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Cuddling Is the New Crack, Exhaling and Displacing the Natives

Folks say you can’t receive with a clenched fist.


The universe has straight opened up since I cut all ties with my ex, and told Kyle Barker that if we aren’t heading to a relationship, there’s no reason for us to have sex. And I didn’t feel bad about it or feel like I was just missing out. He’s a cool dude, but this is getting pathetic. It shouldn’t be that complicated.

The universe has at the moment, rewarded me richly for simply opening my hand, and not settling.

I’ve been MIA like that best friend you hate who gets all silly when she gets a man.

Who has two thumbs and is ready to ditch plans/friends to just lay up all day and all night with the new guy until I get it out of my system (give me a week, yall)?

This chick right here. (Pointing at myself)

I am unapologetic.

Yall know what I’ve been through.

I’ve been basking, rolling around, skipping and frolicking in all that is going on right now with the New Guy.

We’ve already spent three days in a row together.

It takes me a while to find the right person who makes me feel “that thing,” but when I start feeling it, yeah. I go all out.

This time around it’s particularly delightful because, in the not so distant past, I was so hurt and so lost and couldn’t conceive the possibility of a great connection with someone and wanting to give and give in to it.

I’m almost afraid to speak too soon on it, or get my hopes up or say he’s awesome and then he does something absurd, making me look foolish in print.

I will cautiously say that in this moment, today, right now. It’s all friggin good.

Work doesn’t bother me as much anymore, there’s a little bit of balance. But I do need to get back to working on the tee-shirt company, finishing that damn website, and actually finishing my novel and um getting a new job. I got a lot on my plate.

But having a new, sincere person to add to my personal cheering section, (Who um, happens to have a penis and a tongue– yes, I’m horny. Leave me be!) it may help further the cause and ignite some inspiration or provide a nice little respite from the madness and anxiety of my unfinished projects.

But I basically put myself out there yesterday and said, “Hey, I dig you. I want to see where this goes. I’d like for you to stick around for a while. I hope that doesn’t scare you, but that’s what I want, that’s where I’m trying to go with it.”

To my delight and relief, he said he agreed and felt the same way.


So besides liking the same random music, we talk. We talk a lot and we laugh a lot and quote movies we love to one another. We do goofy physical comedy like falling down and rolling on the floor, or the best worst stalker faces (yes, I know).

I’ve already made two new playlists on Spotify devoted to all things sexy, and another for the lovey-dovey-crushy happy songs.

I’m out to lunch, I’m out of orbit. Gone and smitten. I’m enjoying it, so whatever. I’m grown. I’m allowed to.

This situation is a very good look. I hope I’m not jinxing it by even writing about it, but I feel like I’ve neglected everyone and the blog, being holed up with this dude watching dvds, ordering take out and cuddling.

Cuddling is the new crack.

If you don’t believe me, do a Google search. I read some article where a woman started a business where she cuddles folks for profit. Obviously there is a market. Here’s a video interview. http://www.fox17online.com/videogallery/71022128/News/NY-Woman-Selling-Cuddling-Sessions-For-60-Hour-7-12

This woman charges $60 an hour. She argues for the healing power of touch. And she’s right, but I tend to think of snuggling and cuddling as kind of intimate, even more so than sex. That’s why so many men who just want sex don’t want to do it, because they don’t want women to think it’s more than what it is. They know how powerful it is.

Cuddles=crack you read it here.  There is even a Meetup in England for cuddling (for free, I guess). Look it up! There’s like three people in it, but the group exists. Why am I not surprised?

In this digital hungry world, where we make friends online, through blogs, message boards and online dating, our tactile game is kind of lacking.

We are yearing to be touched. We are starved for just good ol’ physical loving contact (not necessarily sexual contact which is equally if not more important.) If you don’t want to admit it, I will. I needed to be touched. And I’m loving it. It’s awesome. Try it.

I once read a study that kids who are hugged and kissed by their parents are more confident and helps teach kids about what it proper touching and what is not. This article touches on the topic, ha get it? Touches? It’s long, but there’s interesting points being made about American culture and touching. This wasn’t the original study I saw, but I found you something similar. http://www.touchangels.com/articles/critical.html

We do go nuts about personal space in this country and are ready to go nuts on crowded public transport if someone brushes against us. Folks are trying their very best in the tightest of situations, to not even touch another person because of the reactions to even the slightest touch. Even when me and one of my close girlfriends were stumbling out of the stadium, arm-in-arm after a professional football game last weekend, she joked, “people probably think we’re lesbians.” To which I replied, “Oh well, hey we just voted for same sex marriage in Maryland, they’ll get over it and besides, men love lesbians.”

Back to my original thought. That was quite the tangent.

I feel like I’m entering a new era in my life. There’s other secret business that I don’t want to jinx either, so I’m going to save that for another post if it goes down. If and when it goes down, it’s going to be pretty huge and an awesome accomplishment/new challenge. Oh snap!

So think some good thoughts on that end too!

I was telling one of my homies how happy I was via text. After he cracked jokes asking about where the natives taking residence in my uninhabited vagina will go after being displaced, I said, “Dude, I closed my eyes and I exhaled.” (I have been searching high and low for that clip from “Waiting to Exhale” no luck.)

His response, “If you write a blog about it, that should be the title. ‘Displacing the natives… and then I exhaled.'”

I hate my friends.

In honor of the awesomeness of blooming lov…extreme like leading to lo…ve? I present Newness. Musiq Soulchild. Love this. Perfect song.


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6 thoughts on “Cuddling Is the New Crack, Exhaling and Displacing the Natives

  1. Yayyyyyyy! I am SO very happy and excited for you! Enjoy it ❤

  2. I love this! And your excitement! I love all of it! And listen, I think you’ve been reading my blog long enough to know how I feel about cuddling (and I love that we agree on it’s extreme intimacy). But the ever-wise Mandy Pants, who always finds ways to break things down for me, once told me that my thoughts on cuddling and hugs were absolutely ridiculous. She said that while she understood where I was coming from, humans need to be touched. So that I was missing out on basic human interaction that was needed to survive by limiting this type of interaction and that was why it had become even more intimate to me. Her theory – if you limit something you’re supposed to have, any version of it will then be overwhelming for you. Like how a vegetarian would get sick if she all of a sudden decided to eat a drumstick after years of not eating meat. But that if you began to enjoy it, you’d realize just how much you needed it in your life.

    All that to say, I’m glad to hear (ahem read) that you’re taking part in said cuddling and enjoying it. Maybe there’s hope for us girls, yet lol

    • There is hope for us gals! Spread the word. At the bottom of Pandora’s Box when all pandemonium was let loose, hope remained. Yes, I was starving for genuine affection from a person I actually wanted it from. Hurrah! In honor of my crushing behavior, I’ve been bumping swing my way by kp and envy and my boo by Ghosttown DJs as if it were 97 and I was a freshman crushin on the senior track star!

      • LOL I wholeheartedly approve of both of those songs. And now my inner 8th grade self is even happier for you 🙂

  3. Pingback: The Power of a Hug « Choices, Voices, and Sole

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