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Patience, Lil Sista

In the movie “Dreamgirls” there is a song called “Patience.” I believe it’s written by the super sexy R&B singer Tank, but that’s neither here or there.

The chorus says, “Patience lil brother, patience lil sister…”

One of my dearest friends often texts me that when I’m going off the deep end and when I want something so badly and I’m just being absurdly impatient.

I’ve mentioned before in this blog, that when it comes to matters of the heart, I go all in. I get so wrapped up with my feelings and how good everything is feeling that I can mash the gas.

Sometimes I have trouble letting things marinate.

Online dating has made my need for a packet of instant relationship go into overdrive. But my reaction to this new guy has made me really chew on my homeboy’s cute, but very true reference.

What’s my rush?

Well, when loneliness sets in, it’s a mother. It just is. When you are lonely, and horny and you think you are a nice, funny, attractive person who cooks on a regular basis, you start getting mad with the universe.

Why isn’t someone here? Why isn’t the right person here to share life with?

WHERE IS HE?

Then you try to calm yourself down, because you don’t want to be the desperate chick.

But I’m struggling.

I’ve been on a wait and see approach with the new mystery guy, that I haven’t come up with a name for. I’m interested and even ran out for ice cream Tuesday night, to only hang for about an hour because a strong storm was brewing.

He likes me. I can sense that. He compliments me and there’s a certain way he looks at me when we’re talking that makes me nervous in the good way.

There’s the rational, war-weary, grown woman that says, “There are rules. Maybe two more dates and you can invite him over.”

“One invitation over, some kissing and cuddling and nothing further.”

Meanwhile, my impatient side wants and needs some affection and what I call a “back realignment.”

My impatient side wants long conversations wrapped up in each other’s arms. My impatient side is not trying to wait for other shoes to drop, or wonder about what’s wrong with him. Because this time, I don’t care as much.

There’s something about him that makes me not hold him to the same scrutiny, I’ve held to the others that I wasn’t as attracted to, or who I thought could keep up or had the same kind of confidence.

Mystery guy did point something out during ice cream. There were moments when I really had nothing to say. He said I looked uncomfortable. He was just looking at me.

But it was hard for me to sit still. I couldn’t think of anything witty or intelligent to say to fill in the space.

He told me I didn’t have to.

We could just chill and enjoy the atmosphere, which was a trendy section of downtown Baltimore. The muggyness of the day surrendered to night and the breeze coming off the Inner Harbor gave us a brief respite. But then the weather was too perfect. And then came the strong winds and the people milling about the cobble stone streets, entering and exiting restaurants and shops started taking cover.

We ended our night abruptly.

Just chill…

Argh.

Patience, lil sista.

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