I’m an asshole.
I’m already an asshole for naming this post what I named it.
*I am in no way trying to make fun of Aspergers’ Syndrome. It’s a very real thing that people struggle with everyday.
But a particular aspect of the syndrome in terms of social interaction and appearance of disregard for others feelings kind of fits in totally with what I’m trying to explain today.
I went from not speaking up enough and suffering through ridiculium in my early dating life to just saying whatever the hell is on my mind now, in my 30s.
I’m a real jerk. But I kind of feel like I’m not. I’m just finally standing up for what works and what doesn’t work for me. I can’t lie anymore, I can’t pacify.
I knowingly exchanged numbers with a man, who seems to be nice.
He seems to be trying but I say what I please to this man, with very little regard to his feelings.
Because I now care more about my feelings. And I can’t stand when folks don’t come correct.
Dating is like a job interview and it should be damn it. You should do your research, you should put your best foot forward. You shouldn’t embellish your skills or achievements and you should be honest and realistic about your not-so-excellent qualities.
But like an interviewer, if you turn me off, you turn me off. If you’ve got potential or that certain something, then for what you lack in certain areas, I’m going to give you points in other areas. If you don’t dress well, or tell off-color jokes early on, or show up late or unprepared, I can’t take you seriously.
I can’t take you seriously because you didn’t take yourself seriously or the great opportunity I’m trying to give you seriously enough.
Back to this guy.
He’s pissed me off too many times this week before we’ve even gone out.
Oh yeah, he already planned a date and then canceled because he realized there was a basketball game he wanted to see on television.
He realized how dumb his voicemail sounded, so he followed up with a phone call saying so, and that “I was more important than basketball.”
My Aspergers’ kicked in and I told him, “You don’t know that yet.”
He also sent a random text saying, “I want a wife to get me a visa.”
Here comes my relationship Aspergers’…To which I responded, “Are you foreign? Or do you have no credit?”
Then he wanted our first date to be at a barbeque he was invited to.
I told him no and that it was too personal. I don’t even know him and bbqs are already awkward when you don’t know anyone there and then they ask you, “Who’d you come with?” Then I have to say, “Oh so and so. This is our first date.”
But even after all of that, I was willing to go out with him after work to have a little food and some drinks today.
It is a well-known place that shows sports events on massive screens.
But then one of my boys pointed out it was 50-cent wing night.
That’s when I lost it and decided I needed to cancel.
Then about an hour later it hit me that this dude was just telling me about a really expensive meal he had at a downtown DC restaurant just days ago.
And I get 50-cent wings….
On the first date.
So to cancel, I sent the following text.
“I have to cancel. Something just doesn’t feel right. I also have a feeling you may be significantly older than me and I should have been more honest. I’m not really interested in dating men with kids. It’s not fair to take it any further when I already feel this way. I’m sorry. You seem really nice. But I got to follow my gut. I’m really sorry.”
He didn’t cuss me out. He just said, “Ok. Have a good one.”
Took it like a champ.
My boy said I was ice-cold.
But I just don’t have the time or patience. I think I did him a favor. I know what I don’t want. I know the feeling I get when I really like someone.
This ain’t it.
Let me have it. Am I a jerk?