these feelings surrounding my hair, or my ex.

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4 thoughts on “Monday Morning Confessions

  1. Ebony Rose on said:

    Hey Blog Bestie!!!! Sorry to hear you have a lot on your mind. I’ve been in both situations.

    My BFF and I broke up in April, but there were TONS of unresolved issues so we decided we would have dinner and talk. About a month later, we talked and had a good time. We were able to articulate how we felt, what went wrong, etc. But we never decided what to do with that knowledge. Neither of us have broched the topic, but I really want too. I’m dragging my feet and he is as well. My suggestion is to write your thoughts down, sa it still maybe too fresh for both of you to discuss. Give it another week and then bring it up. Until that conversation happens, there is no closure.

    As far as your hair, I wear a weave, but I am natural. I got my weave bc I was tired of wearing natural twists/braids. I wanted something straight and required little manipulation on my part. I’ve realized maintaining a weave is just like maintaining my real hair. How about trying some twisted/braided updo sytles. They last about a month and are super cute. As soon as my edges grow back, I’m getting an updo!

    • Welp. It is what it is. I’ll give it a little time and try not to think about it.

      As for my hair, those are some good suggestions. I’ll go back to my tried and true for now that I know I’m satisfied with when I leave my house. Lol.

  2. I struggle with the hair issue every time I take out my braids. I wear them all summer (even when I wasn’t natural). The braids are long and swing. They make you feel confident and sexy. The attention from men is different. (I always wonder are they attracted to the confidence or am I sexier with braids).

    When I take the braids out and immediately regret it. Hair takes so much time! Then I get a blow out and feel slightly better. I am working on wearing more “natural” styles. The best part about our hair is that we can do anything we want to it! It is amazing.

    • Thank you girl, I was wondering if it was me about the braids thing. I just felt like I was always pulled together if I dressed up or put on a tee shirt and jeans.

      It was just so weird to take them out and look in the mirror at myself and feel some kind of way. Hair does take a lot of time and I do appreciate the fact that I have options. But your comments at least make me feel like the braid separation anxiety is normal!! 🙂

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