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Truth Moment: Confidence Is Key With Me

You know what?

I’m frustrated. Beyond frustrated with the guy formerly known as pseudo-boyfriend boo thang.

I’m irritated because it seems like he’s kind of trying.

But that’s the thing that kills me, he’s kind of trying.

It ain’t a full push, like hey. We are going out to dinner tonight. I want to see you right now, because I haven’t seen you in two weeks and you haven’t really been responding when I hit you up.

It’s a passive aggressive way to date.

It tells me you ain’t sure, but you want to kind of have me around.

I can’t be about that half way life.

I guess it’s because I’m used to being pursued. Hard core.

I’ve actually told men to exit stage left because they were too pushy.

His ambivalence annoys me.

But, he’s young.

I’m finding youth and inexperience is biting him right in the butt.

Earlier today, he talked about some changes happening at his job and how he may take up stripping. In the joke, he asked me what I’d like to see.

I didn’t respond.

After the long 20 min text silence, he says, “LOL never mind that question.”

My thing is, once again. Go all the way.

I call it “George W. Bushing it.” If you wrong, be adamant about going all in and dare folks to question you. Like give them a side eye so strong, that they question their own beliefs.

He punked out of his own joke.

He went on the line, put out a feeler, hoping I’d cosign on wanting to see him naked, hence solidifying his confidence.

I didn’t and I  don’t. Not anymore, because everything else fell apart.

I would have actually given him credit if instead of him asking me what I’d like to see, he’d say, something like, “Girl, you better act right, I may stop by and do the Magic Mike.”

One, you’d still get the laugh. Two, you may get a flattering response, that I indeed, want to see you pop, lock and drop it, and three, you’re showing me that regardless of my reaction, it doesn’t matter and somewhere, somebody is going to dig it.

SMH.

Sometimes you have to take risks and fake it til you make it.

I’ve mentioned in a previous blog how an ex of mine made the ballsy move to just snatch me up and kiss me. He later told me it could have ended in me reciprocating (as I did) or a slap in the face, but regardless, he went on the vibe and went in for it.

I should have expected this person to be passive because the first time he kissed me, he asked me to and it was on the cheek.

At the time, I thought it was respectful and charming, now I know I need a man who takes charge.

I once boasted that I was attracted to and loved assholes.

I’m going to revise that.

I am attracted to and need confidence.

Things are starting to add up with this person.

He says he wants to buy a home. He can’t decide. He thought about renting an apartment. He backed out of an apartment when someone said he should buy a home instead.

He said he doesn’t like his commute from my neighborhood, but actually looked at an apartment in my neighborhood.

He wants to leave his current living situation with a relative, but now he’s going to move in with another relative.

He’s been real wishy, washy and I’m not liking it. Not liking it one bit. As a 31-year-old woman that grates on my psyche.

Now I thought this person could afford to live alone, but I’m not so sure anymore.

I’m starting to see that he goes wherever the wind goes and according to whatever the last person said to him.

Once again, I feel like he needs more life experience.

He’s a really sweet person, but he needs more experience. He has to be confident in himself and in making decisions.

I feel like he is quick to apologize and people please and take responsibility for things he shouldn’t.

I had to give him a speech about a co-worker basically throwing him under the bus and how he needs to watch his back and stand up for himself and not let people put blame on him for things he isn’t responsible for thinking it’s noble to take one for the team.

In life and in business these days, that kind of thinking is going to get you nowhere.

You can be a team player, but don’t take people’s crap. You can be a hard worker, but when you do something above and beyond, you got to speak up and remind folks, because their memory gets real short if you don’t.

I’ve decided this man is the epitome of closed mouths not getting fed. I’m afraid I’m going to have to lay the complete hammer down on Sunday, when I agreed to see him and let it all out.

I like this person enough to not let him walk around living his life like this.

His last relationship did shake his confidence, but it shouldn’t be an excuse.

There are so many guys not as smart or nice or educated as him walking around like friggin King Tut.

When I auditioned for a fantastic choir in DC a few years ago, during my audition, the vocal coach told me that I should sing with more confidence. She said there were people who came in that didn’t have half the talent and showed up like they owned the place.

Same rule applies when it comes to wooing me.

You are selling yourself. If you don’t believe, I can’t believe.

And ask my friends. When I’m in a relationship with a man, I believe in him to a fault. I am the president of the damn fan club. I see more in him than he sees in himself, and I challenge him to believe in and what I see. Maybe it’s messed up, maybe it’s me kind of wanting to “fix” people, but to me that’s how I show love, that’s how I show how much I do respect you. If I have a high expectation of you, it’s because I know you can do it. With out a doubt.

So if a man questions himself, if a man doesn’t believe in himself, you’ve lost me. You’ve just lost me. I think I’m a great catch, so the fact you’re sharing my company means something. If you don’t understand even that, you got a long way to go.

I’m not even trying to be cocky, but it’s the damn truth. Age, experience, failures have taught me all of this.

If you aren’t giving full effort, I can’t give full effort.

Maybe after my speech he’ll hate me, or he’ll want to at least want to remain friends.

Either way, the truth is in order.

I’m about to explode with it.

Hope he can take it.

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