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The Men Are Where You’re Not

I had a great weekend.

I got to meet up with old friends, out-of-town friends, and meet new people.

Every group of brilliant, beautiful women I encountered, the majority of us were single and did not have boyfriends and weren’t even close.

Each woman took a different approach.

Some said, “Forget it, I stopped having sex.”

Some said God will send the man.

Some said “we got along, the sex was great, now he doesn’t want it anymore? I’m offended. Why doesn’t he want my ass? He would at least want that right?”

Some said they don’t mind putting objects up a man’s butt and he should feel free to express himself sexually without fear of being seen as homosexual.

Some said, you need to trust your instincts if a man likes things up his butt too much and stop trying to be over open-minded to the point of losing your own boundaries or sacrificing your own sexual comfort zone. You are not a prude if you don’t do everything.

Forget some said. I said that.

Some said they would go to a strip club with their man, while others said they absolutely would not. They feared getting hit in the face with a flying crab, from off of the dancers…

These conversations, as varied as they were, always returned to, well, where are they?

I felt like an outsider really, because I’ve been relishing my singledom as of late. My heart had been broken so badly, I have nothing to lose anymore. I’m taking the time to pursue interests I let slide and finding joy in that.

I do get lonely, but it is a temporary thing. Men are everywhere. It’s not that hard to get a date, it’s not hard to get sex.

It’s just hard finding the right man you click with and want to stick with and who wants to click and stick with you.

When I suggested brutal honesty to the girl who was pining for a guy she had great sex with, another chimed in and said it’s bad to put her cards on the table and look desperate.

I said well alrighty. Personally, brutal honesty from saying, I’m not feeling this situation to talking bluntly about sex, and bluntly about relationships has worked well for me. It was a shocking revelation. I’ll let those chicks figure it out for themselves.

I did give them these tips. One girl almost looked ready to write it down.

I said the men are friends of people you know and will be at house parties thrown by a friend of a friend.

The men are going to be at the restaurant you stop in one night after work on a random weeknight.

The man is going to be the one working on the Habitat for Humanity project you finally decide to sign up for or a meetup.com group outing.

He’s going to be standing in line at Boston Market after work because he has no one to cook for him (I’ve seen fine men at Boston Market).

He’ll be the one to help you when you are sucking at your first golf lesson or indoor rock climbing class, but still having a great time, not taking yourself too seriously.

He’s going to be walking back from lunch on a street you never walk down because you make a bee line to the same sandwich spot back to your job and never divert from your routine.

He’s going to be the guy that watched you walking down the street looking angry, stressed or too busy to be bothered.

He’s going to be the guy who saw you diss and dismantle the pride of the last guy who tried to buy you a drink and then decide to say forget it.

He’s going to be the guy one table over who heard you say “men ain’t shit” over drinks with your friends.

He faithfully goes to your gym, an hour earlier, or an hour later than you.

He is where you aren’t until you decide to show up.

And show up looking put together (don’t need expensive clothes or a lot of make up or sky high heels), and armed with a positive attitude.

So it’s all about timing, and it’s all about taking a good look at what you do with your time, where you go, who you are with and then taking a chance to flip the script, shake up the routine.

There was research I read a long time ago that said people should not drive home the same way every single day because it dumbs down your brain and you will eventually be on auto pilot and not as alert and more prone to get into accidents.

Same thing with your dating life. If you want to meet new people, you got to change the routine and your route.

Let’s get this Monday going…This beat makes me feel like Mary is on the hunt.

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2 thoughts on “The Men Are Where You’re Not

  1. Pria A. on said:

    I met my husband in my apartment complex. He was the shy neighbor who would always say hi and open the door for me while I was running from one event to the next. One day I decided to stop and talk to him. We became friends, then we dated, then we got married. I am very happy I decided to slow down and say hello.

    • See? That is how it works. I love that story! You give me hope!!! We have to open our eyes and just be nice, no strings attached. We’d be surprised that we are passing our future by in the parking lot or standing in line at the post office, eyes down texting.

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