I Overanalyze Overanalyzing, That’s Me Though
I’m feeling myself today.
I think it’s this green jacket I’m wearing with jeans and wedges that make my bootie sit high and proud. The sun is shining and I think I’m awesome. I feel confident as a mug for some reason.
On my way to work today, I’d been listening to Amel Larrieux, which I mentioned in the previous blog post. She gives you good, soothing, thinking music.
One thing that was totally on my mind that made me laugh is Lancelot says I process things too much, or namely I need to not process the “bullshit” as he calls it.
I thought about it.
I originally took Lancelot’s words too much to heart thinking I should stop processing everything. Thinking back, and thinking clearly, and stopping myself from thinking he was criticizing me and being self-conscious and ridiculous. I think see that he specifically meant bullshit.
I had to laugh at the literal interpretation that I made up on my own.
He was right. I did process some bullshit, and it came from him, which makes it ironic.
I process for a living, I process for fun while writing this blog. I process for my friends and help them with their problems.
Processing and analyzing, taking facts and information and helping bring context to it all, THAT’S WHAT I FUCKING DO. Pardon my French. But that’s how I feel. I had to say it with such emphasis, because that’s how it came to me today, and that’s when I started laughing.
It was like me realizing my eyes were brown. Like, yeah silly. Your eyes are brown and you overanalyze everything. Ha! Silly girl. Accept it. He’ll accept it too, because that’s you.
This is me. Processing is my talent.
I do it well. I was trained to do it so I could write and communicate and inform people and give them something they can use. If asking why is processing, yes. I process. If taking things apart from different angles is processing, yes, I process. If replaying conversations and moments is processing, yes, I process.
When you are down or confused or mad at someone, I will gladly process your stuff for you. I process for hire and I process pro bono.
I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. I shouldn’t stifle it. It’s so silly.
I am so absurd and silly.
Then I remembered him saying that he always thinks of the best case scenario and the worst case scenario and that’s how he bases all of his decisions.
That’s processing. That’s totally processing. When I decided to consider him a hypocrite, I stopped myself short.
He said not to process the bullshit…
That’s right. Good advice.
However his definition of bullshit and mine may intersect, or they may be completely different. But it’s my choice.
It’s always my choice.
But I can still be me. I can still do what I do. To fight my urge to be analytical, is to fight the essence of who I am. It’s to cut off my inspiration. I might as well stop this blog if I cease to process. And I’m not going to do that.
I’m so silly.
I guess we’re both right.