Rant Warning: The Evolutionary Reason for a Woman’s Large Capacity to Love
Today’s post is the first of what I call rants. And I’ll be kind enough to let you know by giving it a rant warning sign. You may totally feel me. You may totally think I’ve lost my mind. But think about it.
I came to an interesting conclusion that is more freeing than deciding “He’s just not into you.”
It’s also deciding that you are not so special that when a man says he’s not going to settle down or he doesn’t want to settle down, that you listen and move on.
As women, we have a tendency to believe our love will heal. It does. It’s powerful stuff. I was wondering about our super emotional traits and how they are supposed to actually benefit us going back to the primal, evolutionary days.
I think that all of that extra emotion, all of that extra nurturing is built in us for our CHILDREN. Not our men. The biggest problem women have is we get it confused and we end up expending all of that extra love and emotion on the men first.
We as women really got that thing twisted up. No wonder men are confused. For what they lack in being uber emotional and being built the way they are is… going back to the caveman days, they had to be tough to survive and go out and fight the elements, and to a certain extent, real men who handle their business still have to use these traits. They just aren’t built like us. Fine. Ok. I accept that.
So I get it. We are made how we are made. We have that hormone we give off after having sex that no matter how hard we try will emotionally attach us in some kind of way. It sucks. I detest that, but ok. I accept it. There is a purpose for it all. And while I sort of despise being more emotional, I’ve learned to acknowlege it. I’ve learned to tell men that I can be rational, but I can be emotional too and you need to value that in me, even if it doesn’t make sense to you. You better be glad I’m this way, because if you want me to be a good mother to your kids, I’m going to need this.
I’ll admit, I thought giving and giving and loving and loving and believing there was something so magic and special about my love. It is magic and it is special, but I’m going to stop putting premium gas in a fucked up car. I’m wasting my resources.
It’s delusional and kind of self-absorbed, but haven’t you thought that? Haven’t you ever said, “I’m different.” Of course you have. I have too.
With my magic love, the man of my desire would see it, appreciate it, change what’s wrong with him and give love right back equally, the way I like receiving love and with equal enthusiasm to mine.
That is not only delusional. It’s impossible. But we manage to think it’s perfectly reasonable to expect that from a man. No wonder both men and women are so lost.
But now, I see the light. It’s good to fall in love and it’s good to give of ourselves but we have to be a bit more stingy with our love when it comes to romance, and a bit more discerning of who we give our love to. Save some of it for who it was, at our most genetic core intended for, our children (future and existing). If you don’t, you will be bitter and always feeling like you are giving more to a man than what you are getting in return. Ration that love. Protect your heart. A man’s instinct is to always protect himself first. We need a little more of that ourselves.