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Why ‘Good Girls’ Are Pissed Amber Rose Got Married

I’ve seen Twitter go ablaze today with the news that stripper, turned video chick, professional jump off to the stars, Amber Rose married her man and child’s father Wiz Kalifa.

The romance was already put under a lot of scrutiny because Amber Rose was Kayne West’s girlfriend, and even then folks were mad at that, saying a woman like her didn’t deserve a man like him. Honestly, I respect Amber Rose’s hustle way more than Kim Kardashian’s… but that’s a whole other blog.

One blogger who I like, tweeted that he wanted to know why so many women were taking it so seriously and were up in arms that Wiz and Amber jumped the broom.

It’s pretty easy.

Women are catty and mean, but it shakes our world like nothing else when it looks like the women we look down on and consider to be loose hoes get married and have families. She poses nude for magazines, I’ve never seen her completely covered up. She owns her sexuality and she puts it out there without any abandon.

There’s a whole lot of resentment and then the rants begin.

“But I got my education, I kept my legs closed. I work everyday. I respect myself. I have four degrees. I own my own business.”

Good for you.

I know I’ve verbally torn down women who I called hoes in college and high school and marveled at how they could be blissfully married or engaged and it seems like I can’t keep a man.

Particularly successful, educated women feel like we should have dibs on the best men. We have a sick sense of entitlement and a laundry list of what we think the man should be, even if we can cook and we can get just as dirty in the bed.

I think there is a resentment because you can argue both sides of the coin. Are women like Amber Rose sexually liberated? And are we mad that we can’t and won’t act out in the same way, or dress provocatively because we don’t want to be labeled as a ho or promiscuous?

Quite possibly. I think all women have a powerful sensuality and sexual side. Due to society, we repress it, but it’s a very real part of us. The women who step out of that challenge both men and fellow women. I do think women need to respect themselves, I do think women should have a certain level of decorum, but I do think women should own their sexuality in a way that is most familar and comfortable to them. It’s hard enough to figure out what we want and how we want to be touched and loved and looked at in that way.

However, when women like Amber Rose or Kim Kardashian get married, or even have successful relationships it makes us mad. It disturbs the natural order. It basically tells us the playing field isn’t even and that if you choose to play by the rules differently, or not follow the rules at all, you can still win.

That makes “good girls” want to pull their hair out. Especially if they tried being someone’s freak and then the phone calls stopped, or they were never seen in public with the guy.

Not only are women like Amber Rose getting married, but their men are serving the public affection and being very open about their admiration, another thing that infuriates the “good girls.”

Most men will tell you that they want to have amnesia and want to only believe they were the one and only man you ever slept with, so when men proudly claim women who have sex tapes out or even run into fellow musicans or athletes who were known to have tapped that ass, “good girls” are ready to throw things. They weren’t even closeted hoes. The nerve!

These women did all of the things folks told us NOT to do in terms of sexual morals, and to boot they profited off of such unbecoming behavior, became successful and continue to win the loins and hearts of successful men.

We have no problem with them being jump offs, but wives?

It’s a direct insult.

Most women place a high value on the title of wife– some women even more than motherhood (while I personally believe being a mother is probably the most intense job a woman will ever have). To be someone’s wife means a man values you enough to claim you and promise to be with you forever. You and only you. That’s the big goal. That’s the dream.

While a lot of women say they love the romantic comedy classic “Pretty Woman” with Julia Roberts as the super sweet prostitute who wins the heart of wealthy businessman Richard Gere, in real life, women aren’t really rooting for her!

They are busy comparing themselves and how much better they are than the “ho.”

We like to believe that everyone is special, and that we are all deserving of love.

And we all are.

But let’s face it. When hoes celebrity or local, get married, it feels like a knife got twisted in the chest of the “good girl who did everything the right way.”

And that, is why the “good girls” are mad.

Good luck Amber and Wiz.

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4 thoughts on “Why ‘Good Girls’ Are Pissed Amber Rose Got Married

  1. good points, but i think the issue is not who men decide to marry, but the fact that women place so much value on being chosen by a man. our value and self-esteem should not be strictly tied to being a man’s wife — the fact that being a man’s wife is a badge of honor is the epitome of patriarchy. further, i suggest sisters spend just as much time on building their emotional intelligence as they do their resumes. racism, sexism and toxic stress are pervasive in our communities, and they all have lasting psychological effects. if we continue to hide behind our degrees and don’t take the time to deal with our issues, then those relationships that we desperately desire will continue to elude us. heux or not (and i don’t agree with the traditional definition) amber rose may be a secure, loving woman who is willing to be vulnerable with her partner. that’s all that matters.

    i LOVE your blog. thanks for your openness!

    xo

    • Thank you soooo much for your comments! I so appreciate it. Preach. It really is the truth. The other part of it is as women we are terrible at admitting we are straight up jealous of people.
      The moments I’ve just straight told my close friends, I love you, I’m proud of you, I’m happy for you, but girl, I’m jealous. I know your life isn’t easy, but right now I’m jealous. It’s like staring the beast in the face. Once you face that, everyone can move on. It’s not so scary. But we like to pretend that we aren’t human and are just jealous of other women a majority of the time, lol.
      At Essence Fest there was a great panel featuring Lisa Nichols. She rocked the place when she said the following: “Ok, make a list of everything you want in a man. Got it? Now you go and make sure you are all of those things first.”
      Boom.
      And I think that goes back to what you said about building emotional intelligence. I love that! We’ve got to do the work on ourselves. It’s painful, it’s difficult, it makes us check our egos, but it’s necessary.

  2. I love what tolugbala said and support that 100%. I think it also goes to show that there are no defined rules or a set way to love and marriage. Everyone comes by it differently and clearly all people regardless of who they are or are perceived to be are worthy of love and can have serious and meaningful relationships. It is easier to judge others than hold up the mirror and look at ourselves and identify what we may be doing wrong.

    • I feel you. I think love is an equalizer. None of us have the correct formula. We all have to find it and work at it and hope it works with the right people.

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