Love From A Distance: The Girlfriends Edition
I want to go out this weekend and watch a highly anticipated boxing match.
There are events going on in various parts of the city, but I don’t want to go alone even though I’ve said on this blog I don’t have a problem with going out alone.
However, because I’m human and appreciate company, sometimes going solo does bother me. Since the recent beefs I had with two of my friends with whom I often went out on the town with, I’ve found myself feeling locally lonely.
I could either round up a male friend to go. One of my favorites is heading out of the country yet again. So jealous. So he’s out. I love hanging with him most because he is like a brother to me. It’s so comfortable being around him. He is always meeting interesting people and open to doing something new. That’s why he’s always gone traveling. We can’t go anywhere without someone knowing who he is and feeling the same way about him that I do.
I could enlist the male friends who are interested in me, but I don’t feel like giving the this is not a date speech. My hunger for companionship hasn’t sunk that far down just yet.
I could also enlist the male friend who may or may not show up. I’d rather not bother. It seems I scare him when I ask him to something planned more than an hour in advance. I don’t feel like cussing him out for disrespecting my time or being inconsiderate. But on the rare occasions we do get together we have a blast.
I will not hang out with people at work and I told you all why before.
Making new female friends at this age has to happen organically (through work, class, a volunteer group, or any place where you have shared interests and relationships build naturally). If it doesn’t, you’ll look like you are a lesbian trying to pick a girl up and send the wrong message.
Or I can enlist a satellite friend, who is a friend I hang out with on rare occasions, (because usually they have an insane schedule or live just far enough I won’t catch up with them that often) but always have a great time with them because our encounters are practically annual.
When I was writing my blog, “You’re Too Local,” it hit me as I was having struggles with my local girlfriends (Friends I’ve Had to Let Go and Faking the Funk), that maybe I’m not cut out for close-proximity relationships of any kind.
I have friends out-of-state who visit me or I visit them for a weekend, and much like my out-of-town paramours, we have a blast and we go hard all weekend. No time to fight or pick at one another, because we spent time and money to see each other and it’s special because we don’t spend time together often.
Instead of having idealistic, hot steamy sex and romantic dinners like the out-of-town lovers, with my out-of-state gal pals, we shop, we visit museums, see shows and plays, stay up well into the night making drinks, having funny and deep discussions and watching our favorite dvds. We’ll check out farmer’s markets and bookstores or check out local festivals and go to our favorite restaurants.
Upon making this realization, I asked a dear friend who lives in the Midwest: “Is it me? Why can’t I get along with people in a 20-mile radius of me? What’s wrong with me?”
The friend pointed out, that for almost two years we lived about an hour’s drive apart, and we saw each other quite often, but we had the great sense to know when to leave each other alone and give one another space. We knew that there were some weekends the other person just wanted to do their own thing.
Usually the friends I’m closest to are the same friends I can travel with. If I enjoy traveling with you, if you don’t complain when the trip takes an unexpected turn and if you travel prepared and believe in leaving when we say we will and not making too many stops, we will get along famously. Also, if you understand every waking moment does not have to be filled with discussion or noise, especially in the morning or when I’m hungry or tired, we gonna be cool.
*Wait, I sound like a picky jerk, but I do have friends who get this and agree with me!!! I’m not a mean person. I swear!
My closest, closest friends are masters of giving me space even if we have to share a room, or the same zip code. But they also tend to be people who need to have me time, and they don’t compromise it, because it’s a priority to them.
Ironically, this is when I miss being in a relationship (albeit usually long distance). When I really want to go to something, I have the benefit going with someone I love, who I’m comfortable with, who I can laugh and joke with and who’s going to pay for dinner and then give me some lovin after. That’s why I’ve always made it my business to be friends first with whatever guy I end up with.
My parents live out of state and so does my sister. I have no family, really where I live. I’m sort of used to it, so by not having to deal with my family on a regular basis, once again, when I see them it’s all about enjoying the moment. The longer I stay, the more prone I am to becoming nuts and then mean.
So what does this say about me? Am I some grumpy, unlovable person? I truly hope not. I’m sensitive, and I love the people in my life very, very much. Have I gotten used to going it alone to the point it’s affecting my relationships with people I have to see on a regular basis? I really hope not.
For now, the satellite friends are looking real good for this weekend. Unless I can round up money to go visit my favorite people who live far away…